to think a 12yo should be allowed to shave her legs?!

[AlgebraRocksMySocks]

Sorry I believe this is going over old MN ground but never mind, I'm annoyed and I'm going to rant!

I was chatting to my 12yo DSD1 (about to start yr8) as we were in Boots and I asked if she'd thought about shaving her legs. She said she really wants to and needs to, but her mum (DH's exW) won't let her. I heartily disagree with this, though I didn't tell DSD that as I'm very careful about not sounding bitchy about her mum IYSWIM.

I'm not saying all 12yos should shave, in fact DSD's twin (DSD2) has really fine, fair leg hair and she isn't at all fussed about shaving yet - lucky her I reckon! But DSD1 has really dark, quite thick hair - i.e. really obvious. TBH it's worse than mine would be without shaving. AFAIK she's not been teased about it at school (they wear trousers) which is good, but that's not the point, DSD1 wants to shave, she isn't happy with her legs. She's also pretty sensible and I'm sure she could do it properly/safely with practice.

The thing that gets me is, the reason exW has said no is because DSD1 tried it a while back and unsurprisingly cut her leg! Because her mum hasn't shown her how! DUH! ExW has said she will show DSD1 when she turns 13 (9m away) - could be worse but I don't understand why she needs to wait, the age seems a bit arbitrary.

I admit I feel quite strongly about this as in most ways my mum was really approachable BUT she didn't want me to shave. I did it covertly at 12yo, but could only find really old cream and naff disposables and ended up with severe rashes for months until I gradually learned to do it properly. :( (I did tell DSD1 this but not in a Therefore Your Mum Is Wrong type way)

I have been pondering for a few months whether to offer to buy the DSDs some lovely shaving stuff and show them how to do it - IF exW said it was ok. But as she's overtly said DSD is too young, I don't feel it's right to do this. I know from reading so many parenting threads that it's their mum's choice really so I won't interfere, but I'm still a bit and a teeny bit - AIBU?

Sorry that was quite a rant wasn't it

At least the next 9 months will probably be very wintery... So she can shave them for next summer...

Just out of interest, what are most young girls doing with underarm hair? Just noticed today that DD is starting to sprout. She's just off to senior school soon, so maybe I should be off to town to get her some hair removal products.

Legs not an issue as fairly fine.

I can't remember when I got underarm hair but I think it was after I'd got used to shaving properly, I've always just shaved (venus razor/gel). it's really quick. It's a lot more important to be careful as a cut really hurts there!

don't like the idea of creams as I'm a bit at the thought of a substance strong enough to remove hair, but that's just personal choice.

Shineon, if she regularly asks you, why do you think it doesn't bother her? How is it healthy to have a DD doing things behind your back?

I love the way we have mathanxiety and AlgebraRocks posting together.

lol! :o

I would buy a packet of disposable razors, and let her know they are there "For whenever you feel you want to use them"

And refusing to let a 12 year old shave her legs, and sending her to school with hairy legs, is cruel to her.

You aren't the one who has to do PE with other 12 and 13 year old girls - she is. Have some mercy.

eh? you know I'm not the one banning her right? :)

I know, I was referring to some other posters.

oh ok :o
[paranoid emoticon]

Buy her a venus razor and some nice shaving gel stuff, then we'll wait to see if her mum is on here....

My Mom wouldn't let me shave my legs at 12.

At 13 she used to take me to have my legs waxed. I gave it up at 14/15 as the boys at school teased me during that waituntilgrowslongenoughforawax period.
I had very fair hair on my legs anyway, now I shave and wish I'd kept up with the waxing tbh.

If it is bothering her then perhaps she could look at waxing/immac?

Choosing to remain hairy in the face of bitchy twelve year olds is one thing. Being forced to because you don't have a choice is misery.

I wasn't allowed to shave my legs until I was 14, and it put me off PE for life.

My armpits, oddly, were never an issue because despite starting my period at 12, my armpits stayed bald as a baby's bum until I was 17. Which was awesome.

I dont think you need to show your SD what to do. By an electronic lady shave, less likely to cut herself and you can get waterproof ones for in the shower. It will come with instructions so she wont get embarrassed asking you. Thats what my mom did with me at about 10-11, (i swam alot, am very dark haired and developed quite young).

I still cant see a vaild reason why an adolecent wouldnt be "allowed" to do such a thing, its not taking crack, its shaving unsightly hair! Or perhaps it leads to crack

If she has a twin with very fair leghair as well, then I think it is cruel,
I'm with Colditz on this.

I think colditz is spot on...but is shaving the way to go?

Waxing would grow back better. Hmm....

I definitely regret not keeping up with waxing, I'd have next to no hair on my legs now.
So I'd suggest depilitary creams or waxing.

The problem with waxing at school age is that you get your legs out three times a week at least for pe, maybe again for swimming, and then any other sports they do after school. Theres no way i would have done that with regrowth waiting to be waxed again. Maybe that was just me....and everyone i knew at school!

That is why I stopped Babydubs! Hopefully if she started early then she would have less regrowth?

YANBU

I really think at 12 that you should be able to make choices like that about your own body.

I can see not allowing her to get piercings yet, but shaving (or any kind of depilation) should be her decision, and ideally would be supported by purchase of the right kit and some tales of hair removal past.

For the people who say it is not her stepmother's business I say that it's really not her mother's business either.

She's her own person, this is a decision about her body, and it's entirely up to her.

I hard enough being 12 and self-conscious about your body without your mother trying to browbeat you out of doing something that will help you feel more confident.

if its just because she cut her leg cant she use creams?

my DD bought a huge bottle of Veet from Boyes for a fiver....smells awful but does the job and no fear of cuts.

at 12 id say she should be allowed to choose.

its her mums job to guide her into womanhood - my daughters step mother bought my daughter her first bra without telling me first - 12 is too young no matter how hairy she is !