Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this patronizing jobsworth was also being sexist?

80 replies

JaneS · 17/08/2010 20:16

I went into the bank today with DH to set up a joint account in our married name (since people keep writing cheques to Mr and Mrs). I've banked with this place for years so they have me on the system, but this guy said he needed ID, specifically my passport. I explained I wasn't changing my name in my professional life, so my passport was staying in my name. He said we couldn't do this. I asked if it wasn't quite common for women not to change their names on marriage, and he claimed that it was very rare, and impossible to set up a joint account unless I had changed my name 'legally, on your passport'.

Then he grudgingly admitted we could have a joint account in my 'maiden' name and DH's name if we really wanted, but it would have to be DH's account with me added on as a 'second account holder'. Now WTF?!

We went to Halifax straight after and they had no trouble, told us it was routine and they'd set us up an account in both our names that listed me both as Ms DH'sName, and as Ms LittleRedDragon.

Now AIBU to wonder if the first (male) banker wasn't being a tad sexist, given the second person had no trouble sorting us out?

OP posts:
blueberrysmoothie · 17/08/2010 20:21

Sounds like it to me! I would write to the bank and express your regret at having to take your business elsewhere and explain why.

CocoPopsAddict · 17/08/2010 20:25

I doubt he has a vendetta against women who refuse to change their names upon marriage.

More likely he was just clueless and erring on the side of caution. Or was hungover and couldn't be bothered.

Anyway, they deserved to lose your business.

Original poster
JaneS · 17/08/2010 20:27

I didn't imagine he had a vendetta - I just felt angry that he clearly thought that sort of sexist attitude was perfectly acceptable and not likely to cause offense (and, obviously, he was wrong).

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/08/2010 20:29

yes he waas being sexist
we used to have a joint account with me as the main person and DH as the hanger on - worked out that way because it was my account first iyswim.
But he decided it would have to be your DH's account.

Marjee · 17/08/2010 20:31

Thats ridiculous! I changed my name when I got married but kept my passport in my maiden name (it still had 9 years on it and would cost the same as a new passport to change)! The bank were fine with that, I took my marriage certificate in and they changed my name on both accounts, no problem.

booyhoo · 17/08/2010 20:31

he sounds like an arsehole. i worked with a woman like that (also in a bank, wonder if there is a link there?). she only needed to look at someone and decide she wsn't going to help them. no justification for it at all. she was horrible, none of the staff or customers liked her but she did make life hard when she wanted to, for everyone.

chibi · 17/08/2010 20:33

rubbish

we have a joint account (dh hisname me myname)

there was no problem in setting it up, it is fully joint, not 'his' with me tacked on as some little afterthought

i will admit to a big stanking hateon for the halifax for completely unrelated reasons but will testify to their customer service lacking in well, service - hence they now lack me as a customer :)

StealthPolarBear · 17/08/2010 20:36

I think the problem is that teh OP didn't want Mr HisName and Ms Hername (as is on her passport), she wanted Mr HisName and Mrs HisName, which she has no ID for - is that right OP?
SO I can kind of see where he was coming from, but he was an arse!

EdgarAllenPop · 17/08/2010 20:36

a friend of mine from work had sth similar - he was opening a new account (a condition of working for he bank - you have to ge paid into one of their bank accounts) in his and his (male) other halfs name...

he was asked 'Is that your housemate?'

I mean, wasn't it bloody obvious they are a couple?

booyhoo · 17/08/2010 20:41

edgarallen, was it really a condition of him beig employed by the bank? i didn't think that was legal to insist employes had salary paid into the employers bank? when i took my job it was stressed that tehy would very much prefer me to have my salary paid into one of their accounts but that they couldn't insist. i wouldn't do it. i didn't want my employer having access to my money like that. i am

prozacfairy · 17/08/2010 20:45

Eh?! Confused Me and DD's dad set up a joint account when I first got pregnant so we could pool our money together to buy stuff for her and pay all the bills. There was no issue at all setting it up. There was loads of issues when my ex ran up huge amounts of debt with the joint account but that's a whole other AIBU.

Hope you inform the bank of the outdated tosser they have working for them.

EdgarAllenPop · 17/08/2010 20:53

I think they would insist, though AFAIAA it is standard practice and the access to your finances is exactly so they can be sure you are solvent. though i still run everything from another acct anyway...

cupcakesandbunting · 17/08/2010 20:55

YANBU. My DH and I had a joint account before we were married. he's talking bullshit.

Can I share a sexist story with you? ThanksGrin

DH and I decided to replace our rickety old windows with double glazing earlier this year, so got a few companies out to give us quotes. The first was with a well-known double glazing company and the appointment was during the afternoon, whilst DH was working...

Soooo, smarmy bloke in cheap suit turns up and tells me how he likes his tea before I even offer, so back is up already. So after I make his tea, he has made no progress on measuring up. I ask him where he wants to measure first and he asks if my husband is on his way home from work. I tell him that no, DH will not be home until the evening, then he spins some BS about his company have a policy whereby they will not quote without both partners present Hmm I asked why not and he said "well, if I give you all the information now you'll only forget it. best that I do it when your DH is home. I can come back later." I told him that women, this one included, do have capacities for retaining information.

He did this awkward little chuckle then tried to make small-talk with me about where my husband worked etc etc but I simply asked him just to measure the god damn windows and he went "I bet you don't even know the name of the windows that you want!" Erm yeah, sash windows. I want six sash windows, preferably box. "and how many openings do you want?" Well, don't sash windows usually just have one? Hmm "That's not a sash window" At this point I had to take him outside to show him other houses on the street with sash windows. "Oh we don;t do those" So you're wasting my time. Bye.

Needless to say, when the company gave me a follow-up call, I told them what I thought of their sexist salesman, a window salesman who didn't know what a fucking sash window was. I hope I got him bollocked Grin

thisisyesterday · 17/08/2010 20:57

twat. i have a joint account with dp and we aren't even married let alone have the same name!

what bank was it??

BarmyArmy · 17/08/2010 20:58

I love the passion with which women seek to retain a male surname, namely that of their Father.

EdgarAllenPop · 17/08/2010 20:58

anyway... surely legally your marriage cert is all you need to take to make changes like that (all our mortgage company, bank, driving licence etc have asked for)

my passport is still in my maiden name too - £60 for that?

booyhoo · 17/08/2010 20:59

Shock cupcakes, you were better than i would have been. i wouldn't have made the tea. how rude.

EdgarAllenPop · 17/08/2010 21:00

barmy if it is that name you are known for professionally, there is a value in keeping it. my sister has 27 publications in her maiden name! she wants to keep that record...

booyhoo · 17/08/2010 21:01

er, barmy, my dcs have my surname, a female name, their mother's name. how naive of you to assume that all women are given their father's name at birth.

prozacfairy · 17/08/2010 21:03

BarmyArmy- funny you should mention that- and yours is a point I hadn't ever considered- but I want to ditch my own surname (my dad's) by deedpoll to piss off my dad so me and DD can have the same surname. Yes, it's her dad's but I can live with that.

BarmyArmy · 17/08/2010 21:06

booyhoo - their mother's name? You mean her Father's name.

prozacfairy - I do think children having the same surname as their parents is helpful in the long run.

cupcakesandbunting · 17/08/2010 21:11

"prozacfairy - I do think children having the same surname as their parents is helpful in the long run."

Hmm
FakePlasticTrees · 17/08/2010 21:12

we had a joint account before being married, was more hassle to change the name on it to my married name than to set it up in the first place...

(And my DH also works for a bank and they insist on paying wages into a bank account from that bank)

booyhoo · 17/08/2010 21:12

in some cases yes, in some cases no. i know of families where for generations the children have had their mothers' names given to them at birth. but this of course won't be good enough for you as you like to wind people up and that was your intention on this thread so i shall ignore you from now on.

cupcakesandbunting · 17/08/2010 21:14

I had the same name as my father. My mum nad dad divorced so mum went back to her maiden name. Then she moved in with my stepdad but never married. My half-brother then came along and had my stepdad's surname.

How fucked up we all are.

But then BarmyArmy thinks that gollywogs aren't racist so she's obviously living in Daily Mail universe. Weirdo.