To be a little annoyed by some of the sleep threads?

[Muffinhuffin]

...and I don't mean the ones from nickytwotimes and others like her.

I am prepared for a flaming

I mean the ones like

My baby is 6/7/8 weeks old and wakes up every two hours for a night feed

My baby is 6/7/8 weeks old and won't go to sleep unless I am cuddling him/her

I am doing controlled crying for my 6/7/8 etc week old baby but its not working

Is 6/7/8 weeks etc too early to put my baby in his / her own room

And so on.

I have three dc's and none of them slept through the night nor did I expect them too. My youngest is 5mo and wakes three or four times sometimes for a feed and a cuddle. I often read these threads and feel sad for the babies who parents are clearly expecting then to sleep through from a ridiculously early age and then come on mn wanting quick fix solutions when their baby won't sleep through.

I am not knocking people who want advice it's just that some of the threads seem a little, well, selfish, especially if the baby is only few weeks old.

Bring on the flaming arrows

I think a lot of people are generally very unprepared/a little unrealistic about how often newborns feed.

But I've had 3 pretty dreadful sleepers and so had them in bedside cot for as long as possible so I didn't have to get up in the night [lazy]

YABU but only because first time parents are set up to 'fail' when you get books by shit idiots who tell them 'do it like this and everything will work fine'. If the baby is a miracle one that seems to have read the same book, then the parents thank the author; if the baby is normal and doesn't sleep right through the night from day 5, the parents get in distress and blame themselves .

I've had four children. All of them have been fed to sleep; <a class="break-all" href="http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ecewww.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">slept in our bed for years; and never intentionally been left to cry. Amazingly, they've all turned out to be confident, happy children, who, for those who are old enough, can get themselves to sleep and sleep all night long in their own beds.

I loved cuddling them while they slept and made the most of it - my 7yo is way too big to do that too now .

It's a shame we're told to make our children grow up too soon and then we have to deal with the fall out when they don't.

I think that sometimes the problem is that people feel like the early days will go on forever...I remember that...although looking back on it it is such a short period of time. Agree 8 weeks is too young for sleep training though.

Well, you have 3 children - you've kind of answered your own question. Remember what it was like when you had your first? When sleep deprivation hits you like a train, when you are constantly comparing your baby to everyone else's, and when everyone, everyone asks about sleep as if it's some test your baby has to pass. YABU, I think - it's a pretty universal rite of passage.

Agree with op.

well yes, some peoples expectations are impossible, but you don't know what experience they have had.
I am the eldest of 4, did share with all 3 of them aged 6 months to 8 yrs and had no illusions about night time waking, but it was still hard to adjust.
I think a lot of it is desperation to know when the baby will sleep through and night time reverts back to pre parenthood times( never lol )
or the fact that they get given certain baby books and are delusioned about routines etc.

I may just add though that my son slept through at 10 weeks :) and has been a good sleeper since, now he tells me when its bedtime, and its never past 8 o'clock!

I agree with you op.

Yabu because people may have had no experience of newborns and are completely unprepared and/or have unrealistic expectations maybe because they read the wrong book.

They are generally a bit desperate, a bit scared and in need of reassurance that what is happening is normal. Thankfully they usually get that support when they come on here.

I hate those threads too, but for slightly different reasons.
I have an 8wk old (PFB)and I let her rule my world; feed her when she wants, let her sleep when she wants, cuddle her when she wants.
So I see those threads and think 'oh, am I meant to be bothered by things like that?' then I start stressing over not stressing IYSWIM

I think the OP means that she's annoyed that the sleep threads are necessary ie. that so many parents go into parenting with such unreaslistic expectations that life becomes so difficult afterwards and you're desperate for help. Often life gets easier once you can accept that this is normal and you just get on with finding ways to cope, rather than ways to change it.

i'd almost agree with you now.... but 18 months ago (when DS was born) i was clueless

and i had no confidence

and "all the other babies in the world" seemed to be sleeping through

and i'd heard a rumour that babies only needed to feed every 4 hours

so there i was with my DS, who would only sleep on top of me for a few weeks, woke every 45 minutes at one stage, and fed every 2 hours during the day (at least!)

....and i was convinced i must be doing something 'wrong'

this is a parenting forum. people come here for advice about parenting. there is a 'sleep' topic. therefore people will ask questions about how their babies sleep!

so YABU

with DC2 (due any time now), i know to just go with it, do what works, forget rods and backs, expect to be sleep deprived for months (14 months in the case of DS), and i now know that 'sleep training' isn't my thing

i didn't know that then...

My first dc had very bad reflux, barely slept and I felt like shit for months, however, I knew that this would pass. I think I am just surprised by the number of people who are trying cc, putting babies in their own rooms and expecting them to sleep through. Its like people don't have any patience or understanding that actually babies need to be close to their mother/carer at all times to ensure their wellbeing and promote bonding.

Those first few weeks are miserable though. I knew babies didn't sleep, but the reality of the chaos of it all meant I wasn't eating, washing or sleeping properly. No amount of newborn cuddles helped and DS was a grumpy thing so he didn't help.

I can't cope without routine and didn't realise how much a baby would disrupt it all.

YANBU, even with my first I knew that newborns didn't sleep... tiredness with a new baby is a given surely?

Well, I posted when my baby just cried non stop all night and asked for help, and got some fantastic help from people who were clearly more patient with a scared, insecure first timer than the OP. I know that people should just roll with the punches and take whatever baby they get, whether a good sleeper or not, but when it is your first, when you are sitting in the dark alone, and when you are sleep deprived, a little miserable and weepy, it seems overwhelming. I am happy for those of you who feel confident to cope with whatever is thrown at you, but not everyone is. When my baby just screamed and screamed, i had a husband who was screaming at me to deal with it, and I was on my own in the farthest room away from the bedroom with the baby thinking I was a complete and utter failure as a mother and as a wife. So yes, you bet your bottom dollar I posted. And you know what, people responded, told me it was normal, advised me on swaddling and shsshing and other techniques, and it DID quieten my baby, but more importantly than that, made me feel as if i was not alone, that there were people out there, awake RIGHT THEN who actually gave a damn about me.

If you wish to begrudge someone that, because you have been there and done that, and know better, then fine, but holy fuck, it helped me.

Yeah, but you can know about it in theory, but still not cope when it actually hits.

It's also very hard when you are a first time mum and people say 'Oh is she a good sleeper?'. How the fuck are you supposed to answer that?

"Oh yes, if you mean does she wake up 3 times a night for a feed, making me so tired I want to drive off the top of a cliff, then yes, she is sleeping like a baby should"

I don't agree with sleep training for newborns, that said sleep deprivation is like torture so I don't blame parents for getting desperate. Sometime a small tweak in routine or technique is all you need to crack a bit of extra sleep.

And Muffin, I just read your post at 21.18, and if that is what you meant in yr original post then i think what you say is fair enough.

That's a different matter though Habbibu. I've whinged with the best of them about how tired I am, but not for one minute did I ever expect it to be any other way. Maybe because I'm the last of my group of friends to have children, and I've seen their bags and shadows under their eyes, and had those distracted half conversations with someone who's only had 3 hours sleep.

I think parenting has become massively over analysed especially for first time parents. I agree that when my first dc was born, I read every book going, bought loads of shit I never used and generally felt inadequate most of the time.

However, I quickly learnt that actually if I just went with the flow, accepted that sleepless nights were a temporary par for the course then life became a lot less stressful.

All the books got chucked.

and i agree on chucking the books. If there is anything guaranteed to make you feel like an utter failure it is a book that tells you that it will all work out fine if you follow their patented advice.

TBH I find the threads that say something like "DD is 9 weeks old and has been sleeping through for the past 4weeks but she woke up twice last night and I am so tired". I honestly feel I could explode with fury as DS1 didn't sleep through the night, at all, until he was 3.5yrs. It nearly broke me.

YANBU but I think many of these Mum's are new Mum's and it's so hard with your first because you have all this conflicting advice. I can recall watching a documentary whilst I was pregnant with DD1 - 'Bringing up Baby' I think it was called where they argued the case for three different parenting styles. At the time I thought I should probably 'choose' one of these methods Had a very stressful time. When I had DD2 all that nonsense went out the window and I just followed my instincts which meant DD2 didn't leave my side day or night for 6 months. No problems whatsoever :) That would be my advice to any Mum-to-be.

fizzywinelover I'm not talking about people who are at the end of their rope and need advice. I am just saying that I feel some new parents expectations are too high for the early days. I am not begrudging anyone advice. I think that was unfair of you to say that.

yabu, with your first it can feel like now this is your life forever. Also, some babies do sleep through early, obviously they shouldn't be forced to though. I will be pretty upset if I am still getting up with DC2 every 2 hours at 2 months or I am still getting up numerous times in the night at 5 or 6 months because my experience with DS has been otherwise. I understand I am probably setting myself up for a huge fall, but I can only go on my own experience.