AIBU to not be overly impressed with being called a wimp today?

[DetectivePotato]

Some mums and I were discussing birth today as me and another mum are both 15 weeks pregnant so have been comparing notes etc and talking about our experience of CB last time.

The pregnant mum said she wanted to get an inflatable ring to sit on next time as she was in a lot of pain sitting down for weeks. I said I had a soft cushion as I had a bad tear and had to be stitched in theatre for about 45 minutes and it was really painful.

The other mum, who had a c section, turned around and said "oh you wimps" about sitting on cushions. She then said about how she didn't take any pain medication after as she doesn't like tablets. Me and the other pregnant mum said we took loads of painkillers and they took the edge of but it was still really painful.

I did say to the other mum "well I did tear from front to back and it was really painful" but I actually wish I had a better answer.

Not saying that a c section isn't bad. I would probably consider it worse and I may have to have one myself this time, but she then went on about how she was up ironing and cooking the day after while me and the other mum said we struggled to walk and do hardly anything.

She really made it sound as if we were putting it on and should have just got on with it.

I really detest being called a wimp for having a massive rip in my fanjo that meant I could barely walk and has left me with slight problems now.

Let her get on with it. People like that have to put up with a lot more pain than us normal people who like to use medication and such to alleviate the discomfort of our various ailments.

She loses, we win.

Plus, she's a show-off, which is most unbecoming.

Oh FFS - birth is not a flippin' competition! I HATE all that one-upmanship over who did "better"

You don't have to justify yourself! I had a section and recovered well from it but I absolutely dread getting a bad tear - it's my single biggest fear this time around.

Just ignore the stupid woman

YANBU I had 2 vaginal tears and episotomy. Still have pain sometimes now, over 2 years on. Took ages to heal and got infected. Very very painful, would not have coped without volterol.

I don't know how it compares to a c-section. Most ladies I know who had one suffered afterwards and took painkillers.

People have different pain thresholds.

No one wins a medal for not taking painkillers.

You are not a wimp. I sat on a cushion for weeks - remember taking it to the hairdressers!

Last time I checked there were no medals either way.

And I tore from here to Christmas so I'd be in the queue

Well, she was putting her future health at risk and courting split stitches and infection if she was up and ironing etc so soon!
Plus I would doubt it would be actually physically possible ( 2 c-sections here) And I am terrified of a tear more than anything else too!
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
x

Yanbu the stupid woman has no idea what shes talking about! I can remember crying in pain 2 days after ds was born because my stitches were so painful . If it makes you feel better I've heard tears happen much less often with second babies.

Bloody hell... YANBU at all. What a stupid woman.

My friend had a c section first time round and then a bad tear with her natural birth and she says the pain from the tear was far worse and went on for longer!!!

Is she someone you have to socialise with often?

Hope not.

She sounds awful.

YANBU. The recovery from my elective section with DD2 was FAR FAR less painful to manage than the results of the too fast for any pain relief, forceps-involved, huge internal and external tear-inducing delivery of DD1. I was home cooking, ironing and hoovering 4 days after my c-section. The two are completely different, as is every birth and every woman.

She's a silly cow, ignore her! :)

Sounds as if she has a few ishoos. Probably she has a witch of a female relative who implied she didn't really experience any pain because she didn't give birth vaginally, and has been overcompensating ever since. Yes it was highly unreasonable of her to call you wimps, but it sounds as if overwhelming her with sympathy might have been an effective passive aggressive response - did she have nobody to help at all after her c-section?

YANBU

What a stupid cow. I'd avoid her like the plague as she seems to have a horrible attitude.

My mum is a bit like that. She was in the waiting room when I was having ds and I was screaming during the latter contractions as had no pain relief. She challenged me about it afterwards, as apparently "never made a sound when she was having me or my sister".

Round of applause ladies and gentlemen.

She sounds awful, and I'm not sure if I would believe her tbh! I had a section and struggled to walk for 2 weeks and was in a lot of pain.

"Round of applause ladies and gentlemen."

Made me laugh.

I do wonder if people like this think they need some sort of medal for 'getting on with it' as regards to being sensible, using pain killers and not overdoing it after. Sorry but no medals from me. I just think that you are a bit stupid really. Not going to say it though.

Her DH was there to help after her c section, there was no reason for her to be up doing it all herself.

I only see her once a week at toddler group, luckily. She seems nice enough but this comment really did annoy me and I am probably going to avoid getting into a major conversation with her again. Problem is she is good friends with the other mum I was talking to and I like sharing stories about our current pregnancy as I didn't know anyone who was pregnant when I was the last time. This other woman will just come over and involve herself in the conversation anyway.

And to those who say recovery from a tear is worse, it is this that is making me think c section this time. I have to discuss it with a consultant but the thought of it being worse fills me with dread. Plus there is no way of telling if it will happen again or not. I would much prefer a natural birth but I don't want incontinence problems.

YANBU - as maktaitai has said, she sounds like she has a few issues. Ignore her - you know yourself that childbirth and the pain relief you do or don't have is not a competition and what's more, no-one else's business and not really something that should be commented on.

I had a EMCS, was in labour 18 hours, but have no shame in saying that less than 4 hours after contractions had started I had an epidural and used gas and air for what felt like the other 14 hours. After the section I took everything offered for pain relief - I would be a right wimp in your friend's eyes!

And i don't believe she was up ironing...mind you I only iron so my mum doesn't tell me off for being scruffy looking!

I daren't tell her I had an early epidural (as I have M.E. and it was discussed with a consultant), I will be even more of a wimp then.

Bloody fabulous invention!

I went into labour with the attitude that I was going to do it without painkillers to protect dd from all the "nasties" that could feed through to her.

Yes I was an idiot.

I ended up begging for everything going but as my whole labour was only 90mins I'd left it too late and was dutifully ignored by the midwife.

Served me right too.

Oh DP, I'd love to meet her... She'd have a field day with me. I had everything going - gas/air, pethidine and an epidural. It was bloody marvellous!

I'm sorry but I just dont believe someone that's had ac section would not take painkiller after. Would she refuse them after an appendix op?

May be she didn't take tablets but the jab in the bum?

Why would anyone feel they HAD to be up ironing and cooking after a birth?
The instructions they send you home with are no housework, no vacuuming etc for a while, and NO DRIVING

Oh these competative women get on my tits!
After my 2 nd emergency c section I met a mum who was on about how hard her birth had been and said to me I bet you're glad you took the easy way.
Easy way!??
1st DD was in SCBU for a week, we nearly lost her, 2 DD ws fine but we nearly lost me
Had 1st son vc, 9and a half pounds, epsiotomy yes it hurt after
The only good thing about a section is that you dont have to sit on the stiches

She'll probably find if she looked at her notes that they gave her a painkilling jab as they were stitching her up after the section. So she did have pain relief at least at first.

IME - 1 EMCS, 1 ELCS - an elective section is surprisingly unpainful. They take thier time slwoly getting in neatly and then can make a good job of the wound when closing up. I was up having a very tentative shower 18 hours after mine and was feeling back to normal amazingly quickly. I still took my pain meds though - I'm not daft!

YANBU and definitely not a wimp. After DD was born I couldn't walk at all for the first couple of days and was completely incontinent. Sat on a rubber ring for at least 2-3 weeks. My friend had her DS by CS was texting me from Bluewater 2 days after having him.

She probably had TAP blocks (transversus absominis plane blocks)

I had these with my 2nd section and it made a massive, massive difference to recovery.

I could have ironed the next day. If I was a fucking mug that is.

With first (which was also an emergency which for some reason is always worse!) I wondered if I'd ever feel normal again. I couldn't even stand up straight for several days.

Anyway who cares what silly people say, there will always be someone who thinks they did it better. They probably did. So what!

Abdominus, even.

These bad boys