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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I WANT TO DIE!!!

100 replies

Obvnotmyrealname · 21/08/2010 20:38

I have just seen my ex with his wife (he went back to her after I quit my partner). I want to die! I can't stop crying!!! My child is not at home, she's with her grandparents, so I'm all alone. I'm having crazy thoughts... I don't know if to go out, everybody is on holiday, or stay at home, but I can't stand the pain. Please help me! Say something that makes me not want to jump out of the window!

OP posts:
BarmyArmy · 22/08/2010 00:37

constantlytired - without sounding too "judgey" whilst nevertheless getting my point across...it's a good idea to get the caller/emailer/poster to focus on their own feelings and NOT to dwell on how their family members might feel were they to take their own lives.

The reason being - if someone has crossed the threshold of considering whether to gtake their own life, reminding thm of their nearest and dearest is likely to push them yet further down that road, because their self-esteem is so low that they think their family/friends would be better off without them.

Please, just recommend a call to Samaritans and leave it at that. This is too important a subject to even begin to try "having a go" without the necessary selection and training.

MiladyDeSummer · 22/08/2010 00:37

Sorry Ob, didn't realise you were going to bed hence the untimely lecture!

Sweet dreams Smile

gtamom · 22/08/2010 00:45

I am so sorry you are suffering. A broken heart hurts. This guy was just not what you thought. The fact that your ex of 8 years was kind and spoke with you for two hours, sounds a lot more loving to me.
It may take a long time, or a short time, but it is just as mamatomany said,

"One day you will wake up and realize you haven't thought about Mr X for a whole day, then a week will pass and then a month, time is a great healer (I know that sounds like bullshit now but it's true)."

I do think it would help you a lot if you had someone to talk to about it, and maybe get some short term medication to help you through this worst time.
Hang in there.

curlymama · 22/08/2010 00:47

BarmyArmy - you may be aiming that at me. You are probably right, and while I was selected and trained as a Samaritan a few years ago, this is probably not the place to put that experience into place.

My apologies.

Tiredmumno1 · 22/08/2010 00:50

Curly she was aiming it at constantlytired on the first page.

you said nothing wrong, you were being helpful, i am sure obv will come back tomorrow.

she needed someone to talk to and you were here, so well done

curlymama · 22/08/2010 00:53

Thanks Tiredmum.

Barmy could have a point at me too though. I will of course still hope to chat to the op and help as much as possible.

dustycups · 22/08/2010 00:57

i feel like this tonight as well but dont feel brave enough to start a threadin
dont think i can be bothered to fight anymore it all hurts to much!

sorry for hijacking you thread, glad your feeling a bit better

Tiredmumno1 · 22/08/2010 01:06

Dusty, just like the op, if you are on here means that you are willing to fight whatever your probs are.

look on previous page and try to get my mail if you want to talk before mn delete it.

i will be around tomoz and check up, but you are not alone, and other mumsnetters will be about at some point to help.

BarmyArmy · 22/08/2010 01:08

curlymama/tiredmumno1 - I'm a Sam too! This may or may not be a suitable place to explore the emotions but I think, if we have some training behind us, we have a duty to stay within its confines (for good reasons!) or just stay away.

Surely we know that the default responses (friends, family etc) are NOT what is needed right now?

(Psst, I'm a fella!)

Tiredmumno1 · 22/08/2010 01:15

Barmy sorry i should not have assumed you were female.

i feel its nice really to be an ear to listen, and try to give what advice i would give myself if i were in that position.

sometimes people just need to talk and know there is someone to turn to.

this is where i feel mumsnet does come in so they dont feel alone.

ChippingIn · 22/08/2010 01:17

Dustycups - are you ok?

Sometimes it's easier just to say what you want to say in a post, on a similar thread, than to start your own thread - I'm sure the OP of all people would understand that.

Read the whole thing again - put yourself in the OP's place, I'm sure the advice would be very similar because it's usually a cheating, lying bastard you still love causing the heart ache :(

No man is worth it!!

BarmyArmy · 22/08/2010 01:17

Tiremumno1 - I know the intention is honourable but we should try to steer clear of giving advice...not least because none of us know sufficient info about the situation in order to be able to help in that way.

The best we can do is to listen.

dustycups · 22/08/2010 01:21

took email address tiredmumno1

gonna try sleep. dont wanna wake up tomorrow!!

ChippingIn · 22/08/2010 01:25

Barmy - maybe you are seeing this from a mans pov and maybe we are seeing it from a womans pov - just because people don't say what training they have had, doesn't mean they aren't trained you know.... even if they aren't trained, it doesn't mean they can't help....

You post as you see fit, I think you should allow others to do the same without your condemnation.

ChippingIn · 22/08/2010 01:26

Dusty - will see you here tomorrow OK x

dustycups · 22/08/2010 01:27

chippingin my pain is due to a shit past which seems to haunt me everyday and being in love with a woman i cant have and it hurts! just want it all to go away!

dustycups · 22/08/2010 01:30

ok

BarmyArmy · 22/08/2010 01:30

ChippingIn - apologies - I don't mean to condemn.

I guess I mistook this forum for Samaritans and, given the demonstration of such a vast number of wholly inappropriate ways of dealing with a potential suicide, it clearly isn't!

I just wish people wouldn't butt in there with 2 left feet.

sanielle · 22/08/2010 05:29

TBH for me, something about the OP doesn't ring true. Hope it isn't anyway. IF i'm completely out of line obvnotmerealname and you are genuine I'm very sorry. But AIBU is not the place to be getting advice from strangers on "why not to kill myself" you need to speak to a close friend or Samaritans

Animation · 22/08/2010 08:22

Curlymama - I read it that she spoke to her x-partner - the one she left for this guy - who has now left his wife.

Obvnotmyrealname. Hang in there - think of it as a roller-coaster. Feelings, like roller-coasters ebb and flow and never stay the same. You felt overwhelmed last night and you'll probably feel overwhelmed again, but you'll also get moments when it eases.

Animation · 22/08/2010 08:25

I read it that she was speaking to her x-partner - the one she left for this guy - the guy who left his wife but has now gone back to.

Original poster
Obvnotmyrealname · 22/08/2010 08:39

Thanks to all, I made it through the night.

Sanielle, I wish I was making all this up... really. I'm sorry, but I don't have a manual to tell me what to do when I'm having thoughts of ending everything. It's my first time, and the first thing I could think of was this board. I didn't even know what the Samaritans were... Anyway, I will call if I feel worse again. Is it Christian? Religion is not really my thing.

To all the rest, your comments last night were really helpful. Just reading you call him a cheating bastard and things like that made me feel better (silly, I know). It's great to be able to talk with strangers, and getting all that interest and support. I was thinking nobody would really care.

Of course, I dreamt of him tonight too. Something really silly, like I had to give a toaster back to him and had to see him... We had split, but it wasn't as tragic, we were still talking and I was trying to win him back. Pathetic.

Anyway, let's see how the day goes. He hasn't texted me back. He hastn't emailed me, called me or anything. I HAVE to move on, I know, I know... Let's see how I do this.

I'm also considering getting professional help to help me cope with the pain. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
spiritmum · 22/08/2010 08:40

Obv and Dusty - I agree with everyone who says talk to someone like the Samaritans if you get to the stage where you feel so desperate.

Listen, the only person whose love and approval you need is you. Really, none of us needs anyobody else in order to feel whole and complete. I know that may seem hard to believe sometimes, but it's true.

The best book I've read on relationships is 'I Need Your Love, Is That True?' by Byron Katie.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 22/08/2010 08:51

I wasn't online last night when you first posted, but glad you made it through the night.

The Samaritans aren't religious. They're just there to listen. And open 24/7, too...

dustycups · 22/08/2010 08:55

obv so glad you made it through the night, if you had not started this thread i would of not got the courage to say how i felt! thankyou!

feeling a bit stronger this morning!!
wish i had remembered to name change!

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