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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch my husband in the face for being such a effing twat/asshole/selfish bastard!!

73 replies

lilysmummy2007 · 30/08/2010 13:55

We've done nothing all weekend,I cant remember the last time we did something other than stay home and watch crappy movies. I want to go to the FREE Carnival at Notting hill, and he is being a twat bag about it, he doesnt want to go because he has to work, at 11pm tonight!! Its 2 pm FFS!! We could be back before 7pm as we live one bus ride away and I want DD to see the floats and cultural experiences ( I am from Trinidad, where the Carnival originates from). I feel a really big fight coming on and I really dont want to start my week off with the hassle!! Its not just this, he is such a stupid git when it comes to going places and is so antisocial when we do go out, I dont even bother asking anymore! This is just pissing me of as DD is bored indoors and i would feel much safer if he went with us. I am going either way but its just really annoying that we cant do things as a family because he is being a dickhead!!

OP posts:
Heracles · 30/08/2010 13:57

He doesn't want to go; go without him. What good will a fight do? What will that achieve?

miniwedge · 30/08/2010 13:57

Can I recommend anger management counselling? You seem a little um... volatile??

mustrun · 30/08/2010 13:58

So just take your dd, and let him get a sleep before work Hmm
Dont underestimate the physical drain of working nights.

mumblechum · 30/08/2010 13:58

Go without him. I'm sure it'll be perfectly safe.

Mutt · 30/08/2010 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greythorne · 30/08/2010 13:59

I feel your pain. My DH sees the weekend as a time to relax (read: stay in front of the telly watching sport) whereas I am a SAHM who sees weekends as a way to DO things as a family. I am so sick of doing things alone during the week with the DC, I would just love to have DH join us at softplay / park / carnival / pool / county fair. whatever.

YANBU

winnybella · 30/08/2010 14:00

Why would you feel safer with him?

turtled · 30/08/2010 14:02

I think you need to calm down. Understandable that he wants a sleep before a night shift.

Erm..go by yourself. Think you have enough anger in you to be safe.

mustrun · 30/08/2010 14:03

Think what'd he'd be posting...

"AIBU to want to get a bit of time to sleep and relax before work, and not be co-erced into a stressful day in crowds trying to look after dd while dw ignores my discomfort?

WhatsWrongWithYou · 30/08/2010 14:03

It's the Notting Hill carnival is why.

mustrun · 30/08/2010 14:04

And, why would you want to take your dd to a place you'd only feel safe with your dh there? Hmm I either feel safe or not. If I take my kids out, I have to feel ok about th place I'm going. I would never expect dh to 'protect' us! Things happen, regardless of who you're with.

mayorquimby · 30/08/2010 14:05

Yeah he sounds like the dickhead here Hmm

"Think what'd he'd be posting...

"AIBU to want to get a bit of time to sleep and relax before work, and not be co-erced into a stressful day in crowds trying to look after dd while dw ignores my discomfort?"

Or if he'd opened with, I want to punch my wife in the face for not doing what I want to do and for being such a nagging bitch.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2010 14:07

I'm pretty antisocial as well, but I do make an effort to get out to things when get the opportunity, he sounds like he just wants to switch off without loads of stimulation.

You can't really force someone to want to go out and do stuff, unless you're happy to make him unhappy?

I don't think it'd be worth a fight because that wouldn't get him to acknowledge that he needs to make more of an effort to do things with his family longterm.

I agree you should go on your own, and perhaps have a talk calmly to him about how you feel next time he's off work...if you can without wanting to punch his lights out Smile

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2010 14:08

'And, why would you want to take your dd to a place you'd only feel safe with your dh there?'

I thought that as well, but then there are some places I would feel safer going if I had DH with me and wasn't just a lone woman with two DC, but then I recon I read too many books about murder Grin

quiddity · 30/08/2010 14:09

YANBU. So presumably he's already had two whole days of doing nothing, and it's not as if Notting Hill Carnival happens every weekend.

Does he interact with you and dd at home, or do things around the house? Could he be persuaded to agree to go out one day every weekend?

Your feelings are perfectly understandable if he's normally like this and won't make the effort for a few hours and one bus ride on one occasion that's special to you.

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 30/08/2010 14:11

Oh, forgot to mention he just woke up, he always goes to bed early when he is at home and that I also work every day from 9-3, and still come home and cook, claen, look after DD and he does nothing during the week. He helps out at the weekend. Is it too much to ask that he want to spend some time with us other than sat in front the TV? I do loads of stuff with dd when i am at home and on weekends, but dont want to go alone in the crowds of the carnival.

OP posts:
violethill · 30/08/2010 14:12

You sound like a right charmer! Perhaps he wants an afternoon off from the nagging!

Tbh, doing a night shift is tough, and if he wants to relax or nap rather than being in a noisy throng all afternoon then let him. No doubt you'll be relaxing with a nice glass of wine tonight and then going to bed when he's starting a nights hard graft. You have different routines and needs today, so stop being so controlling and just go by yourself. The idea you can't take one child out by yourself is a bit wet tbh.

deakell · 30/08/2010 14:13

You sound lovely Shock

ninah · 30/08/2010 14:17

go on your own

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 30/08/2010 14:17

Quiddity thats exactly my point, its a once a year thing, since ive been with him I have only been once because he never wats to go! That means is ok for me and dd to be unhappy, I must be miserable and bored. He has slept all weekend and hasnt done anything with us a a family. Even if he doesnt go, he wont be sleeping, he will be sat in front the TV!!

OP posts:
Mutt · 30/08/2010 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mustrun · 30/08/2010 14:17

Hang on, what did he say when you first mentioned this a few weeks ago? If you told him you'd like to go as a family, and asked him to please not forget that such a big event was on, and he agrredd, then yes he's git for changing his mind at the 11th hour!

mustrun · 30/08/2010 14:19

Ah ok. So he's only been with you once ever. Do you not think that just maybe possibly, it might mean he doesnt like it?!

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 30/08/2010 14:19

And havent been nagging,I asked, he said no, I said fine, got me and DD dressed and came on here to have a rant!

OP posts:
mustrun · 30/08/2010 14:20

What did you do before you met him? Why are you relying on him to take you?! Did you not go alone before because it was so dangerous, or did you just go because you wanted to? Do you not have any friends now you have a dh?

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