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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To exeect people to take off their outdoor shoes before coming into my house

87 replies

deakell · 02/09/2010 21:30

Ok, I know to some people this may seem odd and in fairness when I was a child we didn't do this because my parents never made a fuss. It wasn't until I moved to Canada, where taking off your shoes as you go through the door is the norm, that I now see this as normal.

We always take our shoes off in the cloakroom and put indoor shoes/slippers on. Outdoor shoes all over my floors and carpets really irks me and it's even worse right now with a crawling baby.

A friend came over with her two kids the other day and as they came into the cloakroom my boys took their shoes off automatically as did I, and I politely said to her two "shoes off please, we don't wear outdoors shoes in the house" and the kids, quite happily took them off. My friend however, did not and just came into the house still wearing these clunky, awfully dirty looking boot-type things. This was obviously despite having seen the rest of us take them off and leave them in the porch.

I didn't like it but didn't know what else to say, so I said nothing.

AIBU to expect people to take off outdoor shoes when in my house

Disclaimer: during dinner parties or small even cocktail-type gatherings, I don't usually enforce this

OP posts:
SocialButterfly · 02/09/2010 21:32

YANBU I always take my shoes off unless they tell me not to bother, maybe she had smelly feet and was embarassed!

IlanaK · 02/09/2010 21:34

Some people do and some people don't. You won't get a consensus on this. But if you don't want people wearing shoes in your house, you need to tell them to take them off.

In my house no-one is allowed to wear shoes however old they are. All my friends know this and it is never an issue. If I had a big party, I would not insist on it for adults but I have no carpets and I would clean the floors the minute everyone left.

echt · 02/09/2010 21:35

Doormat. Not the OP, of course. That's what it's for in the UK.

AnyFuleKno · 02/09/2010 21:36

It is really common in my experience to be asked to take your shoes off at the door. It helps if people can see shoes as they walk in - shoe rack (or pile in my house). Sounds like you do have this in your porch though?

I think it's something you have to be blunt about...maybe say 'you can just leave your shoes with the others' or something if you don't want to be too confrontational. Or you could offer the use of some slippers? Or say 'is it alright to take your shoes off? carpets just been cleaned!' or something

I heard of someone who has a few sets of nice japanese style slippers by the door to offer to guests on the way in. Quite like that idea, although I am much too lazy to do it myself/

SayItWithWine · 02/09/2010 21:37

We have always done this, especially as my children invariably found a nice lump of dog poo to step in! No you ANBU at all. Especially carpeted areas where babies crawl. We dont expect official people like salespeople for instance (if we let them through the door) to comply, and I wish we could get the dog to take her mucky paws off, but Hmm

weegiemum · 02/09/2010 21:38

You really wouldn't want me taking off my shoes when I went into your house. Not if you wanted to breathe freely!

The only people I know who make a fuss about this are my BIl and his wife, who also lived in Canada, interestingly enough.

pagwatch · 02/09/2010 21:38

well this always gets heated on here so you will now get loads of replies saying you are and loads saying you are not.

FWIW I usually copy what my hosts do.If they are all shoeless and discard theirs then I usually slip mine off. At home I am happy for people to be comfortable so never feel they should or shouldn't. I often wear shoes inthe house but if people kick theirs off that is fine

But if I go into someones house and they imediately ask me to take my shoes off at the door, without some particular reason, I tend to think them rude and would avoid going back.

I prefer my friends to be welcoming and not eyeing the soft furnishings

warthog · 02/09/2010 21:38

yanbu

Original poster
deakell · 02/09/2010 21:39

Yes AnyFule I do.

IlanaK, I did tell the kids to take them off, although the statement was "we don't wear outdoor shoes in this house" and I took mine off too. You'd have to be pretty dim not to notice this.

echt - doormat will get off the lose debris, not necessarily the other finer crap that would come off whilst walking around, especially on carpets.

Crawling baby and outdoor shoes is the biggest issue for me, I should've said something!

OP posts:
Vallhala · 02/09/2010 21:40

YANBU and I was just about to say, before I read beyond the title, that it's the norm in Canada.

Goodness knows how we would make it a culturally normal thing here in England though.

Original poster
deakell · 02/09/2010 21:42

See your point pagwatch, I would never be rude which is why I said nothing to her.

Didn't know this was such a divided topic, I've never had this conversation with anybody before!

Like I said, it's mostly the fact that I've a crawler now and don't want him picking something up whilst my back is turn for 3 seconds.

OP posts:
pantaloons · 02/09/2010 21:42

We all take ours off at the door because the kids play on the floor. The floors are all wooden or tile, so it's not a clean carpet thing, more I don't want dirt all over where they are playing.

My fil comes round and makes a fuss, stating his shoes are clean and he's only been to the shops, but mil makes him take them off. It especially bugs me as you have to take yours off at his house!

BellaEmbergsLovechild · 02/09/2010 21:42

I always automatically assume that shoes will be removed, so YANBU.
(never been to Canada though - maybe I have some rogue gene Confused)

Original poster
deakell · 02/09/2010 21:43

ALso the norm in some Scandinavian countries too so I'm told.

OP posts:
larks35 · 02/09/2010 21:45

I have to admit that the first time I was asked to do this I was a bit Confused. However, I think if you ask nicely then it is fine.

I was at a friends house the other day for her DS's BDay, have been there many a time and she has never asked me to take off my shoes and she didn't on this occasion, but I noticed that everyone else there had shoes off and suddenly thought I should too, so promtly took them off in the hall. Have spoken to her since and she said that she doesn't mind the odd person and had never thought to ask me, but on days when she would have lots of people (and children) round felt it best to say no shoes.

OP I think the woman was rude to ignore your request, my advice would be to pointedly give her a pair of slippers or whatever you deem suitable footware to her next time she comes.

ivykaty44 · 02/09/2010 21:47

you sai you two - not you three

I wouldn't have reaslied you wanted al of us to take our shoes off

Perhaps if you had said we all take our shoes off insdie here - I woudl have got the jist

Jux · 02/09/2010 21:47

Some people insist on taking their shoes off when they come to mine. I have no idea why, I've never asked anyone to do so and never will.

I put shoes on if my feet are cold or if I'm about to go out, and then I don't take them off again until I'm about to go to bed. However, dh and dd are almost always in shoes.

I've even told people not to bother taking their shoes off if I catch them at it, but quite a few insist.

As far as I'm concerned, anyone can do whatever they feel most comfortable with.

BoojaB · 02/09/2010 21:48

YANBU!

PavlovtheCat · 02/09/2010 21:51

YANBU if you ask politely, which you did.

I always ask people to take their shoes off. I have had filthy dirty carpets all my life, in shared/student/rented houses, and when we finally got our disgusting carpet replaced with a lovely soft clean one, there is no way I am going to have it get muddied by people traipsing their dirty shoes through my house, or little bits of mud and whatnot get trod in, or filth walked through my nice just polished kitchen floor. There is one person who is the exception to this rule. His feet stink so his can stay on Grin.

And like you, DS is now crawling, i would prefer he did not crawl over mud and general outdoor grime.
My DH sometimes forgets, I nag him all the time about this. He does not get it yet.

LordPanofthePeaks · 02/09/2010 21:55

YABVery U.

Original poster
deakell · 02/09/2010 21:55

IvayKaty44, yes i did say you two when addressing them because my two did automatically. The actual statement was "we don't wear shoes in this house" and then I took mine off too.

Pretty bleeding obvious no?

OP posts:
2old4thislark · 02/09/2010 21:56

YANBU - your house, your rules, as always.

I hate wearing proper shoes and like to take my shoes of so I usually do whether asked or not - inless it's one of the houss where you wipe your feet on the door mat on the way out Grin

Think the whole Canadian issue of taking the shoes off must be down to the fact that for six months of the years you'll probably be wearing snow boots when you arrive.......

Original poster
deakell · 02/09/2010 21:56

I am LordPan?

Why is that?

OP posts:
PavlovtheCat · 02/09/2010 21:57

(i say i always ask, i don't often, as most people i know automatically take their shoes off as they come in. We have a big box full of shoes as you come up our stairs (flat) and we never wear them in the house ourselves so it is pretty obvious.

Most people who I don't know very well take their shoes off too.

Oneandnomore · 02/09/2010 22:00

YANBU. Shoes off at the door in our house too!

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