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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy toys for my dd at least once a month???

57 replies

ukrainianmum · 17/08/2010 10:37

my second dh, who is not the father to my dd thinks it is too often to buy toys for a girl at least once a month. I say it is normal to do it, coz in any way kids need toys; but my dh says it will lead to the point, zhere she will be spoiled...
so how often will be normal???

OP posts:

LittleSilver · 17/08/2010 10:41

I have no idea. Your DD, your choice.

Personally I agree with your DH. I'd much rather spend the time and money on an activity rather than material goods, because constant buying of "stuff" runs contrary to how I want to bring up my child. Each to their own though.

sapphireblue · 17/08/2010 10:41

How many toys are you buying each month and how much are you spending? My DD probably gets something new every couple months but it will be something little and cheap (definitely never more than a tenner.) Anything big or more expensive is reserved for xmas or birthdays.......unless her GPs decide to spoil her!

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 17/08/2010 10:42

YABU and very silly IMHO. Birthdays, christmas and occasional random presents (maybe 3 monthly) is much more normal.

You need to manage her expectations.

MumNWLondon · 17/08/2010 10:46

Personally I only buy toys for my DD and DS if either birthday etc or if major star chart occasion (eg DD aged 6 recently stopped sucking her finger, but even then I bought her lelly kelly shoes not a toy).

I agree with your DH, if you buy toys all the time she may get spoilt. I agree I'd rather spend the money on a day out that a "thing". Its not that I'm trying to save money, I just want her to value her possessions. GPs do buy her stuff for no reason though.

But each to their own though.

How old is she?

AMumInScotland · 17/08/2010 10:48

I think you risk her having a huge pile of toys and still "nothing to play with" - better to have a smaller number of toys which have good play value, rather than keep on buying new things.

How about, when you're thinking of getting her something, stop and think about why you are doing it - is it something you genuinely think has a lot of value, or is it just out of habit because you haven't bought anything for a few weeks?

If you're just buying things out of habit, then reduce it. Maybe pop the money aside so you can get something bigger in a couple of months time.

That way she won't always be expecting more and newer things.

Original poster

ukrainianmum · 17/08/2010 10:48

we buy little things, like playmobile, no more than 10-15 euros. we do go out a lot with her- all the zoos, and parks, and all those activities;

we moved to France from Ukraine two months ago, and didnt bring too much with us, I mean toys, only what fitted in her little case.
And I tried her Xmas and Bday wishes.. for a birthday she wished for her country to be happy, and refused to have a new toy, for Xmas she only wanted one toy. the problem is if she gets what she didnt asked for, she doesnt play with it.
GP are far away, and kinda cannot spoil her. All her toys here are perfezctly fitted in one little basket... there is even no mess around the house with made by toys

OP posts:

Original poster

ukrainianmum · 17/08/2010 10:51

well, i dont know how to manage it... she is 5, and for example- she plays lets say in cooking, for that she is using deco things from my MIL house, like little casseroles, pots, etc; and those things cost money... she has no problem to imagine, that a belt is snake, but should she playing with a belt or toy???

OP posts:

domeafavour · 17/08/2010 10:53

it could be a bit much. But it doesn't sound like she has too much.
Personally when I get the child benefit I always make sure i get him something, but it could be shoes, or a coat or pjs.
If you put some toys away and bring them out in a rotation system, they seem like new toys!!

Original poster

ukrainianmum · 17/08/2010 10:57

that rotation i was doing in Ukraine, coz of course, over 5 years she had more toys, but here, I counted just now- 18 toys, all of them soft ones, animals, that is what she likes, no dolls, she finds them strange...and one playmobile set with horse, in a pocket..

OP posts:

LIZS · 17/08/2010 10:57

Don't think it matters what she is playign with as long as it is safe and invovles imagination. Perhaps you could go to Ikea and get some inexpensive but "nice" looking role playing toys - kitchen, tent etc - as a one off. I think drip feeding her toys is a mistake though, will raise her expectations longer term and cause conflict with dp. Maybe you could do a system of pocket money she can save up ? We normally buy books as an occasional treat and do toys for b'days or if they save up or are given money by gps.

gorionine · 17/08/2010 10:57

I suppose in the situation you describe it is OK in the sense that you are "building" her a stock of toys if she has had to leave most of hers behind. I think that the situation will settle on its own and you will soon think that she has got enough toys and does not need a new one every month.

MumNWLondon · 17/08/2010 11:07

Well I guess it depends on the starting point. I think most people here would have a lot more because there would have been years of birthdays (including full class parties), hand me downs, grandparents. DC have whole room of toys, I can't count them, but I bought hardly any of them.

sanielle · 17/08/2010 11:21

I think any child who wishes "for happiness in her country" deserves a fucking toy.

Onetoomanycornettos · 17/08/2010 11:23

Well, you are in a different position than most as you don't have a stack of unused toys in the bedroom. My girls have a lot of cuddly toys and play endlessly with them (e.g. the cuddly seals have a mummy and babies) and we have much less of the other types of toys such as play kitchens or Sylvanian families. My husband also finds it difficult to go past a shop or go for a day out and not buy them a cuddly toy. I think it's a bit excessive, but now we have less money, they go together to the charity shop and buy one for 25p (and wash it!). I've realised it gives him pleasure to get things for the girls, yes, we are over-run with soft toys, but not other toys so personally I am relaxed about this now and would only get stressed if he was spending money he didn't have. If my children stamped their feet and demanded new expensive toys when out, I would worry, but they don't.

Morloth · 17/08/2010 11:27

I think you are going to drown in kindercrap if you keep doing it. Christmas and Birthdays here, with the occasional "Yes" in a sea of "No" just to keep him guessing.

FindingMyMojo · 17/08/2010 11:28

I've been thinking about this alot too. I'm always buying bits & bobs for DD - mainly books & puzzles from charity shops but also little things here and there. I was wondering if this is teaching her to expect material things. She also gets lots of lovely hand me down toys from family & friends so she gets 'new' toys all the time.

DD's birthday is 3 weeks before Xmas so whilst I'd be inclined to stick to birthdays & Xmas for most gifts, clearly this works better when they are spaced apart. When she got a scooter for example, it was summertime - so it's an additional gift.

DD is only 2.8 though so I'm just being aware of it & keeping an eye on her behaviour.

sloanypony · 17/08/2010 12:02

It depends a bit on her age and whether or not she is the first child.

When I had my first child I'd buy something new probably at least every month. But he was my first so we were building up a "library" of age appropriate toys - they are constantly changing and developing in the first year and a bit so there is plenty to buy for a good all round well stocked playroom.

For my 2nd, I have barely bought anything but she has shed loads to play with. She did of course get plenty at her first Xmas from family, and has plenty of her "own" things like dollys and stuff that people like to buy little girls but she also reaps the benefits of all the unisex toys I bought first up.

I have bought a couple of extras for her, one of those walker type things (but that you cant walk in) where you put them in a big pair of pants type thing with a table around them with toys attached to it (really can't remember what its called - activity station?). That's partly to incarcerate the little madam when she keeps chewing on cables and I need to leave the room to do something else.

If I carried on buying new things every month right throughout my son's existence and then for my daughter as well, however, we'd have far too much stuff.

Oh, and I dont mind having a cull now and then either. Jigsaws with missing bits, happy meal toys (not that we ever go to McDonalds, of course) and just general tat that doesn't work anymore goes either in the bin or to charity.

sloanypony · 17/08/2010 12:03

I would also say my 2nd child "needs" less as even at 10 months she plays "with" my son, even if it is just following him around trying to get involved in whatever it is he's doing.

You really appreciate the toys on days where he's at preschool though. A first child needs more to keep them occupied and stimulated if you live a reasonably quiet existence...

PosieParker · 17/08/2010 12:08

My view has always been if toys are in abundance and endlessly purchased the birthdays and Christmasses are devalued. I would rather buy stuff on birthdays and Christmas unless essential. Nothing is special if you have it all of the time. Materialism is pretty awful too and by lavishing your DD with gifts you will make her expectant and greedy, imo.

FindingMyMojo · 17/08/2010 15:09

posie alternatively Christmas & birthdays are special days about family & parties & celebration etc and not all about presents.

what would you do if your kids birthday was very close to Christmas?

OTTMummA · 17/08/2010 15:28

what about books?
If she has a good imagination, she would love to be read to, maybe buy a different book each month, we do this and My DS has developed his language skills and imagination through it.

lifeas3plus1 · 17/08/2010 16:14

I suppose it depends on what you're buying and how much you're spending.

I buy my ds something once a month usually. Sometimes
it a little book or a cheap toy from the charity shop. Last month it was a pack of 3 foam balls from mothercare which where reduced to £1 which he has had hours of fun with.

I don't go overboard even at Christmas and birthday's so I don't see anything wrong with buying him something little once a month.

hairytriangle · 17/08/2010 16:16

YABU.

Books would be far more useful than toys.

New toys every month is excessive.

Mahraih · 17/08/2010 16:41

If you are starting from a low base, then buying her things that a kid 'needs', fair enough. As long as its not to add to an already teeming pile of stuff she never looks at anymore ...

DP and I (when DC is born and is capable of motor functions!) are planning to invest in toys we hope will 'last' i.e. a wigwam for the garden, an easel with kiddie paints etc, a couple of soft toys (I still have my teddy...) etc.

Everything else i.e. the latest my little pony or whatever the flavour of the month is, comes at birthday/christmas.

PosieParker · 17/08/2010 17:30

Not all about presents, of course...who said that? Christmas is extra special because it is one of the few occasions when the dcs get presents. I have a cousin who has three dcs one born Christmas day, two within two weeks of Christmas. They have their birthdays, the Christmas day one has it the Saturday before Christmas and then their mother puts away some of the birthday funds for summer presents....this is known by the child when they're old enough to understand.

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