To swear at what I estimate to be a nine or ten year old

[Morellajezebella]

Right mums

let me set the scene for you

I am coming home from work, stop off at local supermarket for supplies. There are a group of four 9/10 year old boys being idiots on the pavement: they are throwing lucozade everywhere, throwing orange and yellow coloured balls (what are these?) all over a tree and on the pavement and climbing on and under people's parked cars. So as I walk past, I say in quite a stern voice "can you stop that please". 3 of the 4 boys stop, but the ringleader walks up to me, comes very very close to me, pats me on the back and says hello and smirks. As I hadn't slowed down to say anything, just turned my head, I keep on walking. I can see over my shoulder that they have now started their vandalistic anti social actions again. Whatever, I think.

As I get back in my car they walk past, the ringleader sees it's me and makes a face. So I turn to him and give him the finger. He stops still for a full five seconds, a look of shock on his face, his mouth is hanging open and his friends are gawping in horror too. Then he regains himself and as I pull away I see him moon me and another one throws something at my car.

So, was I BU to swear at him? I was so angry, and I should point out I am in the throws of some rather severe PMS. But ffs, I sincerely hope all of you (and I'm sure you are) are raising sons who are polite, respectful of adults and of public environments, unlike these idiots. If my ds (who is, granted, younger than these were) was told off by a woman in the street he'd stop what he was doing immediately. The parents should be ashamed of themselves. Normally I'm a very liberal guardian-reader bleeding heart type and not one to go on about the state of yoof today but this has made me so angry.

You were just as bad as them tbh. Not very mature.

hmm..I can see why you were angry..but giving the finger to a group of 9 and 10 year olds is a bit childish isn't it?

Well - I am not sure you were providing a good example there, although I understand you were sorely provoked. Wouldn't it have been better to call the police; given that they were vandalising property and thus breaking the law?

Not the greatest way to model polite, respectful behaviour.

I understand you and would probably have lost my rag as well, but when you swear/are rude at someone (anyone)it does, IMHO, give them carte blanche to do the same to you.

Yes, you were unreasonable.

sorry re reading my post I realise it is not sayig quite what I meant. I meant if you swear at them it gives them a lience to carry on wswearing/be rude to you.

Why didn't you just speak to the supermarket security staff,assuming they have one.

Sticking up your middle finger to a small group of annoying boys is hardly mature of you.You as a parent should be equally ashmed of your abusive behaviour.

and fuck your PMS,it's no excuse.
I'd speak to your gp,you obviously can't control your rage.

I have two sons - 7 and nearly 10. I hope very much neither of them ever behaves in this way, though I could not put my hand on my heart that one of them won't be part of a group that does this sort of thing at least once.

I would expect an adult to talk to them, as you did, and in fact in most cases, I do intervene when this sort of thing is happening with other DCs - including teenagers. In most cases I've had a successful response.

Swearing at them, whilst completely understandable on the spur of the moment, was not v helpful. You do need to retain the moral high ground, and it resulted in an escalation. But I really don't blame you.

I can understand your being annoyed, intimidated, frustrated etc and swearing as a result.

I cannot vouch 100% for not doing that myself if ever sorely provoked.

But I think i would reflect upon the fact that all I had done was show those children that adults can be just as vulgar and childish.

So YAN very U to have done it. YABU to suggest that it may be a sensible thing to do .
I don't think it ever helps to bring yourself down to a childs level when you are trying to teach them a lesson about behaviour

Your were BU to swear at him.

it meant you lost. so yabu.

I would have wanted to though

Yes I can see that swearing is, generally, unreasonable. But having been ignored by them, having had my local area vandalised, my personal space invaded and been patronised by them I felt perfectly justified actually.

When I asked them to stop I was expecting them to actually stop. Assumed it was just bravado because they looked so young and this is in no way a rough area. Was very shocked to actually start feeling intimidated.

Did think about phoning the police but a. would have felt a twonk calling the police and saying a tree was being vandalised b. don't particularly want to get children in trouble with the police, just wanted to let them know that this behaviour is unacceptable and c. Don't know number of local police and didn't want to call 999 in case someone in danger was trying to get through.

I would very, very much like to see any of you put in the situation I was in and "model polite, respecful behaviour". If you read my post you will find the first thing I said was polite and stern and then I walked away after being severely provoked.

I can see you are angry, and it's depressing when something like this happens, but I think you are absolutely right when you say that this was bravado, and childish, so needed to be handled differently.

I have found that the most likely way of getting a desired response is to be firm but polite, not to humiliate. or lower yourself.

A threat to call the police may have sufficed, if they were as young as you think.

I find that as my DSs get older I feel less intimidated by groups of boys and understand there pack mentality a bit more. (I find girls harder to confront, in fact).

I did think about speaking to a shop worker but the shop I was going into was a while away from where these boys were. They were, however, in full view of lots and lots of other shops and being very loud- if none of the shopkeepers had taken it upon themselves to ask them to move on already I sincerely doubt if they would just because I asked them to.

You should of mentioned their behaviour to the supermarket staff who then would of had the option of calling the police or telling them to move away from the store entrance.

I have been jeered at by local teens before,I walked away.I think the majority of adults wouldn't stoop to a childish level of name calling or swearing in response.

It only antagonizes a 'situation'.

You were in a very frustrating situation. These were young kids determined to rile you. It was fine to speak sternly, or to phone the police, but not to make a sweary gesture.

Morellajezebella - why are you asking if you are BU when you have just said you were "perfectly justified"?

their pack mentality ....

Poshwellies I am really very taken aback by your remarks. I do not go around swearing willy-nilly at whomever I feel like and feel that under the circumstances I "controlled my rage" very well, actually. I don't know if you've ever had a stranger really invade your personal space (his face was about 5 inches from mine) and touch you but it does tend to provoke qute a primal instinct.

So I can see I was being U for swearing. Fine, I see everyone's point and I agree not very dignified. But at the time I really felt like it was the quickest way of asserting myself and it did seem to create an impact.

In every situation like this you do a quick risk evaluation and if they had been even a few years older, 12-13+ I wouldn't have said anything out of fear. Was utterly unprepared for the situation to backfire. This is such a safe, lovely neighbourhood normally.

why ask then?

OKAAAAY.

I won't mention what I did/said to 3 11-12yr olds the other day.
I saw them each throw their super sized drinks all over this poor elderly woman then run away laughing.

She was quite shaken up and the rail staff had to take her into their staff area.

I know I can't put the world to rights single handedly but I was hoping that cornering the little shits when they got onto the train and telling them how evil and what nasty little bastards boys they were for soaking that poor lady just may have sunk in and they may think twice about doing it again.
Doubt it though.

I laughed that you did that. I'm such a child.

I am put in the same situation as you almost every working day! Rude teenagers. Teenagers invading my space. Teenagers vandalizing equipment and property and I never, ever swear at them!

I work in a difficult secondary school and yes, it takes every fibre of my body sometimes, to not shout, 'just F off, you little shit!', but obviously I never do!

To OP I mean. I think PrettyVacant is ace for doing that.