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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for other people's holidays

141 replies

woodstonobserver · 26/08/2010 21:22

I was going on holiday next week to a Spain to a villa that sleeps six with my daughter, a girlfriend and her daughter. Girls only, no blokes allowed!

Holiday was all paid for, but due to family difficulties my girlfriend and her daughter pulled out last week.

Phoned up holiday company and was told that it would cost £30 to change the name on the ticket and that extra tickets were £250. Was told it might be more nearer the time.

Didn't want to be by myself with my daughter on holiday so offered "free" tickets to another girlfriend and her daughter. Her daughter then wanted to bring her boyfriend, age 14, and his mum wanted to come along as well.

So suddenly we had six people, two of whom I have only met a couple of times. Told them the holiday company needed passport details before accepting bookings, and that the extra flights would need to be paid for. The boyfriend needed to get a passport. Finally got all the details and phoned holiday company.

They told me it was now £275 to change a name on a ticket and extra flights were now £500. So suddenly it would cost £550 to change 2 names and £1000 to buy two extra tickets, total £1550.

Told the holiday company to forget it and told my friend we had left it too late. I planned to go by myself with my daughter, bit sad I know, but not worth paying those prices.

Since then been subjected to a torrent of abuse to the effect that I had promised them a holiday and that I now had to provide them with said holiday no matter how much it cost.

My reply to my friend was that whilst I might be able to pay for her and daughter, I most certainly was not going to pay for her daughter's boyfriend and his mum!

Major row taking place tonight! Why should I pay for my friend's daughters's boyfriend and his mum?

Why can't his dad pay?

Am I being unreasonable?

Amy xx

OP posts:
nancydrewrocked · 27/08/2010 08:31

You cannot go with them - the woman called you a cunt. That is totally unacceptable. They are not friends.

Go with your DD, it will be warm there will be a pool and you can relax and enjoy yourselves.

And don't worry about travelling with your DD - it will be a fab adventure and Spain is easy.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 27/08/2010 08:55

Noo don't go with them please.

I remember my mum taking me on holiday by herself when I was 13 and my dad was stuck overseas unexepextedly (work). We had a great time & I remember it better than most holidays.

Original poster
woodstonobserver · 27/08/2010 09:08

To clarify, I'm assuming I'm going just with my DD!

I know second mother has not got the money and her daughter is refusing to travel without her boyfriend and his mum is refusing to let him travel without her!

So it doesn't look likely that they will come!

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 27/08/2010 09:10

The 14 year old won't go without her boyfriend!!

wukter · 27/08/2010 09:11

Don't assume, woodston, tell them you are going with your daughter.
You are perfectly justified you know, not overreacting at all to tell them the offers off because of their attitudes.

wukter · 27/08/2010 09:12

I know, savoy, I can't believe the power these teens have.
I know I said it above, but In my day grumble grumble.

onadietcokebreak · 27/08/2010 09:21

FFS...get a backbone and tell them you would rather lose the money you paid for the daughter to go then risk the whole holida being ruined by this fuckwits.

stressheaderic · 27/08/2010 09:25

You really will have a great time. It is true that children are adored in Spain, and if it's just you and her, I'd say even moreso.

My friend is booked to go to her mum's villa in Spain next month with another friend. The friend has had to pull out, so I am going instead. I have paid the cost of changing the flights myself (wouldn't have thought twice) and I am travelling alone with my 6 month old DD. I'm really scared of flying but have had a little word with myself, and I'm doing it for DD...quite looking forward to it now.

starkadder · 27/08/2010 09:28

Just wanted to add - I have been to Mallorca a few times with a young child and you'll have a lovely time, lots of people will talk to you and you won't be lonely at all, I am sure. English is very widely spoken. Have fun :)

domeafavour · 27/08/2010 09:50

please go

Summerbird73 · 27/08/2010 10:43

she called you a CUFO????? Shock

hideous appalling woman - i am sorry for her loss etc etc but that is absolutely uncalled for!

and as for the 14 year old not travelling without her boyfriend... wukter and I obv share the same 'day' coz my mother would have knocked some sense into me!

please go with DD on your own - it will be wonderful

madeindevon2 · 27/08/2010 11:24

i love mallorca. its very child friendly. you will havea lovely time with you daughter.
sry you had this horrible situation! just enjoy the sunshine with your daughter.

laurely · 27/08/2010 11:36

This woman is not a friend. The way they have spoken to and treated you is appalling.

Go with your DD and have a great time.

RonansMummy · 27/08/2010 11:57

She's just really upset because her husband has died, she was offered a holiday and then the siutation changed, which is noones fault, but rather than accepting it she got angry. Her emotions must be all over the place. The situation has got really out of hand and there is no way that you can go with her, when the dust has settled she will probably realise how unreasonable she has been.

DO NOT TAKE HER! IT WILL RUIN YOUR HOLIDAY!!!

alicet · 27/08/2010 12:40

The more I read this thread the more i am absolutely gob smacked at this womans behaviour.

She has a tiny excuse with the recent loss of her partner but I simply don't think its acceptable for her to talk to you in the way she has done regardless of her circumstances. Neither is it reasonable of her to expect to be able to still come and for YOU TO HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.

I have heard it all now.

OP I am with everyone else here that you shouldn't be presuming that they won't come. Just tell them that while you are very sorry for her recent bereavement and her disappointment that you will not be treated like she has treated you. Hopefully she will reflect on her behaviour while you are away and you will be greeted on your return with an apology. Then you can put it all behind you (putting her beahviour down to her loss) and as long as she NEVER treats you like this again move on.

Imagine the reverse thread:

'One of my friends had a holiday booked and her friends pulled out so she offered the tickets to me and dd. Understandably dd (14) wants to bring her boyfriend and his mum wants to go too. My friend said she would pay for the ticket changes and told me the price for flights that the other 2 would pay but then a week later suddenly she couldn't afford the ticket changes as they had gone up to £275 a ticket and the flights were too expensive for my dds boyfriend and mum to afford. We have had a terrible time recently in that my partner died, and this holiday was a light at the end of a dark tunnel. I am devastated that my friend has moved the goal posts and think that she should pay as she promised. When she refused I let rip and shouted at her. She says this is not her fault and although she has paid for my dds ticket change says she cannot afford anymore. AIBU?'

Do you HONESTLY think anyone would say she wasn't unreasonable? The answers might be polite in view of her bereavement but NOONE would say she wasn't unreasonable.

The only way you can possible retrieve this friendship (imho) is to stand up to her and tell her that the way she has treated you is not acceptable and to then give her time to reflect. If you let her treat you like this and STILL come on holiday then you are condoning her behaviour.

Have a lovely time WITHOUT her and her dd (another one here shocked that 14 year olds get to call the shots! even at 16 I would have been told my boyfriend wasn't coming and to like it or lump it. And I would never have asked.)

alicet · 27/08/2010 12:40

Sorry for mammoth post!

porcamiseria · 27/08/2010 12:42

tell them to fuck off and die, users

please, just ignore calls and delete emails, and defriend from FB

some people

swanandduck · 27/08/2010 12:52

I am stunned by this thread. She sounds like an ignorant sponger who thinks the world owes her a favour. What a cheeky cow.

Also, her daughter wants to bring her fourteen year old boyfriend on holiday and she's just told that's okay?? I would have told her to get real.

AuntieMaggie · 27/08/2010 12:53

Do not give any details of the holiday to these people and don't let them come with you!

14 year old refuses to go without bf? She'd do what she was told if she was my daughter!

2rebecca · 27/08/2010 13:02

They sound an awful bunch. Perhaps at the beginning of inviting them to come you should have clarified that they would be paying for any changes to the booking. I wouldn't want to go on holiday with a teenager's boyfriend I'd never met and his mum and would have said no when that was suggested, and been disappointed that the "friend" didn't tell her daughter it was unreasonable when daughter suggested it.
You're well rid of all of them.

Hope you and your daughter enjoy yourselves.

ohgrowupwoman · 27/08/2010 13:15

Hey Wood - I've just gone to Spain alone with two little kids to stay with family who made it quite clear they didn't approve of my divorce and that it must have been my fault (X's womanising, boozing and gambling can't have been a factor Hmm). It was mostly hell, I paid for my own flights, plenty of the groceries while we were there and presents for everyone. It cost a fortune in comparison to my income. When the kids and I were on our own at the beach we had a lovely time but otherwise we were made to feel like pariahs. It was awful, I felt so trapped as couldn't afford to pay out for a hotel or to come home early. Please, please don't waste your holiday. You will have a lovely time, just you and DD. Will there by Sky or a DVD player so you have some movies to watch. Good luck, be brave, you can do it Smile

ben5 · 27/08/2010 13:17

the dd who will not go without here boyfriend. does she not understand girls only holiday? if i was offered a holiday with my mum at that age i would go( and still would!). and for you to pay for boyfriend and her mother they are taking the piss. good luck today at the travel agent

ninedragons · 27/08/2010 13:43

These people sound more like they need a restraining order than a free holiday.

Can you honestly imagine yourself relaxing over a bottle of rioja in the evenings with someone who called you a cunt?

You are INSANE if you take them. Honestly, it would be the sort of mistake you will look back on in 20 years and wince at how much of a doormat you were.

IvaNighSpare · 27/08/2010 15:30

can I just clarify....these awful people were offered flights to Spain and a stay in a villa for just £30 each? Did anyone offer to supplement the villa rent as a gesture of good will? In my mind, £275 each is still a bloody bargain for a flight and a villa stay.
These people are hideous freeloaders and this attitude will probably permeate through the whole holiday! If they can't afford the extra money, how do they expect to pay for food etc?
Ditch them now!

BlueFergie · 27/08/2010 19:27

OK I am going to stick up for your friend a (very) little bit here. When you offered her the tickets originally did you clarify that there was a change of name fee that could go up or did you simply offer her the holiday in consideration of the tough time she has had with her partner dying? If it was the latter I can imagine she might be a disappointed if you suddenly turned around and said she couldn't come anymore. However if she did know about the fee and that it could go up then I think she IBU to not at least offer to pay some or all the fee and just expect you to pick it up for her regardless of how much it will cost you.
The above aside she is being completely unreasonable on everything else.
Inviting people you hardly know to come with you - Unreasonable
Expecting you to pay their tickets (wtf?? - how did she get this idea??) - outrageous
Speaking to you the way she has - horrible - I wouldn't use this language with my worst enemy never mind a friend.
Overall I think your friend (I use the term lightly) is being very unreasonable, but I'd say some of it is out of disappointment and grief. Nevertheless I don't think you should accept it, yuo can't afford to pay the change of name fees, thats all there is to it.