To swear at what I estimate to be a nine or ten year old

[Morellajezebella]

Right mums

let me set the scene for you

I am coming home from work, stop off at local supermarket for supplies. There are a group of four 9/10 year old boys being idiots on the pavement: they are throwing lucozade everywhere, throwing orange and yellow coloured balls (what are these?) all over a tree and on the pavement and climbing on and under people's parked cars. So as I walk past, I say in quite a stern voice "can you stop that please". 3 of the 4 boys stop, but the ringleader walks up to me, comes very very close to me, pats me on the back and says hello and smirks. As I hadn't slowed down to say anything, just turned my head, I keep on walking. I can see over my shoulder that they have now started their vandalistic anti social actions again. Whatever, I think.

As I get back in my car they walk past, the ringleader sees it's me and makes a face. So I turn to him and give him the finger. He stops still for a full five seconds, a look of shock on his face, his mouth is hanging open and his friends are gawping in horror too. Then he regains himself and as I pull away I see him moon me and another one throws something at my car.

So, was I BU to swear at him? I was so angry, and I should point out I am in the throws of some rather severe PMS. But ffs, I sincerely hope all of you (and I'm sure you are) are raising sons who are polite, respectful of adults and of public environments, unlike these idiots. If my ds (who is, granted, younger than these were) was told off by a woman in the street he'd stop what he was doing immediately. The parents should be ashamed of themselves. Normally I'm a very liberal guardian-reader bleeding heart type and not one to go on about the state of yoof today but this has made me so angry.

Inches? centimetres

maureenm

You'd probably become they're favourite unemployed teacher if you did !

TBH I laughed when you said you stuck your finger up as I thought you had said f off or c u next tues or something equally insulting.

YABU if you think this was a good way of dealing with the situation but YANBU to have done it

So, OP, I'm guessing you posted in AIBU so that everyone would tell you that you were in no way unreasonable, thus supporting your opinion that you were "perfectly justified"? Oops.

I teach secondary, and used to work in a very tough school in London. I had children swearing at me every day, and invading my personal space (had my finger broken once by a child who grabbed me and bent it back because I had the audacity to ask him to remove his hat in the building - as school rules stated) I never once swore back at them. So yes, I do know how hard it is to model polite and respectful behaviour whilst under duress, but I still think it's both do-able and important.

I think "He stops still for a full five seconds, a look of shock on his face, his mouth is hanging open and his friends are gawping in horror too." say it all - the sudden realisation that actually, they're not untouchable. I can't say YABU or YANBU but I also can't say it doesn't do them good being brought down a peg or to.

"I'd speak to your gp,you obviously can't control your rage." -
She asked them politely to stop as a first resort, then let it go when she saw them continue. It was only after their behaviour was directed at her a second time that she responded, whereas many people would've flipped out long before.

Yes, an example needs to be set, but at the same time chldren need to realise the consequences of their actions and unfortunately, if these kids carry on the way thay are, they're going to end up being put in hospital or worse by someone a lot less restrained than Morellajezebella.

(I think the orange and yellow balls are BB gun pellets by the way!)

It might have created an impact but it didn't achieve anything as they just did something else. Giving the finger just isn't something I would do. I also have tackled young people over their behaviour but if they don't stop I usually just ignore them. I called out to someone who was on his phone while driving and he just yelled fuck off at me. DS told daddy he laughed at mummy when she told him off.[kids]

They were silly little boys imo,they didn't swear or attack you.

Yes, one of them got in your personal space by tapping you and saying hello but I really don't see the need for the middle finger.

I can't see how the situation backfired.You lost your cool and antagonised a mild 'situation'.

If you are that concerned about vandalism you should of call the police to report antisocial behaviour.

Well done prettyvacant!! And I assume you didn't swear at them either only me who does that sort of thing apparently.

to those of you who are asking why I posted in AIBU of I feel "perfectly justified" please remember that this has only just happened, as I calm down I can see, yes not the best way to go about things as I have already admitted. I don't think I'll do it again!

To those of you who work in disadvantaged schools I'm sure you all are put in worse situations everyday but I'm sure (or hope) that you have had training and lots of experience in this sort of thing and are in a professional environment with other trusted colleagues in the next classroom. I was alone, on a street and with no other adult seemingly willing to back me up.

Next time post on Chat if you want to vent.

... sorry that sounded a bit curt. I just meant from experience that it can backfire to post on AIBU when you are already riled because people YABUing you can make you more riled and force you into a defensive position. And so on

Ummm, they are 9/10 year old children and you want a pat on the back for giving them the finger and 'standing up to them'?

Yes you are being unreasonable.

you couldn't help what you did, it was instinctual. You felt threatened and were unsure what might happen next and instinctively thought that your action would prevent it. I would personally not get involved again, you were lucky to have got off so lightly. Situations like this can spiral out of control very quickly. Looking back on ot, doing what you did was wrong for your sake and safety, because it could have escalated very easily.

You did what came naturally, but next time you will know not to get involved again.

YANBU!!

I lived on estate where these sort of kids ruled the street. Telling security staff?? fat lot of good they do! they are just there to protect the goods not a customer who has left the shop.

I have stood up to teens and pulled them up on there bad behaviour including giving a finger or two. I still see them about and they are more than polite to me now

I don't see the problem in the middle finger.. although I'd have preferred two (we are British after all ;) )

YANBU

I can understand why you gave them the finger, but the problem is it forces them to raise their game and do something even more vile to maintain their macho bravado.

It is hard to stay polite and civil, but you lowered yourself to their level. They won't have learned anything about their behaviour and if anything giving them the finger made them worse.

YANBU, I once drove in reverse at a bunch of kids who pelted my car with snowballs and i once pushed another kid on his arse in the park for being cheeky, he was making a gun shape with his hand and shouting bang bang bitch your dead, but then im quick tempered and i think walking by and saying or doing nothing means they just carry on being little shits with other peopple

They were playing under cars? Should be a self sorting problem, evolution is a fine thing.

YANBU to stand up to them but perhaps the finger wasn't the best thing to do. These kids probably get sworn at every day by their parents so being sworn at by a stranger probably won't have much long term impact. But I'd definately have confronted them - bearing the brunt of this type of feral behaviour is awful.

I wouldn't confront them. If you were a 6'4'' man, they might be frightened and listen, but you probably won't be able to scare them. By confronting them you are challenging them, and as Mowgli said, it will force the leader to up the ante in order to maintain his macho reputation. It is not worth being a have-a-go hero.

9 year old is a child - a mere child

adults don't swear at children

you should be ashamed

I once flipped the bird at a kid I teach.

He was being a PITA in a lesson, & I'd given him a detention for the next day. Later that afternoon, I was on bus duty. As this boy got on his bus, he decided to pull faces & mouth rude words at me - & in a thoughtless moment I'm afraid I stuck a middle finger up at him...

...then realised ('wtf am I doing?') mid-gesture, & turned it into a sort of Queen Mum-style wave.

He knew, though. I still have a private little grin to myself when I remember his look of total shock.

Anyway. Yes, OP, totally unreasonable. Tsk tsk.

Seriously, I can completely understand the reaction. Can't see the police being very interested, so unless you're going to get out of the car & give them an almighty telling-off (& some people would frankly be too intimidated to try that one), then that leaves - ignoring their behaviour.

Which might be the sensible response, but I'd be pretty damn frustrated & annoyed too.

sorry OP, while I understand you felt provoked, your reaction only undermines your position. To make your point, you need to maintain the upper hand and all you did was lower yourself to their level.

claig I think it's a shame that you think people shouldn't confront young people about anti-social behaviour. In many cases, (especially in safe and 'nice' areas like the OP mentions) the parents of such youngsters would support other adults challenging bad behaviour in their young (I know I would). The other alternative is young people whose parents couldn't give a monkey's what they get up to...and in that case there is even more reason to try to be a good role model.

I don't agree that it's about trying to be a 'have-a-go-hero'; it's just about looking out for your community and the people in it; including the youngsters themselves.

Granted, if a young person was waving a weapon about and looked to be very dangerous, I wouldn't confront them, of course, I would phone the police instead.

But if they are just being a bit of an arse in public, then I think it's right to have a word. I am a secondary teacher but have never been able to 'scare' the children I teach. Big, booming male teachers can be good at that but I'm too short and smiley to make that impression on youngsters so I have always tended to rely on negotiation and discussion to try to manage children's behaviour. I think the OP's situation could have benefitted from an interested and slightly incredulous: 'What on earth do you think you're doing?' Or 'I wonder what your mum would think if she saw you doing that' or 'I think it would be good if you could consider the impact of your behaviour on other people' etc... That sort of approach doesn't work with all youngsters, obviously, but it can be effective.

Don't get me wrong, teenagers and young people can really hit a nerve with their behaviour and attitude but getting stroppy with them often just gives them extra ammunition!

Definitely unreasonable. I would have done it too though.

imo can't say I blame you,
I have been harrased by a 9 year old(she is now 13) it is a nightmare, I don't see them a nice little children any more.