to think it's sad to hear young children using their parent's first names rather than mummy and daddy

[spiralqueen]

Following on from the other thread, I know of a couple whose young children call them "Janet" and "John" (not real names obv). They say it is because they are their children's best friends but I find it dreadfully sad especially when they are so young (both under 8).

Is it just me or would you find it sad too? Or do you insist on your children calling you by your first name?

i don't think it really matters does it?

ds1 calls us by our first names- we've never encouraged him to. he just says "well thats your name"
he is 5

it doesn't bother me, but other people think it's a bit odd

Not sad particularly, though I don't really get why they want to do that. I'd be more bothered by the fact they think their job is to be their child's "best friends" - I think that should be a role for other children to fill, not parents!

My dd1 aged six went through a phase of doing this, and I did find it sad. I told her that and asked her to call me mama or mummy. I don't insist though.

Just MO, but I find it disrespectful, and I would definately not want to be my DCs bessy mate!

But like thisis says, it shouldn't really matter what other people think, so long as you and your DC are happy.

I'd be more concerned about the fact that they consider themselves their children's "best friends"...

I know what you mean, but "mummy" is not my name, it is a role (a very special role) that I became once I had my first baby.

And I'd kill dh if he started calling me "wife" or even "wifey"

I know parents who do this - friends of my parents. They said they thought it would be easier to tell whose children were theirs in a sea of "mummy and daddy"s, ie at school gates or whatever.

I recognise my kids' voices but each to their own.

Their children (my age), both have kids of their own and are referred to as their first name too (other parent is mummy/daddy).

DH calls his mother by her first name but that's because she wasn't around for the first few years of his life; she was working in a different city and he was raised communally. So all the people who raise him are referred to by their first names.

I don't think it's 'sad'.

Most children do it for a time. DD is 3 and currently uses dh's first name and my nickname.

Don't feel sad, we're fine thanks.

well my ds calls us by our names as we have foster children and they call us by our names, also ds has adhd and asd so gets into certain ways of thinking and calling us mum and dad is different to what the other kids in the house do so he doesn't want to.

Makes no difference to us, he knows we are his parents so no problems all round.

Perhaps you are being just a bit hasty in your judgements.

So yabu, imo.

it doesn't matter to me. I called my dad by his first name and my mum by her nickname all my life. We also used Mum and Dad but even now I will write cards to my mum using her name.
I intend to let my kids call my by my first name and won't always be saying 'go and ask daddy' - I'll use his first name.

I would hate this. I am their mother not their mate - I don't believe you can be both to a young child.

I would also be scared to death that it meant they didn't love me, to not call me mummy, to not think of me as mama

oh gawd I'm coming over all emotional just thinking about it

But that's not to say that a child who chooses to call a parent by their first name actually feels that! Just that that is what I would fear if it happened to me. The thoughts that would go through my mind.

DD does this sometimes, she's two and a half and if she's spent time with her cousins then I become Rockbird or Aunty Rockbird for a while.

Meh - my ds(4) does it, and it doesn't bother me greatly. He has done it on and off since he was 2 for no apparent reason.

Dreadfully dreadfully sad. What is the world coming to?

It's more weird that they think they are their children's best friends.

I called my dad by his name for a long time but then I didn't grow up with him, and have never called anyone dad. I call him dad now, for the sake of our patched up relationship, but it feels weird so I try and avoid calling him anything.

His son (my half brother) went through a phase at about 11/12 of calling my dad his best friend and my dad said half of him was over joyed but the sensible half of him was a bit concerned about it.

It's ok being 'best friends' with your parents as adults I think, but it shouldn't be encouraged with children, they need to branch out and test boundaries.

I am not my dd's best friend (not at all ), but she calls both DH & I by our first names. Not intended - but we lived for many years in a housing co-op with lots of adults & children, so she grew up hearing everyone calling us by our names, & just got in the way of it. Also as there tended to be quite a lot of visitors, it was much easier for her to say 'where's Takver', rather than 'where's my Mum' to someone who might not know which child went with who, IYKWIM. I don't find it sad, and in practice many of her best friends call their parents by their real names, I think its quite common these days.

I think it's down to your personal preference and upbringing. My Parents were always Mum and Dad, and other relatives are still Nan, Grandad etc. I still occasionally call my Auntie 'Auntie' and I'm 20!

My niece is going through a phase of calling people different things. She will call her Mum and Dad 'Mama and Dada' (she's nearly 2) or by their first names. My sister in law is also a Grandma and so my Niece spends a lot of time with her Nephew (are you keeping up?!) So her Nephew calls her Mum (my sister in law) Nan. She has taken to calling her Mum, Nana. But her real Nan (my mother in law) is Non non for some reason.

I personally would prefer my children to call us Mum and Dad.

Nothing is down to personal prefs on MN

dd alternates between 'Mama' 'Mommy' 'Mom' and '[my name]' and does the same for dp.... I don't find it odd, they're our names and she hears us using them and everyone else referring to us by them. ds1 does it too but to a lesser extent.

It doesn't bother us at all, why would it? My name isn't Mommy, it's my job description!

How strange to find it sad. DD has called me and DH by our Christian names for ages, though she sometimes reverts to Mummy and Daddy. It's because we call each other by our names and she copies that. It certainly isn't a reflection on how much she loves us, or our parenting skills.

I think it's up to the parents and children involved. I know my parents would have considered it massively disrespectful.

I always expected to be a "hip" kind of parent whose kids called me by my first name, but now this has come up when I have my little baby sleeping in my lap, I think it would hurt me quite a lot if he didn't call me Mum, I went through quite a lot to get to be a mum, and I think it signifies the specialness of our relationship.

Incidentally, I just read the "auntie" bit. I do call my aunts "auntie" still, but felt kind of mortfied when my 21 year old niece did it (there is only 7 years between us), I wish she would just call me by my first name, it makes me feel very, very old to be "Auntie" to a grown woman!

I'm 38 and my aunts are still 'auntie', never occurred to any of us that they wouldn't be . My mother is auntie to my 44 year old cousin. This notion of names expiring is bloody madness and I've thankfully only ever come across it here. Normal people in the real world don't seem to know about it.

yanbu i dont think its nice either, but each to their own. would not allow my dc to call me by my first name though, only mum/mummy or anything along those lines