to buy my children next to nothing at christmas because theydon'tgive a crap how much things cost

[shinyshoes]

My 2 boys have had it all. They have every games consoe going every new game that's come out. DS1 has had expensive phones the ist goes on. I suppose it's the same old saying 'I never had it when I was younger so I want them to.
DP has always been dead against them 'having it all'and always warned me I was making a rod for my own back.

They treat their games consoles like crap. Their expensive, sometimes £50.00 a go games, like junk, often finding them scratched and unplayable, have no concept of money, 'it's ony £100.00 mum ' .
DS2 has gone through christ knows how many phones. He often inherits mine when I get another one and he's in line to inherit my iphone when my contract is up.

Christ I was happy to get smellys as a child.

DS2 has just bent and threaten to break the new COD game we have just bought him.

Admittedy some of the stuff is out of their money they've saved from birthdays and christmases DS2 spending his on a laptop recently.

That has now broken and he is saving 'the money everyone gives him to buy another one' He isnt that bothered buy it as he spends his time on mine

I dont know what to do

AIBU to just buy them a couple of board games each for christmas instead of the hundreds of pounds we do spend on them only for them to wreck , destroy and not give a toss about anything of value.

No, YANBU at all. No child needs hundreds of pounds spent on them at Christmas.

I think we've all (or the majority of us) have made rods for our own backs, and probably about time that more of us did exactly what you are suggesting. The overspending of the previous years is coming back to bite us on the bum in many ways, big time.

DP was right, sorry.

i think you have to figure out why they have this attitude to toys/property/money?

no way will i ever be spening "hundreds" on dd's presents.

oh, and stop letting your DS2 use your laptop - that will teach him not to break his own?

No, I'd get the message in now while you still can. And I wouldn't stop at Christmas.

If you are given something and break it and do not care, you certainly do not deserve for it to be replaced.

Not only are you spoiling them, but they will have serious problems when they earn themselves and cannot afford all this stuff. They'll just get into debt and you do not want them going down that road.

Deal with it now. Just say NO.

i think it's a good idea. but be prepared for a very stressful christmas morning!

how old are they?

i think it's time for you and dh to have a sit down with them and explain why the way they treat their things HAS to stop.

i don't think that this lack of respect comes from being given nice things or having lots of money spent on you tho.
I sometimes spend a lot on my ds's. but they still respect their things. because they know if they break them that's it... there won't be another oen

the lack of respect comes from just being given more and more to replace the stuff they trash. why would they look after if it they know they'll get something else once it's broken?

you can teach respect and encourage them to look after their belongings AND still spend hundreds of pounds if you want to.
i do agree that it's unnecessary tho, and children have obscene amounts these days.

YANBU they need to learn.

How old are your DSs. TBH they sound like spoilt brats but it's your doing your DH is right.

We find this with lots of the boys we foster. They have every gadget available at stupidly young ages. The thing they are missing is quality time spent with their parents. They come to our house and are shocked to find the children have a shared wii in the living room (which is rarely played on). It's amazing how quickly they start to enjoy building dens in the garden, or making stuff.

I'm not saying you don't spend time with your children but I do think you need to make some changes for their sakes.

YANBU.

And any money they get given, put half of it into a bank account.

Thanks ladies , we have discussed them getting a couple of board games for christmas and the look on their faces was priceless . You'd think I had asked them to clean the streets. But thats another thing they EXPECT expensive things or things en masse.

They are 10 (next month) and 13.

DP is sitting there saying 'I told u so '
ard
It's going to be a very hard christmas morning I agree but wil certainly put it into perspective when they ask 'where are the 'real' presents'

Sorry reading my post back it sounds really patronising.

I just mean I think children can get just as much fun fron using their imagination. I do buy mine nice things though but as thisisyesterday said if they break it we don't replace.

NO YANBU. Teach them the value of money and make them work for pocket money by doing chores. I think DP was right, you have made rod for your own back.

Prepare them by telling them before Christmas Day however that things are going to change.

Also, tell grandparents not to spoil them. My parents indulge and spoil them in between Christmas and birthdays and it really annoys me.

Better still get them board games and improving books for Christmas.

I think rather than waiting till Xmas, you sit down and have a good talk with them about their behaviour and attitude.
They have been spoilt by you, and yes, your dh is right.
Especially hate the fact they're banking on gift money from other people to spend.
Any child who threatens to deliberately break a present deserves nothing. You're too soft. Get dh in on the act.

Get a large box and put everything in that they break or ruin. Any money they get given goes towards replacing anything thats broken (they choose which) including phones.

if you don't act now, you will propel them into the world as not very nice men in this respect.

They don't appreciate what you give them - means they aren't grateful at all and have a sense of entitlement.

If you don't address that - can you imagine what they will be like as men?

I think you should not buy them anything expensive and tell them that since they don't care enough to take care of their things, they don't deserve them.

You have given them too much and so they have learned the value of nothing.

DP was right. YANBU to be at the end of your tether. I bloody would be.

As Tokyo said deal with this now. I'd take the lot off of them and make them earn it all back, one tiny part at a time.

"Here's a controller"

"Here's a lead"

"Here's a game".... You see where I'm going with this? Yes, I'm evil....

Also screw giving DS2 your iphone. Do you know much you'd get for it if you sold it? Sell it and buy yourself (and DP if you want) something nice. Your Son will probably lose olr break it by the sound of it.

It's not just Christmas, though, that you should think about.

Just stop buying them stuff. I think it's reasonable to not buy the gadgets throughout the year, and only for Christmas and b'day- then they will appreciate it more. No replacing if lost or broken.

Just have a talk with them and lay the new law.

I think you also need to look at the level of expectation that you have created and how you treat your own possessions. Why should your son inherit your iphone? Why wouldn't you sell it at the end of the contract? Or even keep it and not bother upgrading?

Good luck Shiney! Mine is too little for all this yet but I'm definitely not looking forward to making these kind of decisions!

YABU to have indulged them in this way, it's really awful. YANBU to stop doing so, but you must start now, and stick to it. If I were you I would open them savings accounts and ask any relatives who give money to pay into the account, allowaing them to keep £10 per person for a gift (assuming they get more than £10 - which they must if they can buy laptops!)

Stop replacing stuff, stop letting them use your laptop. Make them work in the house to earn pocket money. Sort it out, or you will have raised two entitled, spoilt men.

Why don't you just ask them to pick one thing they'd like for Christmas, and give them a maximum price tag? And then a few little surprise presents. Might be better than going 'cold turkey', and I don't think it would be unreasonable.

Hmmm - it's not pretty is it :(

Do it now - don't wait till Christmas. It's going to be a long hard road to turn this around, but you have to, or they will turn into horrible, horrible men.

Why did he bend and threaten to break his own game?

I would do as others have suggested and take everything off of them. Allow them to earn back bits and pieces very slowly. Make them appreciate what they have and anything that is deliberately damaged or not taken care of does not get replaced and they lose another thing of your choice out of the 'box'.

If this message is a bit slow getting through, you could also tell them that anything they 'destroy' will be replaced using money given to them for presents and then it will be donated to a charity shop, to go to a child who will look after it.

This is going to be 'tough love' though, there is no quick fix, so you have to be prepared to go through with it or you will do more harm than good.

Don't make Christmas about 'being deprived because they are naughty', make it about the other parts of Christmas - being with family, spending time playing games together, nice food, christmas lights walks etc - it will be HARD because the are big and have been brought up to believe Christmas is about getting lots of money, presents etc.

It's not something heard on MH a lot - but your DH was right

It's too much. Your DS2 is 10 and has gone through multiple phones? What does he need a phone for at 10? And he's ruined a laptop? I'd be furious. And he certainly wouldn't be going on mine. How can you trust him to respect yours if he can't respect his own.

I think this isn't just about Christmas, you need to have a serious chat now. They need to understand how lucky they have been compared to other children, and now this spoiling has to stop or where will it end?

And you might want to let them break COD: they're 16+ age restriction (or higher?); weaning a 10 year old off it, and any other adult games they may have acquired, might also be a useful step in reshaping his last preteen years.

Ok: put them in a box and hide them for about 3 years if you can't stand the breakage/replacement costs.

Shinyshoes, you need to look at both your DCs levels of expectations and also your own reasons for giving them 'everything'. If you can address your own thought processes, you've got more chance of sticking to a new regime in the long run, rather than just for Xmas (as a sort of punishment).

What exactly do you mean by 'having it all'? If you mean every electronic toy out there then it sounds like you have achieved your aim. But what about developing your DSs' imaginations? Or their concepts of values and money? Or their fitness levels? There's a whole world of dens, football games, fixing 2ndhand bikes, learning how to look after themselves as adults etc that your DSs may be missing out on. You need to think really hard about the sort of adults you want your DSs to become and then stick to it.

Plus, your DSs are old enough to work for their pocketmoney to pay for whatever the want - and break. It's good practice for the real world. You'd be doing them a favour.

I agree with everyone. I just spent a very sad weekend with my db at his daughter's wedding. He spoiled his son and daughter terribly and they have turned out to be completely thoughtless towards him and really self-absorbed, non-authentic adults. He was so upset and I had nothing constructive to say as they are now grown. They only thing I could come up with was "Well at least you can learn from this and not make the same mistake with ds2" (who is from second marriage and much younger)

Actually, I think YABU.

Yes, your boys sound unbelievably spoiled but I would get them something nice for Christmas but set a realistic budget. And tell them now what the budget is.

What I would do is stop buying them anything apart from Christmas and birthdays. Start giving them pocket money which is reliant on them helping around the house and this will give them the concept of saving up.