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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that MIL is restricting name choice

80 replies

ReshapeWhileDamp · 21/08/2010 09:19

By the way she's already made it clear she doesn't like certain names? I know, I know, I am probably BU - if we like the name, we go ahead and use it anyway, right? Or can we?

We are expecting DC2 and just found out that it's another boy. We had a nightmare thinking of a boy's name we both liked before (we had a shortlist of two, and since then I've gone off the one we didn't use!). DH and I started brainstorming names and discovered we both, unexpectedly, liked the name Arthur. It's the first name we both agreed we liked, this time round.

Anyway, PIL are kindly staying here this week while we go house-hunting, and as soon as we told them it's another boy, my MIL started the Names Discussion. We said that we didn't want to discuss names with family this time, because it didn't help.

MIL promptly said 'Well, ok then, as long as you're not calling him Arthur. I really don't like that name'. Bad luck really, but she managed to hit on the one name we like so far! (It's never been mentioned to her before, I have no idea how she hit on that one.) Couldn't she have kept it to herself? If we showed her a brand-new baby called Arthur, I bet she wouldn't have reservations, because she'd associate the name with cute new baby, etc.

So now I feel pissed off that we can't continue to think of that as our favourite name, because she's already made it clear she hates it. If we name DS2 Arthur she's going to take it as a slap in the face, maybe deliberate. (She can be very unreasonable herself.) If we don't, then we're going against our own wishes. We shouldn't have to consider her tastes! But now the genii's out of the bottle, I sort of feel like we have to.

WWYD?

OP posts:

spilttheteaagain · 21/08/2010 09:57

Arthur is a gorgeous name, you have excellent taste.

Species8472 · 21/08/2010 09:58

Your choice of names is nothing to do with your MIL, or anyone else other than you and your DH. It always baffles me when people's extended families get so involved in things that have nowt to do with them.

I think the best tactic is to just not discuss the matter with her. FWIW Arthur is a great name, my friend named her DS Arthur last year and it really suits him.

DH and I told no-one of any of our name choices when expecting DD, then it's a nice surprise when you announce the name and it's too late for people to put their oar in.

MrsGokWan · 21/08/2010 10:05

My Mum said to me ' You can't name him that it is a dogs name' when we told her our choice for DC1 but now says that it really is him and he couldn't be any other name.

We got all sorts of comments when we told every one what we were going to call DC3 but they all love it now and if they don't then they don't say anything to my face.

BTW DC1's second name is Arthur and it is a fantastic name.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/08/2010 10:14

MrsGokWan Did you name your baby Max, Because that is exactly what my mum said to me about DS3 name.

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 21/08/2010 10:33

Hi Reshape - I would ignore MIL tbh. I won't be a big issue after he's born for her. Call the baby what you want and like - don't let someone else make the decision for you.

MadAboutQuavers · 21/08/2010 10:34

My mum is the same over my unborn DS's name. I told her what we liked and her response was "ooh no, I don't like that at all" to every name we mentioned.

I have since taken great joy in winding her up completely by coming up with new names every time I see her, each one more outlandish than the last (Genghis, Hannibal, Nebuchadnezzar, Apollo, etc.). i've delivered this information straight faced and serious, and the look of horror I get in return is giving me hours of wicked pleasure .

This way, when DS is born and we give him one of the names she originally hated, I know she'll be completely relieved!

MarineIguana · 21/08/2010 10:40

I love Arthur too (though didn't use if because DP not so keen). However we did give DD a name that my mum hates and she didn't bite her tongue when we told her what we were planning. I don't give a toss, it's our baby! We used it and she'll have to lump it. Like your MIL, she's not the nicest or most reasonable person so I feel fine ignoring her I suppose.

Just use it and say "Oh MIL I now it's not your fave name, but we had already decided we both liked it." End of discussion. She can always call him a special granny nickname if she's bothered?

RonansMummy · 21/08/2010 10:41

try the mumsnet name finder, lol

my mum really hated the name ronan,

i wanted to name him nicholas after my dad, who died three years ago, but she didn't want me to, which is fair enough. We chose ronan instead and she hated it so much she said i could call him nicholas!!!

but now ronan is her grandson and she loves him and his name :-)

its your baby and unless she has emotional reasons for objecting to arthur its nothing to do with her! She'll love it when there is a baby attached to the name :-D

Katisha · 21/08/2010 10:42

I think the way to go is to tell her that actually you are keen on Arthur and it's not meant to be any sort of slap in the face for her. That way she has time to get used to it before the baby is born.

I think waiting until he is born andthen saying, oh and he's Arthur could be more problematic.

MrsGokWan · 21/08/2010 10:47

karmabeliever No it is the very traditional Scottish name and what Aussies nickname English men

Funny thing is I thought she was daft as I had never heard a dog called it and then we had a neighbour move in who had two dogs and one was called the same as my son

Kaloki · 21/08/2010 10:49

madaboutquavers That is brilliant! Will borrow that idea when I finally fall pregnant

MadAboutQuavers · 21/08/2010 11:23

Thanks Kaloki, it's worked out nicely so far.... Mum gets to be indignant and opinionated, everyone in the know gets a laugh out of it, we get to call our boy what the hell we want without all the grief....

Wicked daughter that I am ...

Lancelottie · 21/08/2010 12:04

The Mumsnet namefinder gives me Isaac, Jacob and Alex no matter what biscuit-and-shopping choices I put into it. Does this happen to everyone? Is every reception class in five years' time going to have five each of Alex, Isaac and Jacob?

FranSanDisco · 21/08/2010 12:12

She will grow to like it and if she doesn't tough.

tryingtoleave · 21/08/2010 12:25

Use the name. Be thankful your mil doesn't have my mil's way more effective way of undermining name choices. She told us that our choice for ds's second name (my surname) was unlucky because every baby given that name in her family had died in infancy. I have no way of checking that information and knowing my mil to be a compulsive liar think it is probably untrue but was still unable to use the name.

Just13moreyearstogo · 21/08/2010 12:29

Before DS1 was born FIL told us very clearly the name we had chosen for him was 'horrible' and MIL politely told DH that 'we don't care for that name'. I was really upset and resentful about their interference but we stuck to our guns, used the name. Our son is now 14 and really likes his name. Had we listened to the inlaws he would now be called Keith or Alistair, neither of which suit him one little bit.

ChippingIn · 21/08/2010 12:37

Reshape - shame about DH - I would torture ask him when he's asleep - works wonders for getting the truth :)

If you still really like Arthur then I would suggest some other ghastly option and tell DH they are really the only two you like failing that, there's always the 'just given birth can't say no' scenario!!

FlyingInTheCLouds · 21/08/2010 12:38

god why do they do this! No matter what name you choose some numpty will make a rubbish comment.

My mum decided to make this face when we told her the name of our 3 day old pfb .

she said 'naming your child after a dictatoring murderer nice.'...

our DS1 is called Joseph.

I can honestly say no one else has ever mentioned the Stalin connection.

tryingtoleave · 21/08/2010 12:42

Joseph is the name my mil wanted us to use! Actually I really like it, but wasn't going to consider it after they were so aggressive about it.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 21/08/2010 12:48

well my mother will probably end up being your aunt and make the same comment again if you did!

TakeLovingChances · 21/08/2010 13:43

Joseph is a lovely name, as is Arthur.

My DS has the initials ANC and I got a far bit of slagging from my dad and my FIL

I live in Northern Ireland, not Africa. I very much doubt anyone will take offence!

Cretaceous · 21/08/2010 14:28

I met someone who called their son Eros, and I managed not to smirk! He was about 8, a real urchin, and it was entirely inappropriate.

Mummy2Bookie · 21/08/2010 14:28

Artur is a lovely name. I have a dd. If she was a boy her middle name would be Arthur. It's not any of your MIL business.

sorrento56 · 21/08/2010 14:30

Maybe look at other names but if you only want Arthur you should have it. Did you say anything at the time? People felt the need to comment on the names we gave our kids and it really pissed me off. None of their business.

thumbwitch · 21/08/2010 14:41

Threaten to call him Lancelot, or Galahad - even Gawain or Mordred. Arthur will appear in a much nicer light in comparison! (although I quite like Lancelot....)

I would only NOT use a name my parents or PILS didn't like if it was because of some serious negative connotation for them - for e.g. the name of my father's first fiancée who ditched him; my mother's boss who she hated and so on. If they just didn't really like the sound of it, sod it, I'd still use it.

Alfred is nice too...

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