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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really shocked at the way SS has behaved?

55 replies

phoenixflower · 29/08/2010 19:44

I am worried about the situation being recognised but would really appreciate some advice on what ( if anything) I can do as feel totally stuck.

Will try and keep it as brief as pos so it is less recognisable.

Friend's dd talked to her teacher about things at home, school reported on to SS and friend had a visit from SS. They had 2 young crap girls visit who looked round the house, interviewed her dd on her own, talked to my friend etc and after all their pointless questioning etc, they have concluded that her DD is clearly in a loving home and is not in danger etc.

It's absolute bollocks as I know she has hit her DD on numerous occasions as she had told me herself how angry she gets with her etc.

It is not a loving home most of the time as she cannot stand her DD most of the time and I can't believe she has been able to pull the wool over their eyes and make things appear hunky dory.

What can I do now? I feel totally helpless about the situation as I know what is going on at home but SS have been for a visit and have said all is fine?

I can't just do nothing but feel I have no options? If I report back to SS she will A) know it was me and B) SS won't be interested as they have just witnessed for themselves what a 'loving' home it is. Angry

OP posts:
babybarrister · 29/08/2010 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alouiseg · 29/08/2010 19:47

Could you phone Nspcc and ask them for their advice?

wb · 29/08/2010 19:48

So what do you think social services should have done? If you have concerns then you need to report them. The more people who do so, the more seriously they will take it.

nameymcnamechange · 29/08/2010 19:50

I second Alouiseg's suggestion.

Meanwhile, you need to stop thinking of this person as your friend (do you really see her as a friend? do you like and admire her and want to be in her company?) and think of yourself as the champion of her dd.

Original poster
phoenixflower · 29/08/2010 19:50

babybarrister - she's 11. My friend hasn't told me what her DD said to SS when they came ( not sure if friend actually knows etc) but whatever she said has made SS think all is well.

Didn't think of calling the NSPCC Alouiseg, will have a look on their site.

OP posts:
usernamechanged345 · 29/08/2010 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DetectivePotato · 29/08/2010 19:51

Similar situation to me when I was young, not at school though. SS investigated. I wa actually put on the at risk register, even though it should have been more than 'at risk'. I told SS about a couple of things and they were told by my 'mother' and her friend that I had a vivid imagination. This was accepted by SS, I was 2-3.

Personally my wanting to protect the child would take priority over anything else and I would be tempted to contact them and say that they haven't got it right.

The DD may mention more to her teacher again and the school may report it again.

Horrible situation though. Sad

Original poster
phoenixflower · 29/08/2010 19:54

WB - I would have liked them to have told friend off for her bvr and put her DD on the CP register. Afaik none of this took place :(

nameymcnamechange - We worked together years ago and her DD is friends with mine so we see eachother through our DDs. I see her quite often as her DD is often round my house but I would not consider her to be in my social circle of friends.

OP posts:
AllSheepareWhite · 29/08/2010 19:54

SS won't disclose that it was you who made referral and her mum will not be allowed access to the file so how would she know it was you that reported to them.

Original poster
phoenixflower · 29/08/2010 19:57

AllSheepareWhite - I don't know who else knows how she behaves around her DD. If she has only told me, she would know it was me. I don't want it to stop our DDs playing together as I feel that when she is at mine and playing etc, I can keep an eye on her. The more time is she not alone with her mum the safer i feel she is.

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 29/08/2010 19:57

If you have any concerns about the safety of the child you have a moral duty to report it.

Original poster
phoenixflower · 29/08/2010 19:59

If i report it sorrento56, will they not just discount it as they have just been to visit them last week?

OP posts:
Original poster
phoenixflower · 29/08/2010 20:00

Will they take it seriously? Could I do it over the phone or would I have to go somewhere?

OP posts:
nameymcnamechange · 29/08/2010 20:01

I don't understand the hand-wringing about this.

If you are really concerned for the dd then please follow it up.

DetectivePotato · 29/08/2010 20:05

You can say to SS that your DD told you some stuff that this other girl told her and you were concerned.

larks35 · 29/08/2010 20:06

You need to contact SS with your concerns. As others have said, the more reports made from different sources, the more seriously they will take the case.

I think YABU to judge the two case-workers who visited as "crap". You have no idea what report they made from their visit. What did you expect them to do? Go in, all guns blazing, take the DD into care etc. etc.

You have much more insight into the girl's home life than they do, report what you know. Don't you think that you would be a bit "crap" not to do so?

mamatomany · 29/08/2010 20:06

Exactly the same happened to me aged 9, in front my parents I was asked is everything alright ? And when i said yes the social worker, again in front of me said it sounds like you have an interring grandmother, my legs and back were covered in marks from a belt had anyone bothered to look.
Please call somebody, the more people that express concern the harder it is to pull the wool over SS's eyes.

sorrento56 · 29/08/2010 20:07

You have to report it and if this child is in danger keep on until someone does something about it.

mamatomany · 29/08/2010 20:08

*interfering

nancydrewrocked · 29/08/2010 20:29

I don't understand why if you know this girl is being treated badly you haven't done anything.

fryalot · 29/08/2010 20:35

Completely agree with the posters who say that if you have concerns then you should report it.

How do you know that SS gave her a clean bill of health and that's the end of it? If this has come straight from your "friend" then it may be worth taking with a pinch of salt as it could be that she is lying

nameymcnamechange · 29/08/2010 20:40

Social Services have only had one visit to the house. Its not really shocking that they do not have the full picture.

Can you speak to the dd alone? How do you know that the girl talked to her teacher? How do you know all about this - was it your friend, the dd, or your dd who told you?

Stop worrying about what this person thinks of you (how can you be friends with her?) and try and find out more.

cadbilly · 29/08/2010 20:52

do more, ss will only report when she is completely
broken. what they said to me and what they said in court, was so different i record every thing they say.
she is so far down their list of priorities. her mum would have sit astride her knocking six bells out of her before they go up against a mother

loopyloops · 29/08/2010 20:55

If you are genuinely concerned then you must do something about this.

BarmyArmy · 29/08/2010 21:35

YABU.

You are interfering in something that is none of your business.

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