to be bewildered by bidets?

[ttalloo]

I've never had one other than on holiday, and even though I know what they're for , I've never used them (other than for dumping wet swimming costumes in) - I really wouldn't know how...!

You get what you pay for with toilet paper though. The good stuff is fine for running under the tap briefly to clean yourself. I wouldn't use actual wet-wipes though: the toilet-designed ones are notorious for blocking the system, and I also remember a thread on here for someone who had permanent thrush and sore skin which she eventually realised was caused by the wet wipes. IIRC, she was in a lot of pain despite having a bumhole so clean she claimed you could eat your dinner off it.

Funny the stuff from MN that sticks in your head, isn't it?

We were looking at houses on rightmove and at a photo of a bathroom DH goes (A bidet! The twats!" then I went "Hold on, I know that house. That's L's house!". Don't think I should tell her, the house has been on the market for about 2 years and apparently she gets upset if you say anything about it at all.

I haven't read this thread but just wanted to add that in describing his recent holiday (at great length) FiL told me all about how, at the hotel, he liked to keep the bath towel but would always chuck the 'bum towel' on the floor for a replacement.

Ew!

BitofFun.

"A bumhole so clean you could eat your dinner off it!"

I suppose that's the point, I'm really not fussed about a few bugs round my bumhole, after all, it stays tucked away most the time.

Swansea Slapper IMO they should be obligatory after giving birth sheer bliss and for all the bleeding afterwards quick splash and cleared the whole area up....

LOL at you all!
Italians really do think we are mingers for not using them.I think they are great for all kinds of things already mentioned.
From what I've gathered in my experience over here, the Italian manual for bidet use is something like this:

1. put in plug
2. semi-fill with water (temp depends on personal preference)
3. sit on bidet rim, facing outwards.
4. squirt special, really quite expensive soap-for-bits on hand
5. 'wash' bits (yes, with hand)
6. rinse with (yes, slightly soapy) water
7. pull out plug
8. dry bits with special, bum-sized towel.

I also once had a girl tell me she wanted to go home because she'd done a poo at work and couldn't wash herself . Imagine explaining that to your boss.

I think they take it all fairly seriously over here. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who tell you their toilet habits as part of normal conversation.

It is pretty disgusting though...just dry wiping and going....

I HATE not having a sink in the cubicle in work...take moist wipes in my bag with me and I am at all the dry wiping of the rest of the dirty bitches

Some of them stink....and its not wee or poo either....just eau de stale fadge

My boyf has one in his house, which no one uses except me. He stores his toilet paper there. I love it! So practical! Great to freshen up before or after sex. There's no spray in his, just fills up like a mini-bath. I sit facing the taps so that I can run the water and grasp the soap (I'm sure someone will enlighten me if I'm doing it wrong).

I don't know why they're not more popular tbh.

milanomum, I'm in awe of your expertise on bidet use. I should keep your instructions with my passport, so that I can give a bidet a go should there be one when I'm next on holiday and I'm feeling (ahem) experimental.

But it still seems like a remarkably daunting thing to attempt, even if I'd be alone and no one need ever know...!

I have had a bidet all my life, until I came to Britain and I miss them! They are very useful particularly to keep nice and clean down there when you have your periods.

I would kill to have my own bidet.

A jet of cold water right on your chalfonts...you can't beat it

illogical but they just seem gross to me. The sight of one makes me feel funny, but for some reason i thought they were like a mini jaccuzi for you bum.

I prefer the power hose next to the toilet option, easier and quicker and less to clean in the bathroom. Every toilet has them in the country DH is from and in the country we live in. I really miss them when we go back to the UK.

Never really liked the idea of bidets though because of the thought of solid matter in the bidet. Now I have learnt from this thread that you wipe first they make a lot more sense...

Thumbs - where are you from? DH is from Syria and they have them as standard there as well - that is where we bought ours from actually as I wanted one in the house so much!

I'm curious - if I wanted a loo/ shower attachment thingy, what do I ask for? I'm not really up to asking the plumber if he will install an 'arse shower', as they were previously referred to.

I think i like the idea of the 'arse shower' too! for these reasons -

1. no need to move from toilet and get cold bum on bidet rim

2. dont have to buy expensive bidet n find somewhere n someone to install it

3. any stray poo or unspeakables will go down toilet!

4. quicker surely!

However, someone please tell me how you are supposed to use an arse shower? do u stand up or stay sitting, use paper first or what? The mind boggles!

I guess ud also need a special arse towel for after?

Personally I use babywipes, but def not on every occasion!

Riven - I am seeing you in a different light here Lol

You can also use a small plastic bottle of warm water while sitting on the toilet for much the same cleaning effect.

Where does the water for the arse shower come from?have just googled a nice little pic but it doesn't go into detail.

We grew up with a bidet, miss it now.

hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
Have laughed out loud tonight - thanks all! Loving the way that this is being so clearly thought out and am off to google 'arse shower'

"My PILs have one which is a different room to the toilet. Often wondered if they shuffle along the corridor with their pants down to get to it! Seems to defeat the object to me..."

Me too gangj

I've seen this in hotels in Austria and never understood what is was about....