Am I unreasonable to be feeling violated by this

[shockingmorning]

Have (hopefully) name changed for this as I dont really want to risk people in reall life knowing who I am!Also a little embarrassing but would like opinions before I do something I may regret, I will try to make the story as simple as I can without waffling.

I have a 3 week old baby who is the youngest of four. I am breastfeeding her, my husband has asked a few times if he could "try" I said no as I find it wierd. I woke up this morning because my husband was trying anyway while I was asleep.

A a background we have been together 10 years but are both still mid twenties (got together young) and our relationship in my opinion is strianed although he doesnt seem to think so. We dont spend time together as he is either with his family or working (he works from home so he works all evening and night)BUT we dont have arguments, he is generally nice and an ok father.

Am I unreasonable to feel really upset and violated by this because he is acting as though I am being totally insane and I am not sure if I am or not.:(

YANBU to feel violated - he is a twat!

If he is in a mood with you he is being an even bigger twat. Dont back down to him.

OK, even if he was doing it because he thought you would wakeup and enjoy it then, if you woke up and were angry with him then he shuold be mortified, not ignoring you and making out it's somehow your fault.

Your body does not belong to him to do what he likes with. He has no rights over it, and it seems like he thinks that he does, and that his rights to use your body are more important that whether you want him to or not. That's really not good.

There is no problem with him asking, but you said no so he should have respected your wishes.

For those of you suggesting that a man wanting to try a breast full of milk, consider this. Breasts are a mans favourite thing in the world(Even more so than Football or Sex) so a breast full of milk would be even better. I can see why he would ask. But that in no way condones his behaviour.

YANBU you said no and he did it anyway.

You have been violated by the one person who should make you feel safe.

Agree some serious words are required here.

This is disgusting. He asked (odd anyway but each to their own), you said no and as your DH, he should totally respect your wishes, not do it anyway when you are asleep. YANBU to feel violated.

I don't shout out 'leave him' but if you can't trust him I would be having some serious thoughts with regards to my relationship also going from other little comments to have made. "generally nice" and "an ok father" Those little statements say to me that you are not completely happy/satisfied with your relationship.

That is really terrible. I feel upset on your behalf. I hope you can convey to him what a violation of trust this is. I hope it's a blip and not part of a larger picture.

OMG I am shocked for you. Nothing more to add than what others have said. He asked (weird IMHO). You said no.

:(

Totally disgusting.

YANBU

It doesn't matter what the act is - if he asks and you say "no", then it means "no". Going ahead when you are asleep and unable to refuse him is horrible. :(

YANBU

Feel really sad for you :( You shouldn't have to worry about your DH doing something you don't want him to while you're sleeping. It's vile.

Are you okay?

Horrible, YADNBU, if my DH did that to me, he would find himself clutching his groin. Your DH has shown a complete lack of respect to you.

Try what Lucky said, report his reaction please.

Very publicly tell everyone you know what he has done - then see how he gets on minimizing it when everyone is looking at him like the sick monkey he is!

He knows how wrong it is, thats why he's now in a hump. YANBU.

And while you're at it, tell him that your feelings are NOT silly.

Am that he's not speaking to you as if he is the victim here!

100% YANBU!!!!!

Christ, he'd have had one less bollock than he started with if this had happened to me. YANBU.

Erm, no, you are most definitely not being unreasonable!

I don't like it when DD (nearly 14 months) tries to get at them without being offered, but for a man to do it in your sleep! Proper violation.

Consider this. If someone has sex with you in your sleep it is rape.

You have to make it clear to him that you feel violated, this is not a laughing matter, you are not being silly and you won't have it. Perhaps tell his mother/sister/female friend when he's in the room and see what their reaction is.

My DH tried to have sex with me when I was asleep once (not in a rapey way, just wanted me to wake up IYSWIM) but I was horrified. His friends were all staying over so I told him at breakfast, in front of them, that I felt violated. Never again has any such thing happened, he was so mortified!

Good luck. BTW he sounds like a tosser. Please don't let him make you feel bad for standing up for yourself, you are not in the wrong here.

nomorebooze I was highlighting the fact that surely no-one could possibly think she was being unreasonable.

YANBU marriages are based on trust and respect. i do hope he sees sense and sends you a whole shop full of flowers with his apology. i would like to think he is at least embarrassed by his actions.

he has absolutely violated you.

you told him that you didn't want to do something and he did it while you were sleeping!!! bang out of order i would have serious issues with him even being in the same bed as me again.

Your husband is an utter arse

I hope you're okay.

Creepy.

That is all I have to say about this.

It is fine that he wanted to try, but you said "No" so that should have been that.

YANBU, if I told DH No to something and he tried it anyway while I was asleep he would be looking for his teeth.