To swear at what I estimate to be a nine or ten year old

[Morellajezebella]

Right mums

let me set the scene for you

I am coming home from work, stop off at local supermarket for supplies. There are a group of four 9/10 year old boys being idiots on the pavement: they are throwing lucozade everywhere, throwing orange and yellow coloured balls (what are these?) all over a tree and on the pavement and climbing on and under people's parked cars. So as I walk past, I say in quite a stern voice "can you stop that please". 3 of the 4 boys stop, but the ringleader walks up to me, comes very very close to me, pats me on the back and says hello and smirks. As I hadn't slowed down to say anything, just turned my head, I keep on walking. I can see over my shoulder that they have now started their vandalistic anti social actions again. Whatever, I think.

As I get back in my car they walk past, the ringleader sees it's me and makes a face. So I turn to him and give him the finger. He stops still for a full five seconds, a look of shock on his face, his mouth is hanging open and his friends are gawping in horror too. Then he regains himself and as I pull away I see him moon me and another one throws something at my car.

So, was I BU to swear at him? I was so angry, and I should point out I am in the throws of some rather severe PMS. But ffs, I sincerely hope all of you (and I'm sure you are) are raising sons who are polite, respectful of adults and of public environments, unlike these idiots. If my ds (who is, granted, younger than these were) was told off by a woman in the street he'd stop what he was doing immediately. The parents should be ashamed of themselves. Normally I'm a very liberal guardian-reader bleeding heart type and not one to go on about the state of yoof today but this has made me so angry.

the OP says that she is a bleeding-heart liberal Guardian reader. I think she saw today what the real world is like. Kids who jump on cars and who throw BB gun pellets about, are not going to listen to someone trying to tell them off. They threw something at her car. They could quite possibly have thrown a stone and hit her on the head. She had a lucky escape.

He 'patted you on the back'?
That is assault.
YADNBU.

Back, head, whatever. He had no right t touch you anywhere.

People are reacting as if she slapped him! YANBU! When you said you swore at him, I imagined you stopped the car and told him to fuck off!

People need to stand up to anti-social behaviour. 9-10 year olds? Where the fuck were their parents?

"Where the fuck were their parents?"

probably selling drugs or burgling someone's house

Sorry claig but that is a completely ridiculous and unfounded judgement, IMO.

I grew up in a small (and very middle class) town where there was f*ck all for young people to do. Both my brother and my husband (and many of our friends) got up to the odd misdemeanour when they were youngsters. An occasional bit of vandalism; the odd shoplifting incident; a bit of being mouthy and cheeky to members of the public. Luckily, their (professional, non drug-selling, non-burgling) parents usually found out about their misdemeanours and bollocked them accordingly. We were fotunate enough to live in a community where people grassed on each others kids when they misbehaved in public. Those boys grew up to be really lovely blokes who are hard-working, law-abiding and loyal to their loved ones.

The boys mentioned in the OP were behaving like arseholes but they were hardly raising hell.
-Throwing a soft drink around
-Throwing some balls around
-Climbing on cars

= really bloody irritating and stupid but probably only the modern-day equivalent of scrumping for apples.

And no, children might not want to listen to someone who is trying to 'tell them off' but they might listen to someone who wants to have a conversation with them. They're not aliens FGS.

I was trying to inject a bit of humour into the situation. I wasn't being serious.

"children might not want to listen to someone who is trying to 'tell them off' but they might listen to someone who wants to have a conversation with them"

they didn't enter into a fruitful conversation with the OP, instead their reply was mooning.

If you want to enter into a conversation with them, then good luck. I just think that it is important to emphasise what can happen if the conversation turns nasty.

Every sympathy op, what a rubbish situation to be in.
Easy with hindsight/distance, to the one who touched you "touch me again and I'll have you done for assault" Him, "you can't touch me, I'm a kid, etc" You " Didn't you know the law has changed, poor you etc" All rubbish of course, but they are not to know that.
Hope you feel a bit better now.

I think this was a bit of a missed opportunity. The OP's first challenge was actually pretty effective. Three of the children stopped after all. However walking on whilst the other kid was being challenging really let him know that he had "won" any confrontation, and probably gave him quite a bit of kudos with his friends. She needed to follow throguh on the spot preferably with a good adult put down.

Giving him the finger just wasn't terribly effective, as the OP was leaving the scene - it's rather like my children slamming the door when they've been told off, bravado and nothing more. Yes they might have been a bit shocked, but I bet they laughed afterward.

Having said that I'm sure we have all been in situations where in retrospect we might think that there were better ways to handle it (I know I have anyway) and if you don't get the reaction you expect it can be difficult to know what to do next.

There again I have an 11 year old boy and so don't think that 9/10 year olds are (in general) that scary (plus I'm tall so probably slightly harder to intimidate) mostly they are full of silliness and need to have their bravado squished. A bit older and I'd be steering clear sadly.

Ahhhh, I see Claig! {dense emoticon} :)

I think it could have been possible to have a conversation with them if one stopped to talk to them rather than saying something 'stern' while walking past.

Some thought-provoking posts.

I live in inner London, an very mixed area with problems of gangs, knife and gun crime. There are certainly situations, with older DC where I would not directly intervene, but on the whole I agree with Olifin and nooka.

And I agree that 9/10 year olds aren't that scary. No doubt I would have found them so when my DCs were younger (and the leader does sound like a bit of a hard-nut - which is why he's the leader.....) but still, this was an opportunity.

However, I lost my rag with some teenage girls once who were throwing kebabs all over the place on the way to school, and I picked up one of the boxes and put it in the leader's hood. Got called a bitch and made myself look very childish as a result