Am I unreasonable to be feeling violated by this

[shockingmorning]

Have (hopefully) name changed for this as I dont really want to risk people in reall life knowing who I am!Also a little embarrassing but would like opinions before I do something I may regret, I will try to make the story as simple as I can without waffling.

I have a 3 week old baby who is the youngest of four. I am breastfeeding her, my husband has asked a few times if he could "try" I said no as I find it wierd. I woke up this morning because my husband was trying anyway while I was asleep.

A a background we have been together 10 years but are both still mid twenties (got together young) and our relationship in my opinion is strianed although he doesnt seem to think so. We dont spend time together as he is either with his family or working (he works from home so he works all evening and night)BUT we dont have arguments, he is generally nice and an ok father.

Am I unreasonable to feel really upset and violated by this because he is acting as though I am being totally insane and I am not sure if I am or not.:(

Christ to wait until she is asleep so he can sneakily perform an act on her body that she has explicitly refused

it turns my stomach actually

OP You said in a much earlier post that this confirmed you that you didn't trust him.

Why don't you trust him?

..or have I misunderstood your post?

Remeber there is two issues

a) and adult doing something designed by nature for babies - which a lot of people find strange etc but others have the fetish thing

b) he did this without your consent/trust issues

I hope you can talk - sounds like he gone into his man hole to save face he blaming you cos he got caught.

HTH (())

Irrespective of what it was - you said 'No'. He then thought he'd do it while you were asleep and at your most vulnerable - deplorable behaviour. His reaction now though is even more telling. Added to the other things you said, I would say you have some serious talking to do...

The fact that he has asked a few times is a bit off too.
No means no. If you had wanted to change your mind, I assume he would have been told.

As ChippingIn says what he wanted to do is irrelevant, you said No he went ahead and did it any way, that is assault. It is your body, it doesn't belong to him, he can't do what he likes with it.

I just can't get my head around how he thought this would be acceptable, DH just wouldn't not just because I would lose my nut but because he just wouldn't.

you said no!

I like the vibrator up the backside idea.

oh dear, it's terrible, no YANBU
agree with others that it's no problem for him to try breastmilk if you were happy about it - but you said no
god it's appalling, so sleazy and dishonest to wait until you were asleep
the lack of respect for your body is horrible

Shockingmorning - are you ok? Hope you're coping OK and your H has apologised by now.

I came back as this has been bothering me all day.

I'm so glad it wasn't just me, I don't much care if people want to paint the soles of their feet yellow as a private turn on between couples but it's the disregard that bothers me, WTF is he doing bothering her with anything if she gave birth 3 weeks ago

OP I hope he's firmly sleeping in the fecking tool shed and you've got a friend around to talk to, I really liked the idea mentioned about telling your friends in front of him too esp the bit about waking you up. Mabye tell it as a funny story at the next family gathering....show him how light hearted you are about it and see how 'silly' he thinks it is then - at the very least ask him how he would feel if you did...

By the way, you need to name change back because clearly no one here thinks YOU have anything to be ashamed of.