DS first day at nursery and they're shortening his name...

[StrikeUpTheBand]

AIBU to correct them?

DS is 3.5 and has a name that can be (and is often) shortened. Let's just pretend for a minute that it's Christopher (obviously it is something else but to protect identities).

Anyway, DS starting day nursery today. Have rreiterated to everyone beforehand that we prefer he not be called Chris but to use his full name of Christopher and in writing (there was a sheet to fill in called "Helping your child settle in nursery" which asked this.

DP walks in with DS this morning to find he's repeatedly being called Chris "Hi Chris let me help you find your name oh here it is C-H-R-I-S. Good boy Chris!" DP didn't want to be rude but called DS pointedly Christopher. They still continue. Name on Register is "Chris Bloggs"

AIBU to have phoned them and explained that his name is ChrisTOPHER not Chris and to request that they use the name we wanted him to have? I was polite about it and explained that I didn't want it to have stuck. DS gets upset about it but won't tell people at the time, he just comes home and tells us. I don't want him to be upset on his first day by something so avoidable.

Was I wrong? They are going to get off the phone and think I am too precious aren't they?!

YANBU. I am going to have this when ds2 starts pre-school, as ds1 has just fionished there and my mum was talking to one of the workers the otherday and she was saying she was looking forward to 'Ollie' starting (which isn't for a while). We use ds2's full name, we may occassionally shorten it but we have decided to use his full name until he is alot older. When he starts I will make it very clear he is to be called by his first name. I do not think anyone should call a small child by a shortened version of his name unless they have been told it is ok.

Thanks everyone for your comments by the way. I do appreciate such a good response as I needed to hear what people thought.

OK strikeup, what you said just then made a lot of sense to me, about trying to preserve it for later, and giving him the choice. In that case I don't think YABU

YANBU - shortened names are for use by close family, perhaps a key carer. Otherwise it's Full Name until told otherwise.

YANBU

I think in general it is important to be flexible as you can't control what other people call your child and what they want to be called as they grow up but at this age it is your call.

In my own case we use DS's long and abbreviated names and most people use the same combination of long and short except my SIL who seems to be using, and teaching my nephews to use, a name that DH and I can't abide. DS is too young to have an opinion on it! I've decided not to say anything - she has never asked and I have never said but I do find it odd when people don't LISTEN to what the parents are clearly calling the child!

I think what would really get to me in your situation is the fact that they ASKED what to call him and then ignored it!

Giving a child a name with a possible shortening should not be licence for just anyone to shorten it when they are so young and their full name is used at home, by family and friends. My name is Leanne and is only as I have gotten older (over 20) that people have shortened it to Lea, as a child my parents insisted on my full name and so did I as I got older. Now a few friends call me Lea and it doesn't bother me, but if it did I would tell them.

We did discuss the fact that ds2's name could be shortened and fully accept as he gets older he may wish for it to be shortened and we would be fine with that but for now we have the choice and yes I expect people to call him the name we gave him, he is our child and we chose a name we wanted and people employed to look after him should respect that.

YANBU - my DS is Benjamin and lots of people automatically call him Ben. I know it is a way to shorten his name but it's not what he is known as.

I was glad when his new teacher said "hello Bemjamin" to him this morning :)

He used to tell people his name wasn't Ben it was Benjamin which made me a little but I do agree with him.

Just to add even though I am 33 my mum still hates my name being shortened but respects the fact that it is my choice.

I have no problems with DS wanting to shorten his name - and I call him a shortened name. Happens to be Bob though

My son's tutors do this to him as well,,,, but seeing as how he had a severe speech delay (didn't speak 'til 3y4mnths) and now they have said that he has dyslexia too, I am glad that I never said "actually his name is Alex ander (that is just an eg).

But it is weird when you realise that you don't have control over your children's names. Their teachers and 7 yo class mates do. My dc1's class mates have shortened her name too.

I think my concern would be that if the nursery staff can't respect your wishes when it comes to his name what other instructions are they ignoring?
You are totally right to ask them to do this but how much of a fuss can you make before they begin to dilike you which then will colour their view on 'Christopher'?
Unfourtunatly nursery is a popularity lottery as to the attention your child recieves.

On a lighter note, we picked our dd's name because we loved the shortened version but we wanted her to have a choice when she was older as to which vairiation she used.

Peers using a nickname is one thing, teachers and nursery staff taking it upon themslves to bestow a diminutive is quite another.

My DD is called Madeleine and is 8. She is only now getting used to friends calling her abbreviations, usually Mads. I would not have been happy for her teachers to have called her Maddy as that is something we never call her.

On her first day at school nursery, they had spelt her name wrong on her tray and peg etc. I felt very pfb correcting them, but I did.

They should call her what I call her and spell it correctly. IMO.

This is probably the last age where you can have real control over this, so YANBU. There will be nicknames and shortenings creeping in pretty soon, so it's worth trying to keep the name as you like it for the time being. Is it a bit PFB? I don't really think it comes under this tbh. It's the child's name, I don't think you're wrong insisting it be said and written correctly. If you were to continue doing it against your DSs wishes as he grew up, that's another thing entirely, but as it stands, I think you're completely right here.

Honestly, this is ridiculous. I would be more concerned about whether they are being affectionate to your child, feeding him properly, changing his diaper etc than whether they shorten his name.

Welcome to the world, people give other people nicknames. Get over it or don't give your child a name that is easily shortened.

So YABU for sure.

YANBU. My DS is christened Thomas after my late brother but known as Tom. I wrote in a very nice way on the school letter for Reception that all books/drawers etc should be labelled Tom and he's totally known as Tom which I like. If the odd person says Thomas it almost takes me a while to get who they're talking about and makes me think of my brother, it would have been very hard if they hadn't get it right. Make sure everything is changed now, in the nicest possible way of course.

As a teacher I spelled a little girl's name incorrectly (kind of Isobel instead of Isabelle but not that name and it was on the school database wrong). Her mum came and told me and I changed it and all the labels etc immediately, although she did say rather snootily "It really upsets her when her name is wrong" which I didn't think was necessary, as I really cared about the kids in my class. There will always be some people who carry on shortening it too but you just have to live with that!

YANBU, but good luck with it if it a common name with a common short version.

Maybe people should use the full name but they are not going to.

YANBU - your child, so your choice. And at least you are making your preferences clear.

As a Reception teacher, some years ago a child started in my class who was known by everyone by a short version of his name. It was (definitely) what his mother called him, also his siblings and grandparents, so we did the same.

Some months later his mother remarried, and his stepfather had the same name (short version). His mother and grandparents (not siblings though) apparently started calling the child by the long version of the name, to distinguish him from his step father. BUT, they didn't tell us, until one memorable day when his mother exploded with rage when I called her son by the shortened name in her hearing.

I found this very embarrassing, and upsetting, even now I cringe a bit at the memory. I wouldn't have deliberately used the 'wrong' name, IF I had known. I think she expected me to magically know, or pick it up from what she said, but actually she hardly used the child's name to me directly.

Privately I was a bit about them changing his name so as not to be the same as the step dad's, but their choice.

So, I think it's fine to call your child what you like, and much better to do as you are doing and be really clear about it. Sorry to be a bit long winded!

I remember a mum asking nursery not to call her child Ben but to use his full name, and ever after he was called Ben-JA-MEEEEEN with enormous stress on the ending - in revenge for what was seen as criticism.
Sadly what another poster said about the attention lottery of nursery is very true.

Sorry, she said popularity lottery - it is very true.

My daughters middle name somehow was understood to be part of her whole name, so that for the first 6 months or so, the teachers were calling her *Lydia-Joy. I told them, oh, Joy is just her middle name. I filled in the form properly though I think, it did have a space for a middle name I think.

Every now and then, at sports days another teacher will refer to her as Lydia-Joy, a full four years after I told the school!

Once a mistake has been made it takes an incredibly long time for the correction to filter down. ykwim? It's not the end of the World btw. Not stressy about it at all.

But when I fill in my son's form I plan to leave the middle name blank!!

Well if it clearly upsets your child to be called by his shortened name then the nursery carer should have picked up on that and if they haven't then that is concerning. I do think it a bit odd that he is upset by his name being shortened and I would counsel him to either 1) get used to it and it is going to happen all his life; or 2) be more assertive and tell his carers HIMSELF that that isn't his name.

Not sure why you should be making calls to the nursery. All sounds a bit OTT if you ask me and bound to have you blacklisted as a precious parents. If you must say something, can't it be said casually to the carer's face?

Bunty - if anything that's more shocking than a nursery using an abbreviation when asked not to - it's punishing the child for the parents' actions.

Lazylula - like you, my mum dislikes the shortening of my name, and doesn't use it, but respects the fact that I've chosen to use it (since my mid-20s - it took me that long to work up the courage - lol), and that most of my friends know me by the shortened version.

I would have done the same and politely corrected them too - it's not pfb IMHO, it's just stating a fact, ie his name's Christopher not chris. Yes it's not the most important thing about his education but why not get it right from the start?

Have been having a similar thing with my dd who's called esme and we pronounce it es-mee not es- may as some do. One or two nursery staff called her es-may and I just politely said we prounced it es-mee. No probs at all, no- one was offended no snidey looks were exchanged and no- one called the police.