To ask my brother and family not to go to church when we visit

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I plan on visiting my brother, sil and their 2 children for a weekend in September with my 2 ds's. All the children get on fabulously and really enjoy eachothers company although, due to distance apart, we dont meet up as often as is liked.

My brother and sil are deeply religious to the point of fanaticism. They read the bible every day, pray religiously, attend church at least 2 if not 3 times a week, sometimes twice on a sunday (obviously the message doesnt get through first time).

Now, if we visit at the weekend and stay overnight, would IBU to ask them not to go to church on a sunday morning as the whole thing takes about 3 hours and we just end up hanging around waiting for them to come back. This defeats the object of the whole trip if we are there to see them plus I also think it is rude to abandon your guests.

Hullygolly - why do you want to be the chosen one? That's another silly thing you've said.

I'd have the same reaction if it were football or some other regular commitment that they did every week.

Not unreasonable to wish they wouldn't do it when you're there. But unreasonable to ask them not to or complain about missing out on three whole hours of their company. Unless you actually want to cause a big family row, of course.

So OP YANBU in being a bit put out by their prioritising their silly hobby, but there's not a lot you can do about it: just work round it. Post by SolidGoldBrass

How crass.

Riven - I think I like your MIL. She's just being authentic.

"Those who say the brother is unreasoanble. When you visit people do you expect them to drop all their beliefs and lifestyle to accomodate yours? Vegetarins cooking you meat? Parnets not making school run? Teetotallers drinking?"

Took me ages to figure out what a parnet is :o

Lol at Rivens MIL being authentic.

I suspect Rivens MIL may quite like you too animation

SolidGoldBrass - Religion isn't a hobby. That's a rude and condescending statement to make.

And I'm not religious.

why is leaving aguest to go for a run different from leaving guest to go to church?

"When you visit people do you expect them to drop all their beliefs and lifestyle to accomodate yours? Vegetarins cooking you meat? Parnets not making school run? Teetotallers drinking?"

Well, that's an interesting one. Politeness dictates that you pander to your guests dietary fads, so I'm not sure why one trumps another. But as I've been vegan myself when I was poor young and often cook without meat, I can't get overly worked up about it: visitors to this house may get veggie food even if they aren't veggie, so I wouldn't demand meat in a vegetarian's house.

Booze is more interesting, and I have on a couple of Christmases gone out and got a bottle when visiting my in-laws, who are the worst of all worlds: they aren't teetotal, which I would respect, rather they simply don't drink "very often" (ie, at all) and therefore never have any drink around "but we'd have got some in if we had remembered". And on the odd occasions they do buy, it's dreadful, so byo is the best move anyway...

and why is Rivens MIL trying to tell me something by going for a run when Riven visits. She isn't coming round to my house is she?

"Religion isn't a hobby."

Could you provide us with a guide as how we can distinguish hobby from religion?

YANBU

they could attend the sunday evening service instead.

and i'm with tokyo.

My best friend is a very religious evangelical Christian and I am an athiest who strongly disagrees with alot of what she believes.

She believes the bible word-for-word i.e God created everything in seven days. She believes that homosexuality is wrong, that abortion is murder etc.

Her father once said to me (I intend to pursue a career in obs and gynae) that the term 'foetus' is horrible as it is the medical professions attempt to dehumanise 'babies in the womb' so that they can kill them. I said that it was a way of descibing a period of development for example you wouldn't call a baby a teenager. Or a blastocyst an adult.

My friend and her family do try to present 'scientific' (scientifically flawed) proof to me to support their beliefs. Unlike most people I do not get upset by their attempts to convert me as they truly believe that if I do not find Jesus that I will burn in hell so they only keep trying to convert me as they care about me.

Anyway, (sorry I'm taking a long time to get to my point) I know that her religion means alot to my friend so when I visit her I go to church with her. I even stay for the young people's prayer group after church. If she visits me we go to a church near me. I do not feel uncomfortable that the pastor rants for atleast half an hour about how non-believers go to hell as I do not believe it so it does not affect me.

I actually find it very interesting to hear about their beliefs and (in my opinion) misconceptions and enjoy the oportunity to meet new people and occasionally debate. I have no problem with hugging or shaking hands with new people. I also enjoy the songs and the bible has many good stories that have decent moral points (like fables) to take away and that help you to reflect.

If you did go to their church with your DDs I think that it would be a brilliant opportunity to educate your DDs about something that their cousins feel strongly about and to teach them the importance of respecting everyones opinions (no matter how bizarre). If you have a talk with them about how this is what they believe, this is what you believe, other people believe different things etc. it could be a wonderful experience. If they play with their cousin's their is no way that they can avoid the "you are going to hell" idea anyway so you may aswell educate them about it. They will also come across people who believe all sorts of things in their lifetimes.

So in summary I think that just this once, you and your DDs should go to church with your brother and his family.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

"Why is leaving to go for a run different from leaving guest to go to church."

It's not. The OP would NOT be unreasonable if either scenarios bothered her.

Tokyo - If it helps you any:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby

Do you really not get the difference between a set of principles and beliefs that shape a persons entire existance and um, knitting (for example)? Really?

I'm not religious as I said. I do not seek however to belittle those that are.

I don't care . As long as she isn't coming to me.

Try again:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby

Tokyo: Religion is a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny;

I'm sure you can work out for yourself the difference between that and a hobby.

Pagwatch - Rivens MIL may like to run over to your house - why not?

"Could you provide us with a guide as how we can distinguish hobby from religion?"

Well, they may well believe that it's a sin not to attend church regularly (I know for a fact that in some denominations it is seen as a very serious sin). So, whatever you or the OP may think of that, I don't think it's fair to ask somebody to commit what they regard as a sin. Not the case with a hobby.

I think it might be good for the OPs children to understand that some people have religious commitments that come before other things, like playing with them every hour of the weekend. You don't have to even respect it, it's just good to learn about your fellow man and to accept and tolerate different ways of life.

Yes, Pag. You aren't being very Christian in your attitudes, are you? Why wouldn't you want to meet Riven's MIL?

I think people have been hard on tokyo. She has a very valid point. The OP's family are inviting her and her family to stay - who they know are not religious - and then more or less saying that they are unwilling to give up their usual routine and spend the day with them! Seems bizarre ansd very unreasonable on their part to me. They can surely miss church just occasionally. God will not mind. They can say a few prayers later in the day at home after the OP and her family have left. Katisha I think you are correct in what you say. Waiting now for the backlash from rockbird and arses!

Morganlebuffay - well that's the problem - if you get that wrapped up about whether or not you're being sinful or not - you end up being extreme and weird, and completely lose perspective.

All things in moderation - and spend time with family if they've travelled a long way, and have a good day out togther. How could your God be offended by that?

she can try. I will lock her out. I am already doomed so what do I care. Bloody runners.

I am deeply lovely but not a good host. I am straddling heaven and hell ( if God is choosing based on hospitality)

Hullygully - I like you!!