for telling DH not to let DS pick up mud with his hands?

[DetectivePotato]

DS is 2.7 and loves to dig in the garden. He has his own little spades and was out there quite happily with DH watching him whilst I was getting tea.

I could hear DH saying "don't let mummy see you doing that, she will have a fit"

I looked out of the window and DS was digging in the dirt with his hands. Yes I know I have issues with not liking dirty hands etc and I am probably OTT but there are several cats in this area and 2 live next door where the garden is just concrete so they have nowhere to go to the toilet. I suspect there are many cats that use our garden. I have seen them in the front.

I told DH that he shouldn't let DS do it with his hands as it is probably riddled with cat poo but he has this attitude that because DS is a child, he should be allowed to play in whatever dirt he can. He let DS carry on and I could here him whispering to him. When I insisted that he stop DS as he could be playing with cat poo, DH still didn't think that would be a problem and got really huffy with me. Once we went out to a park and it had been raining the day before and there was a massive muddy puddle. I told DH who was near DS to stop him from jumping in the puddle without wellies on as it was a massive puddle (not your ordinary little puddle on the street but a big one in the grass, DS also had his brand new shoes on), his clothes would have got filthy and we had nothing to change him into. DH said "oh he is fine" 2 seconds later DS fell over in the puddle and was covered in water and mud and we had to get back in the car with him like that (visit to the park was an impromptu).

I know I need to let kids be kids but I also feel that DH is too much the other way and seems to think DS should be getting filthy for the sake of it.

cumfy actually I think it might be you who doesn't have the hang of this forum or a grip on humour

undercovamutha I can see what you are saying, but DP has only posted 2 instances where her DH pissed her off with these things, I am sure she does let her DS get dirty and have fun! She even said if it had been a 'normal' puddle, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Children should be able to jumpt in muddy puddles.

It's amazing to see how many parents think that their children should never learn that these is a time and a place for doing things and that jumping into puddles when you are wearing new shoes could be one of those times when you don't do it.

Of course the SAHP tends to 'make the rules' because they are the ones who are dealing with the children 90% of the time, if the other parent has an issue with something then it can be discussed but there's usually a pretty good reason for 'the rule'. It is just ridiculous to expect a 2 year old to follow 2 sets of rules for everything... mad suggestion.

As long as you are sensible about it, then playing in mud and dirt is very GOOD for children as it boosts their immune system.

If they have obvious poo on their hands then of course wash it off, but what is the harm in selecting an area of the garden, clearing it of any poo, then covering it up to stop any fouling.

Basically, like a sand box but with dirt!

Always carry a set or two of clean clothes in a bag in the car or in a daysack and let your DC get as dirty as possible

YABU.

Toddlers like to get messy. Simple as. Your DH, regardless of who takes the lead is still his parent.

I go mad when DH tells me to stop DD doing something, or to watch her - he is her parent too, if he is there and he has issue with what she is about to do, he should stop it. Could you not have stopped him jumping in the puddle?

As for the poo issue in the garden. We have dogs and the neighbours have cats. Either DH or I do poo patrol twice a day. DD is then free to dig to her heart's content.

Plus, re the puddle issue - if it were in the dead of winter, I presume your DS was just past two? My DD is 2.5 and I never leave the house without spare socks/jeans/t-shirt etc. Toddlers get dirty.

You may find these helpful.

Togz waterproof dungarees. Great to keep by the back door, under the pram, in the boot, in the nappy bag, etc. Perfect for muddy play, sandpits, dirt digging, etc.

I second the idea for a big garden tray full of approved soil. Keep a cover on it so the cats don't get to it at night. You can use it like a sandpit, incorporate small world figures, natural materials, etc.

You say you have 'issues with dirty hands' in the OP. So it is a logical question to ask - 'what next, no play-doh or baking?'

As both of these involve dirty hands.

I have cats. It wouldn't matter if I did or not though as the entire street has them. Next door has four and next door but one has three. I also have a dog. The presence of animals has very little bearing on my childrens outdoor activities.

We grow several varieties of vegetables, fruit and herbs in our garden. My DD digs up the produce daily - with her bare hands, mostly. She will then bring it in, wash and prepare it before it is eaten or stored. Daily. She is 4 and has been doing this for well over a year.

Her favourite habit as a new crawler was to put gravel and stones in her mouth. She also ate grass a lot. Her immune system is fabulous and she loves being outdoors.

I'm not changing my story thank you very much. Yes I have issues with dirty hands but I still let my DS play with play dough etc, I don't want him to have my issues. I'm not an idiot, I do know not to pass this on to him.

I said I don't have mental health issues based on comment on here about me clearly having "dirt mental health issues" or whatever it was, I can't be bothered to go and find the comment now. Maybe I have, I have had depression 3 times. I refused to be 'diagnosed' on here based on one person telling me that I have "dirt mental health issues"

It doesn't matter if I have OCD, or if O have told you that or not. You shouldn't assume I don't have, or anyone else. Saying "anti dirt lunacy" is an insult to me. I can't help the way I am unfortunately. It looks like I need to completely change who I am to satisfy everyone on here and just go ahead and let my DS play with cat shit (DH wouldn't have even thought about it, which is why I pointed it out to him). Oh and what an incompetant mother I am for not carrying spare clothes around with me when we were going for a walk, with pavements but happened to stop at a park with 1 muddle puddle. How stupid of me. I know my DS thank you very much. I gave up carrying spare clothes when I never ever needed to change him.

There is nothing wrong with DS's immune system as people seem to be suggesting. He barely gets a cold, let alone anything else. Nearly all toddlers I know are full of colds, picking up bugs etc. DS has a very good immune system, as I said, my house could be cleaner but then I would be going over the top with that too.

DH isn't too scared to say anything to me FFS. This was 1 incident where I he said something like that to DS. DH has no problem telling me if he disagrees with something on parenting. Yes I do like to be in control, because I have to be. Nothing would ever ever get done in my house if I wasn't taking charge of it all.

Sorry, I know I kind of went off on one there but it seems that people (and I am taking about nearly everyone on here) are making massive assumptions on my whole life based on these 2 incidents and it has pissed me off a bit.

Chipping and another poster seem to be the only ones who get what I mean and are basing it on the 2 incidents that I mentioned. Suddenly I am controlling, DH is afraid of me, DS has a bad immune system and I have mental health problems.

DS has a face covered in yoghurt at the moment and I am inwardly cringing but I am letting him get on with it. Or now am I going to be a bad mother for sitting here and letting him to that while I am on the net?

dh and i disagree ondirt/wet issues/

he doesnt like dd4 playing in puddles, or going outsduie when its raining. i put her wellie boots on and a raincoat and let her play in the mud.

we have dogs, they use our garden as well, but she tends to play up on the deck than the mud.

she loves digging in dirt though. she is a filth monster.

when dh complaisn i just say 'she is all washable, so is her clothes, go put her in the bath and put clean dry clothes on her when she is done playing'.

Oh I have no issue with DS going out in the rain with his wellies and coat on, he loves the rain and wind. DH moans like anything if a slight shower makes him wet. We are the total opposite on that one. He doesn't mind DS getting wet in the rain though. Wish I had a big enough garden for DS to play elsewhere but it is smaller than our front room.

I do need to chill, his clothes will wash, so will he like you said. I am getting better its just there are certain times when its not a great idea, and being pregnant, I'm not searching the garden for cat shit to remove.

am also pregnant.

dd4 sneaks out there in just her nappy sometimes. i keep telling her the neighbours will start to call her a feral child if she does it in winter lol.

Getting filthy for the sake of it is my children's favourite game.

Pretty much every inch of the planet has had cat/dog/human shit on it at sometime. Everything we touch everyday, everything we put in out mouths is RIDDLED with bacteria and other germs.

And it doesn't matter.

Most have no effect on us. The rest our immune systems take care of. Sometimes you get sick. There's nothing you can do about it, EXCEPT wash your hands.

So get dirty, then wash.

That's it.

Just looked at the link to your thread Zapostrophe. If I had been around then, I would have agreed with you! I loathe these pirate themed clothes and there is loads of it for boys and all the bedroom stuff. I have never really thought about the whole 'pirates are criminals' angle but it is true what you said!

YABU. It doesn't do any harm to let children play with mud or to jump in puddles.