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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To exeect people to take off their outdoor shoes before coming into my house

87 replies

deakell · 02/09/2010 21:30

Ok, I know to some people this may seem odd and in fairness when I was a child we didn't do this because my parents never made a fuss. It wasn't until I moved to Canada, where taking off your shoes as you go through the door is the norm, that I now see this as normal.

We always take our shoes off in the cloakroom and put indoor shoes/slippers on. Outdoor shoes all over my floors and carpets really irks me and it's even worse right now with a crawling baby.

A friend came over with her two kids the other day and as they came into the cloakroom my boys took their shoes off automatically as did I, and I politely said to her two "shoes off please, we don't wear outdoors shoes in the house" and the kids, quite happily took them off. My friend however, did not and just came into the house still wearing these clunky, awfully dirty looking boot-type things. This was obviously despite having seen the rest of us take them off and leave them in the porch.

I didn't like it but didn't know what else to say, so I said nothing.

AIBU to expect people to take off outdoor shoes when in my house

Disclaimer: during dinner parties or small even cocktail-type gatherings, I don't usually enforce this

OP posts:
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 03/09/2010 10:38

We have no shoes in our flat too and i can remember the first time the ILs came round we asked them to remove their shoes and they actually got really aggressive and stormed out!

I can see why it's such a divided issue but IMO YANBU :)

Morloth · 03/09/2010 11:02

We have just started doing this, my goodness it makes a difference!

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2010 11:03

My ex-p's mother was insistant on everyone taking their shoes off in her house - including DS1 when he was 3m old Hmm

BeenBeta · 03/09/2010 11:07

YANBU. Having lived on a farm its a habit I have from childhood.

More to the point. Have you seen what is on the pavements!?

We do it religiously and its amazing how much cleaner the house stays. Always do it when visiting other people and many are quite surprised.

loopyloops · 03/09/2010 11:10

Oh my goodness, I posted this very same thing a few months ago and got totally flamed! The you are being rude/precious/ridiculous crew must be off doing something else today, maybe buying new carpets!

Morloth · 03/09/2010 11:21

I used to be in the "It is rude to get people to take them off brigade", but have switched sides. It probably is rude, but the difference in the level of cleaning required has turned my head. I would rather be rude than clean the floor.

So now if you don't want to take your shoes off, don't come in.

gottasmile · 03/09/2010 11:24

I've just come from 3 years in Canada and we do it too!

Like BeenBeta said, look at what's on the pavements!! It's not so much dirt I'm worried about, it's the dog and bird poo and the vomit that I sometimes see outside our local pub!!

I wish everyone would automatically just do it, I find it so awkward asking people to take their shoes off.

Deliaskis · 03/09/2010 11:41

We take our own shoes off when we come into the house (and do at most other people's houses) and so do most of our guests, without being asked, but I would never ask someone to take their shoes off if they haven't done so by choice. I think it is rude, as it is suggesting that my carpet/cleanliness rules are more important than their comfort. As a 'hostess' (that makes me sound like a 1970s housewife, I'm not), my first concern is the comfort of my guests, not my wish to avoid cleaning.

Exception is things like walking boots or workboots that are clearly filthy.

People might have a number of reasons for not wanting to, including their own foot hygiene (some people really can't help this), inappropriate socks, or no socks at all.

I don't particularly like being asked to take shoes off, although I usually would do anyway. It's the asking that makes it rude IMO. There are some people whose houses we rarely visit as they insist on no shoes but have cold wooden floors and it just makes visiting uncomfortable.

D

Ephiny · 03/09/2010 11:47

I don't ask people to take their shoes off if they don't do it voluntarily as I feel it would be rude. But we never wear shoes in the house ourselves and it would feel weird to do so, especially on the carpets and the bathroom tiles.

Isn't it better for your feet to go without shoes anyway (obv not outdoors where you'd get cold/step on sharp things etc)?

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/09/2010 11:49

I don't care about outside xshoes being worn inside (there is not a carpet in the house) but i would tell anyone wearing stilettos to take them off in order to not pock mark the wooden floor.

A bit of dirt you can clean up, no problem. But 1000 of tiny holes, not so easy.

loopyloops · 03/09/2010 12:09

After my post and being told that I should allow people to wear their shoes, I let a man who came to get a sofa from Freecycle into the house wear his shoes, and now (weeks later and many attempts to clean) there are dirty marks all up the stairs on my new carpet.

YANBU.

papooshka · 03/09/2010 12:26

YANBU I am in Singapore and its the norm here to take off your shoes when you go into someones house, tradesmen do it too automatically. And most people have marble floors too so its not about dirty carpets, just polite and like you say there is so much crap on the ground outside, god knows what you would be bringing inside!

When I am back in the UK at other peoples houses and people walk in in their shoes straight onto the carpets it just makes me cringe!

SeaTrek · 03/09/2010 18:30

YANBU

Up until recently I only had hard floors downstairs so that it wouldn't bug me when people didn't take their shoes off.

MIL/FIL were very resistant to me insisting no shoes on the upstairs carpet though. I have now bought shoe covers, mainly for FIL. They would only take their shoes off if I was looking, if not they would just march on up looking defiant! Thankfully, they KNOW the drill now that we have downstair carpet, too!

I honestly don't mind shoes on my amtico/tiles but I do mind the carpet. We now have some downstairs and I know I will cringe when I see peeople walk on it with their outside shoes. I'm sure I would mind full-stop if I had a crawler though.

I, and DS/DH, automatically take our shoes off when we enter someones home with carpet. DS does it automatically in everyones home irrespective on what is on the floor but I and DH wouldn't automatically do it for wooden floors, unless I saw that everyone else had.

zanz1bar · 03/09/2010 18:52

Shoes on all day.

Get dressed in the morning, put shoes on thats it.

Cant stand taking shoes off at front doors, then trying to work out whos feet are the stinky ones.

Life is too short to worry about pristine carpet.It always makes me think the household is a bit prissy.

On a sunny afternoon like today the door is always open, shoes off/shoes on like a yoyo, no way.

I have no carpet downstairs so dont have a problem with shoes, also have a dog, so what would be the point.

And yes I have taught the kids to ask at friends houses.

Deux · 03/09/2010 18:54

Loopyloops, plastic elasticated overshoe type things are great to have in this situation. Also good for tradesmen who need to wear boots etc.

sarah293 · 03/09/2010 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IlanaK · 05/09/2010 20:58

Just adding to this (again) as we had family round yesterday that we don't normally see. Asked them to remove shoes which they did, but when getting ready to leave, the husband put his shoes on and then walked all over the flat in them picking up their stuff, chasing after their little one. What was the point of that??? Really pissed me off! And of course I had to clean the floors when they left.

I even have one of our regular handymen/builders that is trained to take his shoes off when he comes into do work!

PussinJimmyChoos · 05/09/2010 21:02

I nearly stepped in a pile of green hawked up phelgm today...was disgusting and I nearly heaved...this is the kind of things that are on our pavements...not to mention all the dog shit trails...what you bring in on shoes does not bear thinking about

YANBU!!

piprabbit · 05/09/2010 21:17

I hate it when I go to pick up my DD from a playdate - it's not the be all and end all of my evening, I'll generally just have dropped everything to rush out quickly and collect her - only to find myself being invited into a 'shoes-off' house unexepctedly.
I have to do a quick inventory: am I wearing socks? are they hole-free? are bare feet acceptable on pristine floors? are my shoes easy to slip off, or will I have to sit on the floor to either remove them or put them back on?
I generally end up doing an awkward little dance on the door mat, trying to decline polite invitations in while hoping the DD pulls her finger out and gets ready to leave.
It's a minefield for householder and unintentional guest.

Claw3 · 05/09/2010 21:30

Do you not have just as many germs/bacteria etc on your feet?

Not sure what is worse, people with shoes on or someone with corns, verrucas, athletes foot and toe jam!

I hate feet!

Bast · 05/09/2010 21:34

I always ask guests to keep their shoes on in my home, to save their socks from getting grubby!

(I was brought up to take shoes off in anyone's doors but as an adult, have a mild phobia of other adults feet Hmm)

Claw3 · 05/09/2010 21:36

Bast, now your talking, if i had to sit looking at someone else's feet while eating lunch.......puke!

IlanaK · 05/09/2010 21:37

Most of my friends have clean feet. But there is one child that visits that when he takes his shoes off, you can smell them from 3 rooms away!

I would still prefer sweaty feet on my floors than shoes that have walked on the disgusting pavements of London.

Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 21:37

YABU. Houses are for living in, not for being precious about.

Mumcentreplus · 05/09/2010 21:40

Your house ..your rules..everyone else has to DEAL...dont get people being so 'precious' about their footwear

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