fucking bridezillas!!!!

[JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns]

bear with me i have two of the farking monsters so there is two stories.

FIRST,
my closest friends, the dcs god parents and legal gardians should anything happen to me and dp, are getting married this september, my ds age 36mnths and dd 20mnths are page boy and bridesmaid.

After asking me to pay for a £300 dress for dd and pay for ds suit hire, i said NO, we are in financial strife as it is, i dont really care if they are in the wedding party dont include them if you cant afford it, dd was brought a lovely debanhams dress which no matter what we cant get on her, she screams and crys and gets exceptionally distressed, DS reacted the same at being measured in the tailors.

Bride expects me to drop my two toddlers at her house on the day and leave them with complete strangers except her to be dressed and got ready for 4hours, shes already expressed ''she will fucking wear it if i have to glue it too her'' about dds awful huge flower headband, and ds is so painfully shy i doubt well get him through the door,

BUT heres the best bit.

She wants our children to go in the wedding car on someones lap, again a stranger to us and the children, for a 35minute drive on a motorway then country lanes.

she is trying to convince us its not against the law in a wedding car.

either way it aint happening, i have carseats for a reason.

SECOND.

SIL is getting married next year, we live 2hrs drive (on a good day) away from my ils, and the cermony is no children, despite having her own, BUT they want the kids there for the reception and photos, they are insisting, we have no one who can have the kids in the area of the wedding so shes said there is a two hour gap between that we can go and get them, a 4hr drive, then at the end 2hrs home, hotels are out of the question and family cant put us up. So 8hrs driving in one day, and god knows how much fuel, i asked dp to go on his own but thats how most occasions end up and hes pissed off.

I am just so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh that they are so farking unreasonable, or am i?

i'd be feigning a bump on the head, familial amnesia, (highly contagious, i've heard) and book a holiday... Somewhere remote and distant!

Definitely reconsider legal guardianship and in each case tell them in uncertain terms that your DCs are not dolls!

Sometimes I wonder whether some wedding couples are deliberately making sure no-one else has a fun day except them

Feck em all off and go on hols :)

personally I wouldn't take DCs to the reception either. I would feel they are only invited so that they can look cute in the pictures. They are not trophies, and I wouldn't volunteer them to be there just because the bride wants nice photos.

Bloody hell!!

Your friend is being totally stupid. Does she really think a 3 year old is going to sit nicely whilst getting ready for 4 hours, walk nicely down the isle in something she really doesn't want to wear? I take it she doesn't have children?

The car thing! On a motorway! Not a chance in hell would I let anyone do this. I'm glad you said no to the £300 too. If someone wants people to be bridesmaids etc then they should pay for the outfits. I certainly did, except for my youngest sister as my dad offered to pay.

Tell her either you get them ready at home and bring them to the church or where ever it is or they aren't in the wedding, end of.

You SIL, FFS, she expects you do do 2 round trips just because she wants children in the photos and reception! I would tell her where to go. Either you can bring the children in the morning or your DH goes alone. Tough if he is pissed off about it.

YADNBU on both stories.

Oh for the days you got married at the local church/registry office and then had a knees up at a local hall kids and all with a home produced buffet. Can't understand the big fuss about "the my big day". Sign of the times and peoples sense of self importance I guess.

I hope my children are sensible enough to spend the money on a deposit for a house or start a university fund and go abroad or do something similar. Hopefully too they will also feel special for the whole of their marriage's rather than just 1 day.

Lets hope the recession ends the cult of the Bridezilla. Spoilt little madams!

Do you need to pay for hotel accommodation though? If you were going to drive down in the morning anyway just do that with the frien(preferably friend in own car). Then leave the kids with her for a couple of hours somewhere nearish to the venue (ie soft play, cinema, park.....) and once the ceremony is over go pick up the kids and your friend can head home if your SIL won't let her come along. It is a big enough ask of a friend but thats what friends do for each other. I would do it for my friends.
I think if it is important to your DP to try and accommadate his sister than you should make an effort, especially if you do get on with her. Don't let your feelings about other ILs impact how you handle your SILs wedding. If you do fall out with your friend (unlikely in my opinion) and there is really no other people who can help you out this way then there is nothing you can do but let your DP go alone (as persumably there will be noone to mind the kids at home either?). But explore every reasonable option before doing this as it si obviously important to him that you are there.

My DD was a flower girl, we just met them at the church, end of! I ended up holding her hand to walk down the aisle anyway! Ask your friend is she really going to look after them play with them, change nappies/take them to the loo etc for 4 hours on the morning of her wedding day? She is mad.

Your SIL is nuts - either kids all day, or no kids at all - are other people having to do the same? Agree with all of you just going to reception - surely your inlaws must object to their GC being treated like this? can they say something?

I can certainly understand anyone wanting those gorgeous children as part of wedding party but YANBU at all-they are just to young.Who would change a nappy or deal with a toilet 'accident' if necessary.I would insist they travel with you and you sit at the end of a pew near the front where they can see you and you can grab them if they seem distressed.

JJandtheBean, this may not help you directly (I assume you don't want to completely alienate your SIL), but I was intrigued by another poster's comment about the law relating to marriages in England, so checked out the Marriage Act 1949.

S44 covers marriages in registered buildings (ie a civil ceremony not in a register office), which says: '...a marriage solemnized in a registered building shall be solemnized with open doors in the presence of two or more witnesses...'.

The provisions for register offices in s45 also repeat the open door requirements, i.e that wedding ceremonies are public affairs. Churches weddings are similarly open to the public.

So, legally, no bride or groom has the right to 'uninvite' anybody from attending a wedding (of course, polite requests from 'friends' are a different beast entirely, alas). And 'no children' rules for a ceremony venue will also be illegal.

Tell that to the bridezillas!

Take the kids to SIL's. What is she going to do about it? Turn around in the middle of the ceremony and ask you to throw them out? If she does, she will be the one that looks like a tit.

As for number one, of course do not subject children to this!!
Although, serve her right if you did!! Ha ha ha!!
imagines jj chilling with glass of wine looking all zoned out while bride arrives all flustered and covered in snot etc after being trapped in what is effectively mobile prison with 2 screaming children aboard

Some women are just mental and give the rest of us a very bad name.

bride #1 I would let off as clearly she simply has no idea about children.

Bride #2 however is an utter loon if she thinks driving 2 hours to pick up children she doesn't want at the wedding is acceptable.

YADNU. They both sound mental.

what a wierd venue to choose for your wedding if you want children at the reception and in the pictures. Doesn't she want her own children to see her married? Or are they older?

Gosh, YANBU at all. Both are nuts, but number 1 takes the biscuit I think. Has she even looked after them for 4 hours before? I think she'll be in for a big suprise if she thinks they'll just sit there being all adorable and compliant for 4 hours while they dress them up! (Your DCs are totally adorable BTW but you know what I mean).

Everyone is right, the first bride-to-be is bonkers. Children three and under can't be left on their own for hours, dressed by strangers, sat apart from their mum/dad in the church. Imagine if they turn round and see you! I would stop this nonsense now, and actually take them out of their formal roles, just say they are too young, will spoil it for her and are going through a tantrum phase, and you've had to reconsider. She'll be pissed off, but not as pissed off as if they really do spend seven hours or more with her on her wedding day. You are the mum, it will be distressing for them, mine would have been hysterical at that age to be parted from me (a 20 month old and a shy three year old FGS). You have to stand up for them and say no (unless bride agrees to you basically being there with them all the time and that they may only participate in bits of the day and not on demand).

in respect to the sil wedding.

EVERYONE attending lives in leicestershire, me dp and the sprogs live in suffolk (i am evil outlaw who stole dp from his home town)

i am going to out right beg my friend to help me out, we have a big car so she wouldnt have to use her fuel if she didnt want to, or well offer her cash, id rather pay her than hotel, and alot more fuel in our beast of a car to her wee run around. just gotta get her and dp to agree.

however we do have one slight issue, i got a faint line on a hpt this morning, meaning if it is a bfp i could be delivering on or around the date of sils wedding.

me thinks all signs point to a no go.

as for friends, well, dp is dealing with her and good luck to him, if it goes badly wrong i shall back away and point at him alot ds has to go and have his suit checked in a week, i have decided to 'man up' and tell bossy tailor i will dress him and could she please fark off and direct from afar, can i do that?

also i very pleased ianbu, i was expecting a few, well it is her day and so on.

junk sils child will be 11mnths old, we are told he will be there, then he wont, i have no idea.

gaga shes had the kids on many occasions, she often takes them on days out, looked after ds when dd was born, has generally been around, so she knows them well, especially ds shy and basically unco-operative attitude, for example she took them to the beach and one of the kiddie rides took pictures, they are priceless because she told him to smile he obviously did the oposite.

Oooh, fingers crossed, JJandtheBean!

BTW, YANBU.

Don't go to either wedding with these stupid people

Congrats JJandtheBean thats brilliant news. Of course it means it will be very hard to go if you are so near due date but what can you do? Its a long way when you are so far gone plus very far from your hospital etc if you wnet into labour......not to worry. Get the impression you are not too bothered to miss it anyway!!

bluefergie

ive been told by the consultant who delivered dd any further pregnancys would have to be elcs, so no way can i drive and i wont hurry out of hosp to relieve dp of the dcs, plus i think id kill him if he considered leaving me with my insane lovely dcs and a newborn.

am i a terrible person

I don't know why anyone in their right mind would want two upset littleys without mum for four hours while they got ready?!. whats her reason for not having you thereto look after them while she gets ready? I'd find that really rude.
I'm getting married next weekend and my mum is going to pop over to my house and look after my childen so I can have an hour to get ready in peace without 'muuum I can't find my dvd/tights/hamster ect ect' every 5 minutes, and they are 7 and 10! sounds like she hasn't thought it through at all!

The whole 4hr thing is ridiculous.

Surely you get the children ready at the last possible moment & to the venue ASAP!

I'm wondering if you could arrange a practice session for Bridezilla no.1. Arrange an afternoon where she baby sits your children from a few hours, so that they can 'get used to each other'.
Afterwards, ask her seriously if she thinks she will be able to give your DCs the care and attention they need (as little more than babies) while also trying to enjoy and prepare for her big day.
THEN suggest one of the compromises suggested by other posters. Hopefully she will eagerly accept it, and may even come to think it is her own idea. Face saved and friendship preserved hurrah.

Are there no local softplay areas or similar that you could disappear to with the DCs before going to SILs wedding? Overexcited/exhausted toddlers should enhance the reception wonderfully.

ds is the only boy in the tree ring circus of a wedding party, they have EIGHT bridesmaids! and theres going to be 5 other women on top of that, i have no idea why i cant go there, but tbh its a sore point as she kept the moh a secret knowing i would be hurt since we are very close and im not included, i wasnt bothered really, im shy and being looked at would scare me alot, but moh is some divvy cow whos a fair weather friend, but offered to buy her dress before being asked to be moh. its all about money tbf.

i think shes got it into her head them all getting ready together and it being 'nice'