to be concerned about emptyshell?

[ledkr]

Has anyone managed to contact her? she was in a bad way last time she posted and was talking about ending it. don't know her but it stuck in my mind.

Didn't read the thread, but YANBU.

Bumping in case she sees this.

Gosh read it! so upsetting. I put it in aibu to attract attention. feel quite worried. thanks for bump

bump

Bump

YANBU........I remember her thread too.

Yes I was shocked at first and quickly realised she was very irrational. terrible place to be. will mn hq do anything do you think? I reckon she had a breakdown.poor woman.

I remember the thread, but don't 'know' her

hopefully, she is just having some time out, with the support of family to get through this

YANBU to worry though

I'm ok. Just it had been clearly spelt out to me I didn't belong here as I wasn't, and probably am never going to be a mum. Posted a few days ago in the charters thread on conception to let them know I was ok and only spotted this because I was on checking the miscarriage board trying to get some answers with what's going on with this damned miscarriage I'm still waiting to happen.

In case anyone's interested (I'm past the point of grief and at the point of "just fucking get on with it") the story so far -

3 years infertility.
Miscarriage very early in May
Pregnant again in July, booked for early scan at what I believed to be 7 weeks (I'm sure of my dates).

Scan showed empty sac measuring 5.5 weeks - left to go away and cook for 10 days, given the appropriate "There was no heartbeat" leaflet and basically briefed about how to miscarry. Spotting of a variety of colours - pink, brown, red... all for about an hour max - few times I braced myself for things to start and they didn't... living in limbo, scared to go out in case it started going, scared to go out as babies set me right off - so spent most of my holiday as a virtual prisoner in my home.

10 days later - rescan reveals sac to have grown quite a fair bit (hubby didn't get to read the actual date she's measured it at this time) and, with a bit of jiggling of the dildo cam... there's something distinctly of the tadpoley but no heartbeaty variety in there now... but she only caught a glimpse of it at certain angles. To thicken the plot and fuck with my head a bit more - there's now a second small empty sac in there as well... dispatched with a "we don't have a clue what's going on here" and left to cook for another fortnight.

More spotting, more living in limbo, more bracing myself for the inevitable and life's pretty crap. Like someone so charmingly said - mumsnet is a place for mums and this was the final kick in the teeth I prob won't ever be one - so I've been staying well away and only came on via trying to google to find out what the hell's going on with my body because the NHS sure as hell aren't giving me any answers. You don't want me around at the moment anyway - I'm a barren childless witch who is only getting out of bed on a morning to piss life off a bit more by still being here, and my innards are becoming like an episode of Eastenders where I only go back for the next scan to see what's happening next in the saga - I don't at all anticipate a happy ending though.

She's been back on in the last few days, so don't panic!

I was so disturbed and shocked by what she wrote.

I seem to remember some posts on the thread that suggested this is something she just sometimes does, people get worried and then she just comes back and carries on without ever having gone back to update.

Sorry that reads like I'm being all judgy - I'm not - just trying to paraphrase the posts because, yes yanbu to worry, but there was nothing new in it iyswim? And has always been ok previously.

sorry x-post!

Glad you're ok.

And if you want to turn this into some kind of a witchhunt about me - feel free because I don't care. It's really pleasant spending a month being sucked dry and feeling like crap because something "dead" is still leeching away inside and you want your life back and some hope of being able to move on.

Of course if you just want to engage in some collective mummy horror at the evil childless being and how I must have wished the baby dead so I can go off on some more hedonistic holidays... do that as well.

I wasn't a wicked witch before all this happened - I actually probably am now and not caring, or feeling anything is actually quite a strangely liberating feeling.

grapeandlemon there was no need to try to start another war with someone who's already been kicked as far down as life can take them. Hope the moral outrage filled some void in your life - I only replied to stop people worrying, but you decided to take another pop regardless.

emptyshell, mumsnet is not just a place for mums. its a place for anyone with children, whether they are alive or not, its a place for anyone who feels that pull. you dont need to have a label to be here.

I know far too well how you feel right now. i know how hopeless you feel and how shitty. i wont say that it will go away. it probably wont, but it will change. its all very raw at the moment and you are very angry. you need to focus on yourself and dh for a while and cry. a lot. there is nothing wrong with grieving.

are you under a specialist? can you get an appointment?

emptyshell, noone is turning this into a witchunt. people are worried about you.

x-posted with you empty. I'm so sorry that they've not been able to work out what is happening, I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Please don't feel you have to hide away and not come on MN, there are loads of non parents/future parents/hoping to be future parents on here and you have as much right to be here as anyone else. I'm sorry you were made to feel so unwelcome

Please stay with us x

Emptyshell thank you for updating. I had been thinking of you. I'm so very sorry for the hell you're still going through.

And I wish everyone else would shut the fuck up and let a grieving woman grieve, quite frankly, and stop with the character assassinations.

Take care of yourself, and I hope we see you back around in the future whenever you feel able to be.

And thank you fallingwithstyle charmed to see that that's what you thought of me.

I posted a few days back on one of the conception threads, and only ended up here via googling some miscarriage stuff and my evil mind not being able to resist clicking to see what was going on and avoid the simpsons. I'm actually quite sickened you'd believe that I'm making this up or something like that.... or that I'd wished this on me - that's pretty disgusting as a thought to throw out there.

I'm a virtual agoraphobic now - I don't go out, for fear the miscarriage will start, for fear things will upset me, for fear I'll lose the plot completely. I appear harsh and hard - because if I start crying again - I'll never stop. I'm now, because of these strange scan results - stuck in a complete limbo... I'm glad you feel that's attention seeking and some kind of "trolling" on the internet. I'm unable to work, and because there's this stupidly slim possiblity there's actually anything in there - I'm unable to get any help to let me function or sleep, or even indulge in a bottle of vino to just knock me out for the night - but yeah, have another pop and accuse me of winding people up.

I disappeared because someone had said I didn't belong here anyway, and because the pain of being viewed as utterly nothing (for we know that's what the childless are) was becoming too much. I also disappeared because for about a week, all I could do was lie on the sofa staring into space - I trust that's ok by you?

Emptyshell, Sorry your feeling so desperatly shit :(

Fingers crossed for your next scan. It ain't over 'till it's over.

emptyshell, i dont think fallingwithstyle was saying what you think she was.

And now - I'll go back to vanishing. I'm actually being incredibly sad, and getting myself lost in video games to block out what's going on as I've got to be left to cook for another week (would save time if I just had one of those screens fitted the teletubbies have).

I mention I'm disappearing again so that I don't get accused of that.

who said you didn't belong here?

There are many people on here who don't have children. Both those who are trying and those who aren't! There is a place for everyone who wants to be here. It's got no restrictions and I'm sorry you feel that it has.

noone is accusing you of trolling, this thread was started with the best of intentions because you were in such a bad way.

what were your blood results?

Emptyshell - eek! Look I was just trying to convey to the op - who was concerned about you - that there was reason to believe that you would (hopefully) be ok and back posting.

Thats all. I dont "think" nything about you, I dont know you and I dont know if the rest of your post was directed at me or not - but I certainly was not suggesting, hinting or even thinking anything along those lines.

I dont know you, have no interest in assuming anything about you - was simply relaying what I remembered of the thread to try to assure the OP that chances are you would be ok.

Thats all. All the best.

Theladyofthegreenkirtle - Thank you! No, didn't mean that at all. Just wordrd badly and typed in haste in reply to OP not realising Emptyshell had posted too.