AIBU to not be overly impressed with being called a wimp today?

[DetectivePotato]

Some mums and I were discussing birth today as me and another mum are both 15 weeks pregnant so have been comparing notes etc and talking about our experience of CB last time.

The pregnant mum said she wanted to get an inflatable ring to sit on next time as she was in a lot of pain sitting down for weeks. I said I had a soft cushion as I had a bad tear and had to be stitched in theatre for about 45 minutes and it was really painful.

The other mum, who had a c section, turned around and said "oh you wimps" about sitting on cushions. She then said about how she didn't take any pain medication after as she doesn't like tablets. Me and the other pregnant mum said we took loads of painkillers and they took the edge of but it was still really painful.

I did say to the other mum "well I did tear from front to back and it was really painful" but I actually wish I had a better answer.

Not saying that a c section isn't bad. I would probably consider it worse and I may have to have one myself this time, but she then went on about how she was up ironing and cooking the day after while me and the other mum said we struggled to walk and do hardly anything.

She really made it sound as if we were putting it on and should have just got on with it.

I really detest being called a wimp for having a massive rip in my fanjo that meant I could barely walk and has left me with slight problems now.

"i read somewhere that kids who don't speak at age 2 are actually cleverer than those that do and it's just they are too busy thinking about things to speak"

Thats a new one.

Of course the correct one upmanship answer to the "ironing and cooking " is "I was far too busy bonding with my baby to possibly consider domestic chores"

I was intersested that those who had an elective section rather than emergency found it less painful( ish )
I felt the atmosphere in theatre was far more relaxed and that I was more mobile after my 4th baby was born by elective setion.
I put it down to not having been in labour that I wasn't as sore

I wouldn't count her as a 'friend'.

Although she is on my FB, we do have each others phone numbers and we are starting to include her and a few others when we (had) nights out.

I am keen to distance myself from her with her attitude. Its the same woman who calls her DS a wimp quite a lot as well. Had a thread about that recently.

She obviously likes the word 'wimp'.

Any witty comebacks I can come out with?

No comebacks, just wear this

Not good with the comebacks DP so I would just stick to 'Really, how odd for you to think that'. Should do you right for most situations.

Oh it's her - I remember you other thread.

She sounds hideous!

ratspeaker - I like your response, must remember that one for when DC2 arrives

Bumper - I tried to do too much after DS was born. I'd had awful SPD and had hardly done anything since finishing work and I was desperate to get out of the house. I'm sure it's why my cs scar got infected. I shall be taking a much more relaxed this time around and plan to spend a significant amount of time in bed.

It just highlights the Western attitude to women and childbirth
I a lot of eastern societies the mew mum is expected to devote herself to the baby for around a month, doing no housework, having her food perpared for her and having limited visitors, though I'd go stir crazy at the Japanese idea of staying in bed for 2 weeks, or the no eating of cold foods advocated by the Chinese.

Ach the woman is a right wimple
( def 1 in case you didn't twig )

I read that somewhere too ratspeaker - we can but dream....

Tell her to go and stuff off!

With my twins I had an episiotomy and a section, the stitches on my floo were way more painful and took longer to heal than the section - and I had loads of drugs too - ooh I do miss gas and air!

She sounds like a bit of a liar exaggerater to me.

I was subjected to a boastful rant about how good she was at natural birth by another mum once. Had we not been sitting in a group of mums at a nursery taster session I may well have been unable to bite back "Do you want a fucking medal?". looking back, actually, I wish I had said it because I reckon we were all thinking it.

I'm very anti-medicalisation of birth myself, hoping for a nice natural VBAC with some panpipe music and long skirts wafting around, but having never had the pleasure of trying to shit out a fridge I just don't know how I'll cope. I do loathe people who assume that their good experience is transferable to everyone else. My section wasn't bad to recover from but then I know everyone's different.

Silly cow.

Tell her she can talk out of her fanny as she doesn't have stitches in it.

DP, if you've had a bad tear and problems after (depends a bit on the nature of them) you could qualify for an ELCS.

Having had 3 very different births, for me the ELCS was a breeze in pain and recovery terms compared to the vb with bad tear.

Are you sure she is not secretly a man who has somehow grown a womb? 'Cos that sounds like the kind of annoying competitive nonsense some of them talk.

"Really, how odd for you to think that"

I do like that. Not confrontational but gets the point across. I also like the baby bonding comment too. I wanted to say something far more graphic but as I hate confrontation and there were many toddlers around, I didn't think it would be a good idea.

Dinah I do qualify for a c section this time. They told me the day after I had DS, they would recommend any future births were by c section. I have a consultant app in Sept to discuss this. I wanted to avoid it but seeing people on here say there elective c sections were less painful than the tears has made me think twice.

Oh to be able to just focus on the baby and have food brought to me for a month!

Haven't read all the thread, sorry, but I have had 3 c-sections. After I had the last one I hobbled into the day room where two women were complaining about their stitches.

They stopped and looked at me guiltily. One said "Oh sorry, your stitches must hurt a LOT more."

I replied that whether they did or not (which I doubt as surely a surgical cut will be easier to repair than a tear) I didn't have to sit on them.

I can assure you OP that I would take a C-section over a fanjo tear any time. Because I am a wimp.

BTW some people don't feel any pain after a c-section, and that's why they don't need painkillers. These people are not called "Super Clever" or "Impressively Tough." They are called "Lucky."

Oh and as for the "I was cooking and ironing the day after" I'd struggle not to look and say "But my husband did all that for three months, I never had to lift a finger. Did yours just sit there and make you do all the work? Oh you poor love, I had no idea. . . ohh "

Thats a good one Balloon. Why do I never think of these things?

I had an em cs with ds1 after 40 hour labour but was up and about the next day. The scar hurt but was managable. Had ds2 4 months ago and went for a VBAC and ended up with episiotomy and forceps. That was sooooo much worse and I found the pain from sitting on the stitches horrible. Moving in bed trying to get comfortable was far worse this time than after a cs so I don't think for one minute you were being a wimp (I also hate that notion of competitive childbirth). The plus side of the VBAC was that I was better emotionally after ds2 but physically I'm still aware of the scar and stitches so a tear is definitely a very painful thing to deal with after giving birth. Your 'friend' sounds very irritating!

as someone on here once said, she'll be waiting a long time for her medal.....

Fwiw, I had a c-section and I'd rather do that again than experience a tear!