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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cringe when thread titles have threats of violence in them?

38 replies

Tanga · 30/08/2010 16:43

I know it's just a figure of speech and that people don't mean they actually want to slap/punch/knock out their husbands/partners or whatever...but does that mean it's OK? Would it be OK on a men's forum for there to be titles like 'I just want to punch my wife for letting the kids make a mess' or whatever. (Tried there to not make the title too similar to anything that has been posted, I'm uncomfortable about all off them, but not judging the content, IYSWIM)

Or am I being really precious about it? I think the words we choose matter, but am not always very good at expressing myself...

OP posts:
FranSanDisco · 30/08/2010 16:50

Some people need to vent and if typing out a string of violent threats makes them feel better that's fine by me. Obviously wouldn't expect them to actually go ahead and do it. I get your point about if a man were to say the same if wouldn't be accepted but I can't get worked up over a title, sorry.

hairytriangle · 30/08/2010 16:53

YANBU. it makes me cringe, it absolutely wouldn't be accepted the other way round, and so shouldn't be this way round.

HoopyFroodDude · 30/08/2010 16:55

YABU and a bit OTT

belgo · 30/08/2010 16:56

YANBU. They are disgusting. And if they were the other way round, there would be an uproar. Of course the words we choose matter.

Swearing itself doesn't bother me, it is sometimes used to good effect but mostly just used because the poster cannot think of how to express themselves in any other way.

But expressions of violence are just wrong.

2shoes · 30/08/2010 17:05

YABU
AND A BIT SOFT IMO

Original poster
Tanga · 30/08/2010 17:08

I'm not concerned about the swearing and perhaps I am being a bit soft - but genuinely, 2shoes, if there was a male poster who typed a string of threats about his partner/wife, you'd think that was OK? Or a parent about a child? Would I be 'soft' if I was objecting to a thread entitled 'I just wanted to smack my kid's head off the concrete today...'

OP posts:
EccentricaGallumbits · 30/08/2010 17:10

YABU - it's the same as differeniating between cartoon fights and the real thing.

belgo · 30/08/2010 17:14

except it's talking about real people, not cartoon people.

I don't really care if I get called 'soft' on here. It's wrong in my opinion.

BeenBeta · 30/08/2010 17:14

YANBU. It is not right.

Tanga - good point. In all the years I have been reading MN I have never seen a male poster make a post like that. I know what reaction it would get.

MrsMadWriggle · 30/08/2010 17:15

YANBU - and it makes for dull posting IMO

blowninonabreeze · 30/08/2010 17:16

It dos make me view the OP in a different and possibly less sympathetic was if I'm honest.

And fully agree that if the roles were reversed it'd be recieved with outrage

VinegarTits · 30/08/2010 17:17

i think you are some what lacking in humor and need to stop taking thread titles like this so seriously

2shoes · 30/08/2010 17:18

so why post in AIBU if you don't want anyone to disagree?

belgo · 30/08/2010 17:20

What is so humourous about wanting to punch/smash or whatever someone's face in?

Original poster
Tanga · 30/08/2010 17:25

No problem with you disagreeing, 2shoes, and you don't have to explain your opinion, of course - I was actually interested in where you thought the lines were, if any.

And to be clear, I'm not saying for one minute that I think any MNer who has posted a similar title is remotely abusive - as I said in the first post, it's a figure of speech - I just thought a little debate about whether threats of violence are acceptable or in what form would be interesting.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/08/2010 17:35

The difference between men and women posting it is a red herring. The fact is that we can assume it's a figure of speech coming from a woman in a way that is not necessarily the case the other way round. I usually find titles like that off-putting though, as the op is generally just havng a bit of a whinge about something inconsequential. Unlike me when I've posted about wanting to rip the head off the inventor of the We Buy Any Car jingle and shit down the hole, because that was entirely reasonable.

FranSanDisco · 30/08/2010 17:42

BitofFun, me too! Whoever invented that jingle wants to be hurt imho. Hot needles inserted into both eyeballs is too good for the twat.

Original poster
Tanga · 30/08/2010 17:59

Whilst I am, of course, assuming that both of those were figures of speech...erm...just why is it that we can assume it's a figure of speech if it comes from a woman? Woman are also violent (to men or other women or even to children).

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 18:03

YANBU to cringe
YABU if you think others should change their posting 'style' to suit you

PosieParker · 30/08/2010 18:04

OP get a grip, noone means it. Life is full of double standards, mostly for good reason.

cleverlyconcealed · 30/08/2010 18:07

I cringe a bit too and TBH it puts me off clicking on the thread as opposed to grabbing my attention and making me keen to contribute. But each to their own.

rainbowinthesky · 30/08/2010 18:10

Yanbu. I find it very hard too to sympathise with the op. Swearing I dont mind but saying they want to punch their dp in the face is not on as a thread title. I dont expect though me thinkign this will stop anyone posting liek that though.

BitOfFun · 30/08/2010 18:21

Yeah yeah, and white people experience racism etc etc. You don't tend to get two blokes dead a week from dv though.

Claw3 · 30/08/2010 18:21

Doesnt bother me, some are even funny. I have never seen a thread, where it was actual meant, the thread usually then goes on to be a light hearted jokey type thread.

2shoes · 30/08/2010 18:44

ok got a bit more time now.
tbh I think people just post in anger, something has just really wound them up and they just go........RANT, I think 9 times out of 10 they wouldn't dream of actually doing the violent deed.