to think this patronizing jobsworth was also being sexist?

[JaneS]

I went into the bank today with DH to set up a joint account in our married name (since people keep writing cheques to Mr and Mrs). I've banked with this place for years so they have me on the system, but this guy said he needed ID, specifically my passport. I explained I wasn't changing my name in my professional life, so my passport was staying in my name. He said we couldn't do this. I asked if it wasn't quite common for women not to change their names on marriage, and he claimed that it was very rare, and impossible to set up a joint account unless I had changed my name 'legally, on your passport'.

Then he grudgingly admitted we could have a joint account in my 'maiden' name and DH's name if we really wanted, but it would have to be DH's account with me added on as a 'second account holder'. Now WTF?!

We went to Halifax straight after and they had no trouble, told us it was routine and they'd set us up an account in both our names that listed me both as Ms DH'sName, and as Ms LittleRedDragon.

Now AIBU to wonder if the first (male) banker wasn't being a tad sexist, given the second person had no trouble sorting us out?

cupcakes, I would have gone ballistic!

Stealth - but I do have ID for Mrs HisName - my marriage certificate! That's the ID you'd use to get any further ID, such as a passport, in his name. And we did explain this.

Barmy - yes, but in my case it is

1. the name I'm known by in my line of work.
2. English, and consistently spelt in English, whereas DH's is Russian and therefore inconsistently transliterated (so DH ends up with one spelling on his passport and another on his bank account - you can see why I want to avoid that hassle!)
3. The name to which several cheques have been addressed.

Besides which, I'm quite fond of my dad, you know! He gave me my name, half my DNA, etc. etc.

BarmyArmy-

I'm only doing because I want to, not for any other reason that was what I always planned. And you know, would annoy my dad A LOT.

my surname is the one i have been known by all my life and i saw no reason to change it

besides i have it on good authority that my grandfather recievd it in exchange for doing some other priviledged dude's military service for him, so it isnèt as though it has a long patriarchal pedigree lol

keeping one's name has to start from somewhere, it can start with me

as a result both my children have their mother's surname (as well as their father's)

they can do what they like when they are older, or pick something totally different a la judy chicago

i love the passion with which some women wish to police other people's names :)

Btw, cupcakes, I think you'd like this one, too.

The guy also had a problem because, before we got to the names issue, he checked through our current accounts and said the account would be credit checked against the main earner. I said that was me. He looked at me, looked pointedly at the box marked student, and started filling in the credit check form with DH's details. Right up to where DH had to tell him that he earns 900 pcm whereas I get 1000. Tosser.

(Sorry, now I have typed that it sounds a pathetic thing to be cross about, but in the context it did sound a bit like an 'oh, the little woman, she can't possibly be earning anything can she?'.)

LRD he does sound sexist, like the waiter who asked exp what i would like to eat and wouldn't look at me except when he had to accept the debit card from me for payment.

I kept my maiden name as a middle name (not double barrelled). This has caused plenty of trouble with banks "correcting my error" and the CRB people refusing to address me with the name I actually use. The best response was from the passport office who phoned me to check exactly what I wanted and were fine with it - I then used my passport as ID for other less obliging organisations (though I did have to pay for a new passport).

I do all the admin in our household and tend to put "Mrs & Mr Slowly" on forms, it does grate when they come back as "Mr & Mrs".

I took advice from my solicitor before I changed my name and apparently you can change it to anything you like and don't need to do it by deed poll.

It would have been reasonable of him to ask for your marriage certificate as proof that you are sometimes known by that name - but it does sound like he was being a sexist knob. FWIW some years ago I asked my bank to put a note on my account so I could pay in cheques made out to my professional name (which is not the same as my legal name and in which I do not/did not have any 'official' ID) and they asked for a letter from the HR department at work to confirm that I was known by that name and not up to anything dubious. Which was fair enough.

racist? have i missed that bit?

I have a bank account which I have had for years - then added my dad's name (incase I was hospitilized or something and he needed to sort out my money and bills) the bank put his name first on the account - even though my surname begings with the letter before his name

he went in and asked them to correct this as my name shoudl be first not his

the refuse

I have ranted about this before but there is a lot of sexism attached to names and titles - had a huge row with the CRB about the fact that I am Ms not Miss or Mrs, they kept trying to insist that Ms means 'divorced bitter feminist harridan' and therefore I must have had a different surname at some point. Actually one of the few areas in which I have compromised my feminist principles for practical reasons has been dealing with moneylenders, who make the same assumption and don't like lending to divorced women.

Utter bullshit. I changed my name on all our joint accounts, and not on my passport or drivers licence. Never had a problem, with Lloyds, HSBC or Natwest.

Ms means divorced?

What complete bollocks. Never did in the UK, did it?

I'm always Ms but constantly they change it to 'miss'. I can't wait to get my doctorate - though no doubt then I'll be able to look forward to people assuming that 'Mr and Dr' are a gay couple (my brother gets this with his girlfriend!).

Btw - sexist? Eh? Or are you taking the mickey because you think I'm being silly?

i have heard this before about CRB sgb

i have to have regularish CRB checks for my profession, i don't recall ever getting any grief over being Ms

i will make a point of checking the cert that they send you after the CRB check is complete, i am intrigued to see if they have 'corrected' me to Miss or Mrs

Ha, LRD, we have Dr & Mr on our bank account AND I have a bloody silly unisex name anyway (thanks mum), so I bet there's lots of bosom-hoisting going on over our account too...

Can I just back up an earlier poster. You are entitled to call yourself anything you damn well please, as long as it is not for the purposes of fraud.

Even Princess Conseula banana hammock if you like. (Yes, I have been watching too many 'Friends'repeats).

It is true though.

And as for it being sexist to change a name to your husbands... i use both maiden and married name. Maiden for work, (and because i could not arsed to change my passport.) Married because DH's name is much more intresting than mine.

anya - yes, and the (woman, interestingly) in Halifax to whom we spoke afterwards, said it was perfectly normal to open accounts in different names.

It was pretty obvious that this guy was just thinking, 'ffs, use your husband's name and let him be the breadwinner so I don't have to get off autopilot', and that's almost more annoying than someone being actively sexist.

Please tell me you do call yourself Ms rather than Pricess Banana Hammock, though?! (prim feminist emoticon)

:( I rather fancied calling myself 'Princess' Or 'Countess' or whatever to see what would happen to the service i get in restaurants.

I do use Ms, although my paychecks come to 'Mrs' Maiden name, which does irritate me.

cupcakesandbunting = someone else that reads just the bare minimum of a thread in order to gain a vague idea of its content...but not enough to ascertain that barmyarmy is in fact a bloke.

Oh but he must be racist and a Daily Mail reader, because he/she (cupcakesandbunting)said so.

gnores fracas and addresses OP>

LRD - sadly after 12 yrs of marriage my advice to you would be to bite the bullet and just choose one name for everything.

I too use maiden name at work and get paid and taxed in that name. Had my own account in it for decades. Opened a joint account in married name which worked fine for ages until one day the bank realised that I was obviously money laundering and made me change my single account to married name.

Rang various other banks and had smilar experince to you with twats telling me that I "had" to use my married name on any account. And like you, found that Halifax would let me open one in my maiden name, which I did, and which I keep for cheques still addressed in that name. Barclays, who I was with for 20 yrs before marriage, won't let me use that name any more.

Cue all sorts of difficulties even now in accessing my own money in investements made in my maiden name. Only this week I have had to send off a copy of the marriage certificate to be able to transfer an ISA.

It just goes and on sadly.

anya - yes, that would be strange! I hate people calling me Mrs LRD because that's my mum!

Eh? Barmy, I've no idea what you're on about. I know you're a bloke; I don't understand the racism thing. Are you sure those remarks were directed at you - they might have been on-topic instead?

Katisha - Hi! I remember you from my argh-bridezilla threads, you were very kind. I think I will try to carry on with my name, and with luck attitudes will change. I mean, I was talking to my mum earlier and she mentioned that the first time she bought a house, she would have had to have a man to sign the deeds because women weren't considered able! So things do move on. Still (on a practical level) it is reassuring to know it's not just me who comes across these sexist prats.

I don't think he was being sexist - it's all too easy to cry sexism when there is another reasonable explanation. He was being a bit jobsworth but I imagine was just following the guidelines of his bank.

The other person who sorted it for you wasn't any less sexist or less jobsworth - his bank just had less strict guidelines.

The member of staff often doesn't have a choice in these matters.

But, Unquiet, his bank aren't likely to have guidelines that aren't in line with the law, are they?

He was saying that married women need to change their passports in order to use their married names. This is simply incorrect. He also told us that I couldn't use my maiden name and my married name, and this also has no legal foundation.

As far as I can tell from Barclays helpline (which we rang beforehand), there is no reason at all why he said what he did. My marriage cert. is perfectly valid ID for using my husband's name, and there's no reason why I should need to change my name in order to set up a joint account.

I expect you're right that the bank clerk wasn't being deliberately sexist in a malicious way, but the important point is, surely, that it didn't occur to him that any of this mattered or should be valid. Anyone who wasn't a bit sexist, would have had alarm bells ringing at the idea that a joint account could only be set up in my husband's name, wouldn't they?