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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think fuck fuck fuck is a bit much for a 10yr old

57 replies

domeafavour · 16/08/2010 12:16

We have had visitors to stay over the weekend
A friend of DH and his 10year old son. Son had a bit of an accident getting a ball back from next door, and was shouting fuck fuck fuck. Dad was laughing!
Then all the boys sat around telling stories with lots of swearing and adult content!
I don't want my son to grow up like this.
Am I being horribly naive? You should curb your language right? or do 10 year olds swear?!

OP posts:
comtessa · 16/08/2010 13:27

YANBU, children will get enough swearing practise with their friends when they're teenagers. I don't think swearing is acceptable in everyday use from adults, but if children are around swearing, then they should learn when it is and when it is not acceptable to swear.

rookiemater · 16/08/2010 13:41

You should worry. DS ( aged 4) started using the F word a few months, courtesy of his lovely friend from nursery. I had a no tolerance attitude so thankfully now that the holidays has arrived it seems to have stopped.

YANBU. I think some people are so used to swearing as part of their everyday language they do not see it as offensive and something that should not be done around children.

Hammy02 · 16/08/2010 14:29

YANBU. I was about 24 before I used the 'f' word in front of my parents. It's all about respect.

GypsyMoth · 16/08/2010 14:31

i would never dare....even now....use the f word in front of parents!!!

and my dd's are 14 and 16 and dont dare use it in front of me either!!

BertieBasset · 16/08/2010 14:59

YANBU - I get a pursed mouth from my mum for saying bugger and I'm 32. She'd pass out at anything stronger Grin

ShellingPeas · 16/08/2010 15:05

YANBU - my 11 year old knows the word and what it means but won't use it at home in frpnt of us.

skirt · 16/08/2010 15:06

What shellingpeas said.

WingDad · 16/08/2010 15:06

I'm pretty sure my two eldest (12 and 9) know quite a full range of swear words, it's just the nature of kids these days. I'm also pretty sure they use them every now and then when talking to friends in casual conversation. However, they know they are to never use them in front of any adult (particularly parents!) and most especially not in front of my youngest (5).

You're not being unreasonable, you can't stop kids from hearing and knowing swear words, but I would say you can most definitely make it known that they aren't to use them.

MorningTownRide · 16/08/2010 15:28

I will disagree with WingDad about 'kids these days' knowing all the swear words - I was swearing by the time I was 9 Blush

I agree with the rest though!

Numberfour · 16/08/2010 15:41

i would never DREAM of saying fuck in front of my dad!!!

and if my DS now aged 5 came home speaking like that, he would definitely be in deep trouble.

so, YANBU at all imo.

i cannot stand kids sayd "OH MY GOD" either. sounds fucking awful. my childminded children know not to use bad language in my home. i have even had a 3 year old swearing, FFS!!!

FindingMyMojo · 16/08/2010 15:46

DD has started with "oh my God"!!! - so I'm correcting her to "Oh my goodness". She's nearly 3 Hmm - FFS indeed.

The odd sweary visitor isn't too much to be alarmed about & kids are going to hear stuff just being out in the world, however I'd be worried about my 10 year old swearing like this & want to nip it in the bud asap. OK so he might do it with his mates, but as others are saying, you can let it be known it won't be tolerated in 'polite company' Grin

Greensleeves · 16/08/2010 15:48

I wouldn't be impressed, although it's not the end of the world

one part of me says "it's just words, if children are loved and secure and happy this is just a minor detail, and anyway it's silly to get so riled about a word"

the other part of me thinks it's very ugly on children, they don't need to swear, and whatever I may think about language my children have to know what is and isn't appropriate in a broader social sense, for their own benefit"

I swear like a coal miner personally, but I do wince if I hear a child use a strong swear word Blush

once or twice mine have laughed hysterically after hearing "of for FUCK'S sake" or similar from me (I do try Blush) and they have repeated it to shock

to which I usually say "when you have got a mortgage and a gas bill and a skanky loo to clean and a mountain of washing to do, THEN you can let slip the odd profanity - in the meantime, button your beaks"

Alouiseg · 16/08/2010 16:45

Yadnbu but I am a prolific swearer and because swearing has no shock value to my children they just don't swear.

I don't swear at the ds' but my language when driving is legendary, nothing to be proud of I know, they know when it would be appropriate to swear iyswim.

roadkillbunny · 16/08/2010 16:47

My dd started with the 'ohh my God' not long after starting school last September, we have converted it into 'ohh my gosh' as it was not something I wanted her to be saying, we are not a church going family on the whole (christmas and easter type thing as I work on Sunday mornings and I couldn't pay dh to take the children due to his personal beliefs) but it could be offensive to others and she goes to a CofE school, nipped that one in the bud. We haven't really had any other issues with bad language yet, when she was three there was quite an interesting insodent when I opened the door to get out with ds's buggy and the other buggy was folled in the way out side, I said 'ohh blast' dd in total deap pan said 'It's ohh shit Mummy' I told her it absolutly wasn't and she didn't hear me say anything like that, turned out Daddy had slipped up a couple of times, that was the first and last time I hope it stays that way. Children of around 10 will know swear words but they should never be useing them around adults so YADNBU, it shows that swearing is a regular thing in the household and the children don't understand that it is offensive, swearing can have it's place (for adults out of childrens hearing) but if used as every other word it loses it's strength and reason.

DawnAS · 16/08/2010 16:57

YAdefinitelyNBU

I would still never say the F word in front of my parents and I'm 36. My DBro does it all the time though (he's only 23) and I am soooo shocked that my Mum doesn't pick him up on it!

I remember getting a smack around the head once when a boy next door told me to call my Dad a prick! It didn't wash when I honestly said (with tears rolling down my cheeks) that I didn't have any idea what it meant - I was about 8 at the time! Grin

So, no, I don't condone swearing and hope that my DD (currently only 14 months) doesn't do it within earshot of me or any other adult when she's old enough!

weeweeface · 16/08/2010 16:57

DS (9) was sat at my mother's eating a kiev when the garlic sauce burnt his mouth. He shouted out "fucking hell! that was hot". Needless to say he'd just come home from his dad's house. Hmm was not impressed. Can't stand lots of swearing in adults either.

ballstoit · 16/08/2010 16:59

YANBU, DSS's are 10 & 9, I am aware that they have a full range of swear words and rude songs as I've heard them using them to each other while upstairs playing. I have made it clear to them, as my parents did to me, that the language they use with their friends may not be acceptable to use in the home, especially with younger DC listening.

As an adult, I may swear on a night out, or when alone in the car when someone cuts me up Grin but wouldnt in front of my Grandad. Children have to learn that there are different codes of behaviour for different places. Perhaps next time you could say 'I would prefer it if you didnt say that word at my house'. This seems fair to me, your house, your rules.

usualsuspect · 16/08/2010 17:00

at weeweefaces ds ..sorry Blush

upahill · 16/08/2010 17:26

DS10 was telling me that he and his friend were walking through the park and a gang of kids were shouting and swearing at them. I asked him what they said he wouldn't tell me.

However later on I told him to tell his dad and he recounted it word for word once he knew I had left the kitchen!!

By the way he hasn't as far as I'm aware herd his dad swear properly.

Dumbledorina · 16/08/2010 17:45

YANBU - I am pretty sure that my children knew a few swear words when they were 10, (hopefully not the really bad ones), but part of growing up is learning what they can and can't say at appropriate moments - we might all get a bit sweary with a group of friends, but I am suer most of us wouldn't dream of using the same language at work.

By condoning the casual swearing this guy isn't helping his son learn what is appropriate language for different social contexts.

BTW my (89 year old) dad always maintains that people who rely on swearing to make a point must have a very limited vocabulary... it's much more fun to make up your own expletives! "Oh sugarplums!" is a particular favourite of mine (you can put a lot of invective into it if you try!)

Greensleeves · 16/08/2010 17:51

There are times when only the hard stuff will do though Dumbles

next time I stand on a piece of Lego, I'll try "sugarplums" instead of pissflaps but I can't see it quite hitting the spot Grin

CoupleofKooks · 16/08/2010 17:59

ds1 got called a 'fucking bitch' by a 2 year old in the park yesterday

YANBU

upahill · 16/08/2010 18:29

coupleof kooks Shock

CoupleofKooks · 16/08/2010 18:42

i know
i just think what chance has he got in life
makes me want to swear actually Hmm

dolphin13 · 16/08/2010 18:58

My adult dd has never sworn in front of me and never would.

I'm sure my ds 10 knows the words but honestly he is so straight he would cut his tongue out rather than say it.

DD2 is 3 and very confused because every time I drop something I will say "oh sugar" she then searches everywhere saying "no mummy there's no sugar here, you dropped a cup".