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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that MIL is restricting name choice

80 replies

ReshapeWhileDamp · 21/08/2010 09:19

By the way she's already made it clear she doesn't like certain names? I know, I know, I am probably BU - if we like the name, we go ahead and use it anyway, right? Or can we?

We are expecting DC2 and just found out that it's another boy. We had a nightmare thinking of a boy's name we both liked before (we had a shortlist of two, and since then I've gone off the one we didn't use!). DH and I started brainstorming names and discovered we both, unexpectedly, liked the name Arthur. It's the first name we both agreed we liked, this time round.

Anyway, PIL are kindly staying here this week while we go house-hunting, and as soon as we told them it's another boy, my MIL started the Names Discussion. We said that we didn't want to discuss names with family this time, because it didn't help.

MIL promptly said 'Well, ok then, as long as you're not calling him Arthur. I really don't like that name'. Bad luck really, but she managed to hit on the one name we like so far! (It's never been mentioned to her before, I have no idea how she hit on that one.) Couldn't she have kept it to herself? If we showed her a brand-new baby called Arthur, I bet she wouldn't have reservations, because she'd associate the name with cute new baby, etc.

So now I feel pissed off that we can't continue to think of that as our favourite name, because she's already made it clear she hates it. If we name DS2 Arthur she's going to take it as a slap in the face, maybe deliberate. (She can be very unreasonable herself.) If we don't, then we're going against our own wishes. We shouldn't have to consider her tastes! But now the genii's out of the bottle, I sort of feel like we have to.

WWYD?

OP posts:

forehead · 21/08/2010 14:48

My mil hated dd's name and made up her own name for dd, probably to piss me off. My dh and i ignored her and she finally relented and now calls my dd by her given name.
OP call YOUR ds whatever you like.

shimmerysilverglitter · 21/08/2010 14:51

My MIL said this about dd's name. We told her what we planned to call dd and she just looked us with tears in her eyes and then said "but that is DD's (her dd - H's Sister, my SIL), ex-husband's, sister's name".

I actually said very quietly "so f*cking what!".

In the end we went off it because it didn't feel as strong as the name we gave ds and gave her a different name entirely (kept first choice as a middle name) but it peed me off that MIL might think we decided not to have it because of her nonsensical objection to it.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/08/2010 15:14

MrsGokWan Glad we were talking about different names. For a minute there I was worried that I really had given my son a dogs name

YouHaveVeryMadBanners · 21/08/2010 15:19

Yanbu

Call your son the name you both like..if you chose something else, that neither of you like as much, you will regret it.

emptyshell · 21/08/2010 15:35

I've already been presented by a list of prohibited names that the SiL has dibs on by my MiL!

MassiveBumperlicious · 21/08/2010 16:08

We refuse to discuss it with people any more (not that DH and I can even decide upon a name for DC2).

With DD my mum was mortified that she didn't get a say in the matter, she genuinely thought she had a right to chose the name of the baby. I told her she'd had three goes so tough!

For this one (which is apparently a girl) I really like Betty, but no one else, including my DH likes it. However my MIL has firmly stated her negative opinion of it and DH says he is tempted to use it just to piss her off now (if only he would!).

sorrento56 · 21/08/2010 16:20

emptyshell are you going to adhere to your orders?

diddl · 21/08/2010 17:05

OP-listen to your husband.
Arthur is a horrible name.

tinkletinklelittlestar · 21/08/2010 17:06

Arthur is a very cool name - my grandad was called that and I've always loved his name. Not his middle name though - Aloysius(eek!)!

Your MIL is being a cow so, best ignore her really.

ValiumSingleton · 21/08/2010 17:14

MrsGokWan, I love that name, it's my dc2's mn. I know a ten year old near me with that name, and he is just the cat's miaow. Really confident handsome sporty kid. I keep expecting there to be a very localised statistical anomoly - with a surge in that name.

I love loads of names like Sadie and Rufus that have been described in the same way. Unless a name is Elizabeth or Christopher, it would suit a dog too imo, so that is a storm in a teacup.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 21/08/2010 17:24

I love the name Arthur. Our good friends' little boy is called Arthur and he's one cool kid!

Go with your gut. If she moans, tell her you'd already picked the name when she told you she hated it....

PinkyMe · 21/08/2010 17:53

What does she mean as long as its not ...

Basically she went ahead and gave her opinion anyway despite your asking her not to.

Go ahead and call him Arthur. If she can't respect your wishes, why should you go out of your way to respect hers?

said from someone who has just as much trouble with her own MIL.

Glitterknickaz · 21/08/2010 18:40

Mum hated the name Caitlin and said she'd always call her Katie.

She hasn't though

ValiumSingleton · 21/08/2010 19:47

My mum has also re-written history. When I told her the name my dd was most likely going to be (when 39 wks prg) she said 'salright'. Now she loves it.

ValiumSingleton · 21/08/2010 19:48

In fact, I believe she thinks she talked me in to that choice.

hairytriangle · 21/08/2010 22:14

Bloody hell! I'm seriously shocked that anyone who is not the parent would have any say whatsoever over a baby's name!!! :0

seaturtle · 21/08/2010 22:17

We (DS's dad and I) made final decisions on first and middle names for girl and boy and then told our parents, and only our parents.

Always thought the polite thing to do in responding to other peoples' babies' names is to say something nice or not at all, or lie, and do your laughing in private. I've encountered lots of wacky names that I've chuckled over, but in private and never in front of the parents.

deemented · 21/08/2010 22:23

My MIL presented me with a list of baby names and told me to choose. I kid you not.

lucky1979 · 21/08/2010 23:06

deemented - I hope you chose not to use anything on that list!

FellatioNelson · 21/08/2010 23:19

It's a bit late now but don't even be tempted to discuss names with close family members. They all want to put thier two penneth in and you end up totally doubting your own choices and choosing something purely because it's the only thing no-one in the family pulls a face at. Whatever you choose they will all learn to like it in the end.

And Arthur is nice!

Marjee · 21/08/2010 23:47

If you've just found out the sex I'm guessing you're just over 20 weeks? Thats plenty of time to forget about the conversation, you could even go off Arthur completely before hes born! A similar thing happened when I was pg, we didn't find out the sex but everyone had strong suspicions it was a boy (he is!) and we had a name we really liked. One day mil listed a few names she really hated which included the name we had chosen. I just tried not to think about it and named ds it anyway, mil hasn't mentioned it since and has commented a few times that his name really suits him.

What you name your ds is none of your mil's business, I would just forget she said anything, its very hard to hate a name when it belongs to a gorgeous little baby. If conversation starts moving towards baby names just gently steer it away again! Fwiw I think Arthur is a lovely name

TakeLovingChances · 22/08/2010 09:33

I do think it's easier said than done to just let the negative comments just fly over ones head.

I was very upset by how critical my mum was of the girls name we'd chosen during pregnancy - I ended up having a boy anyway. Even now, more than 6 months after DS was born mum still gets wee digs in about that "fucking awful girls name you had picked".... (The name in our minds is Juliet.)

It does hurt me as DH and I still like the name and it is a contender if we ever have another baby.

It's not like the name is totally wacky and out there, nor is it the name of anyone she even knows!

The same goes for Arthur. It's a nice solid name, easy to spell and not made up.

OP, give it time until your due date, which I'm guessing is another few months away and see how you feel.

mrswoodentop · 22/08/2010 09:49

Juliet is one of my all time favourite gorls name ,whats not to like about it.
My MIL really didn't like our ds1s name but we went ahead anyway and shes never said a word since he was born and is a fantastic gandma.
Secretely I loathe (really dislike actually)my nephews name,can't understand why my db and SIL chose it but I would never never say so ,I love him he is my nephew and thats all that matters .Interesting though I thought it would grow on me but I still often think why did you call him that and hes 7!

mrswoodentop · 22/08/2010 09:50

Sorry girl's not gorls!!!

deemented · 22/08/2010 10:51

lucky1979 Hell no - Her boys names included Jupiter, Saturn and Moonbeam, and her girls names included Star, Orion and Winter...

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