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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To exeect people to take off their outdoor shoes before coming into my house

87 replies

deakell · 02/09/2010 21:30

Ok, I know to some people this may seem odd and in fairness when I was a child we didn't do this because my parents never made a fuss. It wasn't until I moved to Canada, where taking off your shoes as you go through the door is the norm, that I now see this as normal.

We always take our shoes off in the cloakroom and put indoor shoes/slippers on. Outdoor shoes all over my floors and carpets really irks me and it's even worse right now with a crawling baby.

A friend came over with her two kids the other day and as they came into the cloakroom my boys took their shoes off automatically as did I, and I politely said to her two "shoes off please, we don't wear outdoors shoes in the house" and the kids, quite happily took them off. My friend however, did not and just came into the house still wearing these clunky, awfully dirty looking boot-type things. This was obviously despite having seen the rest of us take them off and leave them in the porch.

I didn't like it but didn't know what else to say, so I said nothing.

AIBU to expect people to take off outdoor shoes when in my house

Disclaimer: during dinner parties or small even cocktail-type gatherings, I don't usually enforce this

OP posts:

Original poster

deakell · 02/09/2010 22:04

Ok, well more people than not think IANBU, so I am happy. I will now go and buy a nice tasteful selection of £2.00 Tesco's slippers and leave by the front door and wack non-compliant individuals round the face with the nearest pair if they don't take their damn shoes off

OP posts:

Nospringflower · 02/09/2010 22:04

Well, I agree with your house your rules so if you feel strongly about it then I think you have to make it clear (even if you think its obvious). But, I like my guests to feel welcome and comfortable in my house and if that means keeping their shoes on fine. I think adults are capable of assessing whether they have muddy feet etc whereas children are not, so often people have different rules for children.

Giddyup · 02/09/2010 22:05

Hmmm depends who it is. Kids and friends usually just take them off without being asked I find... PIL or my parents or anyone of an older generation then I would not ask them to, disrespectful IMVHO

Nospringflower · 02/09/2010 22:06

Have cross posted but would say - if you insisted I take my shoes off the last thing I would want to do is wear some horrible cheap slippers!!

Original poster

deakell · 02/09/2010 22:07

Twas a joke Nospringflower

OP posts:

IlanaK · 02/09/2010 22:08

I hate the slipper thing. Despite the fact that everyone MUST take shoes on if my house, I do not have slippers available. The idea of putting my feet into shoes that someone else has worn is yuck!

Florin · 02/09/2010 22:08

We have the same rule in our house. We have light carpets which we can't afford to replace. Most people are completly fine about it. MIL is not happy with the rule last time she insisted her shoes were clean and dh had to point out that she has just been digging in our veggie patch so they oculdn't be. She was not best pleased but he stood over her till she took her shoes off! Our house our rules!

sloanypony · 02/09/2010 22:10

YABU if you expect it if you haven't specifically asked them. If you have and they refuse, that's a little rude on their behalf.

However, there is something slightly undignified and informal about padding around in stocking feet. This is from someone who doesn't have holes in their socks or smelly feet.

I like the fact that you dont enforce it for a cocktail/dinner type thing where people might be a bit dressed up. If I turned up at someones's and had to take my shoes off when I was wearing an evening dress of some kind, I would be very put out and probably would not go back or at least would not dress up next time.

Any other time I'd shrug and go with the flow but to be honest, there are doormats. If shoes are properly dirty with wet mud or something, that's another thing.

I'm grateful that generally speaking its not considered the norm where I am. My feet would be cold and sad without my shoes.

Original poster

deakell · 02/09/2010 22:12

But you don't have to have a big clump of something hanging off your shoes to spread germs,that's the point. And who knows at any given time what's on the soles of their shoes anyway? I don't. I walked mud in my sons reception class last year, without realising it - the teacher quite happily told me and I wasn't bothered.

To walk around someone's house with a big clump of something hanging off or with some obvious dirt (which some people no doubt would be daft enough to do) if you are aware of it but don't want to, is far ruder than being asked to take them off IMO

OP posts:

IlanaK · 02/09/2010 22:13

A friend of mine is even more obsessive about it than me and when we went to hers for a christmas drinks party, I did not take off my shoes (or instruct dh to) as I would normally do at her place. How wrong I was! She expected shoes off even for a dressy party. And I have to say it did look odd. I would have made an exception in that case.

Original poster

deakell · 02/09/2010 22:15

Sloany, we x-posted. TO be fair, this one incident stands out in my mind because 1) her shoes were dirty (we'd been walking round the lakes with our children) and 2) everybody else did. I just didn't get it.

Should add, I'm hypersensitive right now because of my crawling baby

OP posts:

Nospringflower · 02/09/2010 22:16

Lol - I thought you were serious as I'm sure I've read about people supplying slippers before. I really dont care that much about it but do think people who want everyone to take their shoes off are a bit precious. What do you do if someone has dirty hands?!

Original poster

deakell · 02/09/2010 22:18

I never shake hands with people, but that's a different thread

OP posts:

Madinitials · 02/09/2010 22:18

YANBU. Growing up, we always took our shoes off at home and my sister and I continue the traditional. I keep a pair of slippers specifically for my mom as she likes to stand in my tiled kitchen and says the floor's cold, I quite like it.

I agree that a rack of shoes at the front door drops a heavy hint for most guests but if it doesn't work, I politely ask them to remove their shoes. I feel more strongly about it now since DD is crawling and a lot people seem not to wipe their feet on the doormat.

CappuccinoCarrie · 02/09/2010 22:37

I visited someone and at the door they said "just to let you know this is a shoe's off house!" or words to that effect. Thought it was a very gracious way of saying what was expected without telling someone what to do.
I'd say YANBU but life is too short to get stressed about one person out of many not respecting your rules.

tokyonambu · 02/09/2010 22:45

If you've worked for a Japanese company, you'll notice that a lot of Japanese men, particularly, sort of shuffle around. It's because you always, always take off your shoes in houses and wear slippers, and that's what they're most used to. Even the grottiest hotel in Japan will provide slippers for you to wear in your room, many restaurants will provide them when you enter (and, charmingly, a separate pair to wear when you got to the lavatory) and you will get given slippers to wear on Japanese airlines' long-haul flights. It's very civilised.

I stayed in a really, really basic company dorm for a week, which was like a university hall of residence without the charm and fine dining, and although there was a distinct lack of almost everything beyond a bed and a window in my room, there was nonetheless a clean pair of slippers by the door and a clean dressing gown in the wardrobe. You can put up with a lot when you've got slippers, a dressing gown, a heated toilet seat and a view of the Tokyo skyline outside the window.

musicmadness · 02/09/2010 22:53

YANBU - but i think you need to specifically say something to your friend. I wouldn't necessarily have thought the rule included adults as well from what you said in the OP. I can't think of a house i've been in where this has been a rule so it would have to be spelled out to me I think! Your friend might have been equally oblivious if its not something she has come across before. Next time just ask if everyone could take there shoes off or offer your friend the use of slippers or something.

On a side note is this the norm in Canada then? Hopefully I will be living over their for a year in the next couple of years so I don't want to appear rude if I can help it!

Housewife2010 · 02/09/2010 22:59

YANBU

I hate people wearing shoes in my house, but am just a bit wimpy to enforce it. Once wev'e had our carpets cleaned i will be more forceful.

tulpe · 02/09/2010 23:07

YANBU.

I always ask guests to remove shoes - altho agree that I wouldn't ask this if we were having a party or friends for dinner in the evening as it would feel odd to be padding around in bare feet in that situation.

cumfy · 02/09/2010 23:46

Smelly feet
YANBU

ladette · 02/09/2010 23:54

I have a door mat and wouldn't ask people to take their shoes off. But it's your house, so your choice, however, if you want people to feel comfortable in your home maybe let people know before they come that you have a no-shoes policy so they can bring slippers/not wear socks with holes in/shave legs if wearing long boots etc. Excruciatingly embarrassing otherwise. Pristine house vs comfortable house guests...

Original poster

deakell · 03/09/2010 10:09

Yes Music, this is the norm in Canada!

(Fer sure) at the Canadians would say.

You won't be asked, so do it anyway. If it's not a problem, homeowner will let you know.

I suppose if a cloakroom is full of shoes and everybody else is taking them because I've said "we don't wear shoes in this house" and I'm taking them off too, this seems pretty obvious to me.

Still, I shall politely mention in future if it bothers me.

Have a great time in Canada, I lived in VAncouver for 10 years and would move back tomorrow (except DH doesn't want to - again, a whole new thread)

OP posts:

Isawthreeships · 03/09/2010 10:21

I think Giddyup has a point - this may be a generational issue. My grandfather, who was brought up pre-central heating, never takes his shoes off (even on my lovely new white carpet - but then he probably thinks I'm daft for having white carpet when lovely multi-coloured patterned stuff is so much better for hiding the dirt ). My generation and younger never wear shoes in the house, IME.

I always offer to remove my shoes, and would only leave them on if the host specifically said so and wasn't just being polite - I usually follow their example to be on the safe side. I'd expect guests in my house to do the same (except my lovely old grandad, of course).

conkie · 03/09/2010 10:22

I think it is rude to ask people to take there shoes of but that is just me. It is like you are saying that whoever comes into your house are filthy.

curlymama · 03/09/2010 10:36

My dh hates taking his shoes off when we go to others houses, but for some reason he has really sensitive feet and he can't stand the feel of walking on floors without shoes or slippers on. Carpets are not so bad. So tbh, I think it's a bit mean when he has to take his shoes off and walk around on a wooden floor, but I guess I would say that! I'd think it was a bit mean anyway on hard floors, your feet get cold if you're not wearing socks, and it's not as if floors are hard to clean if you're that paranoid. And all these people that are worried about babies, how do you know the person thats walking around in your house barefoot doesnt have verrucas or fungal infections? Seems safer to me to get people to leave shoes on, at least you can clean dirt!

I don't mind people wearing shoes in our downstairs, but ideally not to go upstairs where we have carpet.

My MIL is diabetic and has bad circulation, aparrantly the doctor has advised her never to walk around without some form of protection (ie slippers or shoes) on her feet, so she quite often has slippers with her. But I think those of you that are so adamantly againt shoe wearing in your house should think about things like that too, it's not uncommon.

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