To be annoyed that MIL is restricting name choice

[ReshapeWhileDamp]

By the way she's already made it clear she doesn't like certain names? I know, I know, I am probably BU - if we like the name, we go ahead and use it anyway, right? Or can we?

We are expecting DC2 and just found out that it's another boy. We had a nightmare thinking of a boy's name we both liked before (we had a shortlist of two, and since then I've gone off the one we didn't use!). DH and I started brainstorming names and discovered we both, unexpectedly, liked the name Arthur. It's the first name we both agreed we liked, this time round.

Anyway, PIL are kindly staying here this week while we go house-hunting, and as soon as we told them it's another boy, my MIL started the Names Discussion. We said that we didn't want to discuss names with family this time, because it didn't help.

MIL promptly said 'Well, ok then, as long as you're not calling him Arthur. I really don't like that name'. Bad luck really, but she managed to hit on the one name we like so far! (It's never been mentioned to her before, I have no idea how she hit on that one.) Couldn't she have kept it to herself? If we showed her a brand-new baby called Arthur, I bet she wouldn't have reservations, because she'd associate the name with cute new baby, etc.

So now I feel pissed off that we can't continue to think of that as our favourite name, because she's already made it clear she hates it. If we name DS2 Arthur she's going to take it as a slap in the face, maybe deliberate. (She can be very unreasonable herself.) If we don't, then we're going against our own wishes. We shouldn't have to consider her tastes! But now the genii's out of the bottle, I sort of feel like we have to.

WWYD?

Your child, your choice of names. Your MIL will just have to get over it.

As above, you baby your choice of names, my mother was not keen at all on our DD's name but tough.

Oh my, what bad luck! I really am not sure what I'd do, but maybe wait and see and not mention you have already decided on the name Arthur? We changed our minds several times before ds was born, so maybe you will fall in love with a different name.
I respect my in-laws opinions, but it is your child to name...but I can see the awkwardness of the situation.

Are you sure she hit on this name out of the blue, or is it possible that your DH let it slip? If you discussed it in front of your DS, might he have told your MIL?

I think if you truly love the name, then bite the bullet and use it anyway. Your MIL had the chance to name her own DCs and now it is your turn.

Fwiw, my mum really didn't like my name choice for my 3rd DS, but I loved it, so stuck with it. Have had no regrets. It was hard for DH and I to find a name we both loved, given that we had already chosen first and middle names for our 2 older boys. Good thing baby number 4 was a DD. Again we had some criticism of the namewe chose, but chose it anyway and haven't regretted it for a moment

Good luck and congratulations btw

I know, I should just be more ruthless! I'm not sure if DH will want to be, though. It's his mum, it feels a bit different, I suppose. (I am well used to flying in the face of my MIL's disapproval!)

Karma I don't think we ever hit on this name with DS1 (apparently his friend suggested Arthur, and Conan, because DH is a big Sherlock Holmes fan! but don't think that ever got as far as MIL last time) so I do think it was just sod's law.

I think we will use it if we really like it, but my problem now is that every time I think of it, I'm going to see it coloured by her saying she hates it. So I'll find it hard to think objectively.

God, I really need to grow a pair, don't I? (am saying that pre-emptively before someone else says it for me!)

YANBU. It has nothing to do with anyone except you and the babies father what you choose to name your child.

In fact I would be petty and make damn sure I had the name Arthur now if thats what you really both love.

Tough on MIL. I can't believe that people think they have the right to discuss names with you. I asked my nan for suggestions the other day as I am pregnant with DC2 and if it is another boy we are going to struggle as we have used the one boys name we both loved. She will say the odd name that she likes but if I say something I like and she doesn't (I can tell) but she does keep her opinion to herself, like all others should.

You MUST call him Arthur.

We had this with our choice of Rufus. My Mum didn't like it. I called him Jude for two hours after he was born then I thought NO and went back to OUR favourite.

Mum now says she loves the name Rufus, and it is just HIM, can't imagine him called anything else.

Arthur is a great name and my hubby is a great Arthur!

just ignore. it'll grow on her. my parents didn't particularly like either of our kids names until the babies arrived and now they can't imagine them being called anything else!

Grow a pair

A tip for name spoilers, ask them what they called their kids, and then comment on how you have always disliked that name. Works a treat

That's bad luck!

I can see that, objectively you are entitled to use any name you want, but I can also see that having this little cloud over the name might be good reason to put you off.

I sympathies about the boys name thing - I have two boys and there was only really one we agreed on each time.

That said, you may well change your mind. How about if you aim for a shortlist of three, then see what he looks like when he comes out Winston Churchill .....?). If he truly is an Arthur, then use it. And no doubt she'll change her mind anyway.

Karma's right - MIL had her go at naming babies with her own offspring. It's up to you and dh what you call YOUR baby.

sympathise - not sympathies ...

your MIL already had her time to name children. This is your child, your choice of name.
Tough titties to MIL. If she continues to be rude about it, you'll just have to tell her to leave you all alone.

Oh ffs. I was just running this past DH and apparently he doesn't really like the name, having had a few days to think about it.

Ok, alarm off, this was a non-starter, etc.

Thanks for your opinions! Glad I'm not BU, anyway...

BTW - I think MIL was tactless/thoughtless. But not deliberately rude. If she had put her oar in after you'd made it clear you were definitely going to call him Arthur, that would be a different matter.

See you on Baby Names !

How convenient that he has gone off the name now his mother has put a dampener on it!

Hmmm, not meaning to stir, but, I think it is possible DH may have told MIL about 'Arthur' or maybe you told someone who may have mentioned it to her. Otherwise, given the co-incidence, it is definitely karma that you name the baby Arthur. BTW, I like it.
My DCS have really unusual names and most people just looked at me bemused when I told them, including both sets of parents. Can't please everyone.

I know a couple of little Arthurs - it really suits a baby! Go for it!

Oh yes, agree that she was tactless but not actually telling us she hates a name that she knows we (I) like. Still.

I have shone a torch in DH's eyes and cross-questioned him about why he went off it, and he claims it has nothing whatsoever to do with his mother's taste. Hmm.

I don't think DH did tell her (I pulled out his fingernails until he told me the truth ). We had this conversation with her a couple of days ago. She's staying in a caravan park, not at the house, and he's only seen her with me since then. And he says he never mentioned the name before this, either.

God, I hate choosing names. It should be all fluffy and fun, and it's fraught with emotional turmoil.

When their GD was born, my PIL really found the name BIL and SIL had picked very odd. Said so to us in passing but too kind to say to the new parents' faces. The other day we were talking about her name and they had completely revised history - loved the name, really suited her etc. Basically once they had got to know and love the baby, they couldn't imagine her as anything else and have forgotten they ever had reservations about it.

Name your child the name you love, nothing else.

Either your MIL will be like this about Arthur, or she will continue to hate it and therefore she won't be worth worrying about. Love the person and you'll love the name IMO.

my mum was like this with DD's name, she really didnt like it at all, and said so loudly and repeatedly everytime she saw me from the 20 week scan when we found out it was a girl and decided on a name, right up to birth.
A week before DD was born I had a chat with her and told her that while I love her dearly, and value her opinion, that I was still going to name DD *** and no amount of broken record was going to change that. I also said that if she continued in this vein after the birth that I would be really cross as I didnt want DD growing up hearing her name in such a negative light. This did work and she hasnt said anything since. In fact DD is now 4 and mum has actually said she has now got used to the name and cant imagine DD being called anything else.