To be really shocked at the way SS has behaved?

[phoenixflower]

I am worried about the situation being recognised but would really appreciate some advice on what ( if anything) I can do as feel totally stuck.

Will try and keep it as brief as pos so it is less recognisable.

Friend's dd talked to her teacher about things at home, school reported on to SS and friend had a visit from SS. They had 2 young crap girls visit who looked round the house, interviewed her dd on her own, talked to my friend etc and after all their pointless questioning etc, they have concluded that her DD is clearly in a loving home and is not in danger etc.

It's absolute bollocks as I know she has hit her DD on numerous occasions as she had told me herself how angry she gets with her etc.

It is not a loving home most of the time as she cannot stand her DD most of the time and I can't believe she has been able to pull the wool over their eyes and make things appear hunky dory.

What can I do now? I feel totally helpless about the situation as I know what is going on at home but SS have been for a visit and have said all is fine?

I can't just do nothing but feel I have no options? If I report back to SS she will A) know it was me and B) SS won't be interested as they have just witnessed for themselves what a 'loving' home it is.

Maybe you should offer her some support with how to deal with her anger before condeming her to the SS.
Were you this worried before the school called the SS?

report it.
totally sympathise with this girl, my DH was brought up in a horribly abusive home and there were so many occasions when something could have been discovered but it wasn't. all the broken bones etc.

makes me sick to think of how much earlier he could've escaped if somebody had followed it up :(

I wonder what this girl said to the interviewers, if she was in the house she must've been scared to tell the truth.

please report.

You have a duty to report what you know. OK, she may stop her dd playing with your dd - but since that contact is not adequately protecting her at the moment.

The social workers may have been crap - but they can only go on the evidence they have. If you are withholding that evidence, you can't really blame them or not intuiting it.

This IS your business. Stopping cruelty to children is everybody's business.

Good luck.

This doesn't really make sense. Are you saying that ss reported after the visit that there was no concern?

Sounds like bravado to me as ss wouldn't report their findings after one visit. They would need to speak to teachers, and possibly re visit.

if you know what is happening and you haven't personally spoken to SS then you have a duty to do so.

ilovemydogandMrObama - that's what my friend told me. She said they apologised for having to visit at home but they have to investigate all claims made. This is only what my friend has told me btw, I have no contact with SS personally.

I am going to report anonomously on tues. Will they want to speak to my DD or can I just tell them what my DD has told me? And if I tell them I know she hits her DD as she has told me she does, will they go to her and say " We have had a report from X who has said that you hit your DD" or will they just note it down?

you need to call ss and make a report, outlining that you are anxious things have been missed.

sw are human beings and get suckered just like everyone else. a second report from a third party will precipitate more investigation.

you can call nspcc for a nice chat but thats really going around the houses since they will just either tell you to report or report for you - which is frankly wasting their time.

you can report and not leave a name.

fwiw when i was going through shit as a child, lots of adults asked me, alone if everything was alright - funnily enough i didnt spt it all out in the first 5 mins!

aside from that why have you waited unitl ss have been and gone to worry about abuse - why didnt you do womthing before??

Altinkum why are you being deliberately obstructive when the op is concerned about a Childs welfare???

actually am inclined to agree with altinkum - that is quite accurate and if it is smacking and doesnt leave a mark then in the eyes of the law this mother is innocent.

meanwhile though its still report to report than not just in case

What's happened that you know about? She's going to push boundaries at this age, maybe her mum is struggling a bit with discipline?

Where's the dad in all this?

Alouiseg, their is a HUGE difference between a smack and a hit, its a perfectly valid question to be asked.

No not at age 11, it's not acceptable on any level at that age.
You can't say she's being smacked to teach her a lesson she's too old for that. So she's been hit in anger to control her, it's assault.

Firstly Altinkum is not being obstructive - and she is right hitting and smacking are classed as different things in the eyes of the law.

SW have to distinguish between what is actually happening and the way it is described.

A child is not usually put on the at risk register after a first visit (unless obviously in immediate danger) IME and sw will work with a parent/child first to see whats happening.

I would also consider that you cannot possibly know what this dd is like when alone with her mum and it may be she is a hormonal teen pushing the buttons and mum is getting cross with her - which you say she admits. (I don't condone 'hitting' btw)

I didn't have (still don't) the best relationship with my DM and would have descibed my home life as unhappy a lot of the time, and not particulary 'loving' and my parents smacked me - despite this i was never 'at risk'.

I cannot differentiate between "smack" and "hit" if you did either to an adult it would be an assault, therefore a child should have the same legal protection.

SS are very likely to give the impression "nothing going on here" in 1st instance; the last thing they will weish to do is precipitate a reaction from DM.

Therefore I would draw no infererence whatever from 2nd hand accts of what they say.

What level of violence/aggression do you think is going on ?

If you belived the child is in danger is there a reason you didn't inform SS before? Before the teacher became involved? just because you thought your friend would know it was you?

The child may have felt comfortable enough to be honest with a trusted teacher but scared by the strangers in her house, the proximity to her mother in next room and what she would say if she was honest, or even afraid she would be rmeoved from home... the scariest thing to a child is the unknown.. even if the known is pretty horrible (or maybe because the unknown is so horrible)

You owe it to this child to be honest, don't do this annomously, your friend won't find out anyway.

Speak from personal experience btw.

Speak from personal experience(as the child) not the person reporting

so she is your friend and yet you feel she is abusing her child?

you feel that she is abusing her child and yet you haven't reported her and have inatead now decided that SS are out of order because they are not telepathic and have not recognised that both your "friend" and her DD are lying to them.

I think you should take a look at yourself before worrying about the effectivness of the SW sent to investigate.

if you have further information then contact SS.

But please stop referring to this woman as a friend.

personal opinions it all very well, however in the eyes of the law, a parent can use physical chastisement. FACT

The law differentiates between a smack which leaves no mark to legs/bum, legal.
An equal smack to the head, face is illegal.
A hit anywhere to the body that leaves a mark is illegal, so no in the eyes of the law a parent cannot use any physical chastisement and it is down to opinion of the police, sw, teacher, child themselves as to what degree it has been physically chastised.
I also believe age is a factor, at 11 this girl is old enough to be reasoned with.