To not want to explain to every Tom, Dick and Harry why DD is, and always will be, an only child?

[OneTwoBuckleMyShoe]

DD is 11 months. ALREADY we have been asked about when #2 will be on it's way.

Now our immediate family knows why we are sticking with DD (horrendous pregnancy, hyperemesis and AND) but extended family and friends of friends can't seem to fathom it no matter how many times me and DH explain.

We are now being introduced by aquaintences as "the couple who only want one child" which is a bit and makes us think they have been describing us thus to all and sundry. We then get the third degree from smug parents of more than one extolling as to why we simply must have another child at least.

I mean FFS, what if we had fertility issues etc, why is it ok for them to bleat on at us because we have a conscious decision to stop at DD?

What more can we say than we already have or are we going to have to resort to lying about fertility issues to shut these people we barely know up?

I used to get asked this a lot when we had just dd1. I used to answer that I'd really rather not feel suicidal again and having survived it the one time I didn't feel like risking it again. That usually shut them up.

Haven't been asked in a while, but I am looking forward to the next time in a really sadistic way, because I will have to tell them that we only have one child now (dd2) because dd1 died two years ago. Ha! And a big fuck you to nosy people who think they have some need to know these things.

PS not really - I'll be far too polite to be so blunt .

For heaven's sake, Sassy! I want to walk around behind you discreetly and then leap out and slap people in the face when they ask you those things. I am totally that anyone would be so insensitive and rude. I'm so sorry for your loss.

We are the very happy parents of our only dd. We don't want more kids nor can I have them - medical complications - and yes, it is irritating when people ask you to justify why only 1. I tend to turn it round and ask why they wanted 2 or 3....shuts them up most times.

OP, I feel your pain.

Some people (many are quite reasonable) with more than one child just can't help thinking that everyone else in the fucking world has to make the same family planning decisions that they did. OK so what if you don't want another kid, for any "soft" reason such as:

*You like your job and want to get back to it pronto
*You hated being pregnant and never want to go through it again
*You found out you don't like babies
*You're sick of people trying to get you to breasfeed

Or think of the offence they are causing if your choice is for a "hard" reason ie:

*Your childbirth complications almost killed you
*You're now infertile
*You are both carrying a horrible hereditary disease and the first kid was a mistake
*One of you got AIDS after a blood transfusion in South Africa
*Your PND was brutal and you don't trust yourself not to commit infanticide next time round
*Your mastitis still gives you nightmares and you'll never lactate again not for a million quid
*Your fanjo got cut to hell and it now hurts to fuck
*Your husband is undergoing chemotherapy
*You miscarried three times already

...and so on. You don't really need to be reminded of these things every time you meet an "earth mother" SAHM huge breasted never-had-a-problem BF self-praising twunt (with gag-inducing pictures on the living room wall of herself holding her babies) who thinks she can tell you what to do with the biggest possible decision of your life.

Tell them all to fuck off.

Or just say, "cancer".

I used to live in London for years where nobody asks you really nosey/intrusive questions like that.

Then I moved outside London to get asked questions such as 'why did I have a child so late (I was 41)'; 'would I wish I had had one sooner, then I could have had another'. WTF.

No other bugger's business but my own.

Some people got no respect for people's private decisions/lifestories!!

I would have dearly loved another, but DH wouldn't consider it, so it hurts a lot when I get asked the question. I now say "DD almost killed me, so it would be selfish to try again"

i then get either the red face and blustering, or the seriously in depth "why, what happened, doesn't mean it will happen again.....type questions. Either I answer in graphic detail or just say "ask DH". It really hurts tho' so I aaish people would butt out

i think the danger lies in letting anyone know it is a choice. If anyone asks me about our plans, etc., I say we are just so happy to have our son, which I suppose implies the truth (fertility issues, mainly) and yet doesn't open the door for any questions.

Have two lovely friends who have one apiece and neither want more than that. Their responses to this tedious question usually go along the lines of "I'm far too old" or "you are bloody joking one is bad enough".

I found that if you answer the question about having another child with; "when hell freezes over" often enough people get the message a lot quicker !

Oh bless you - No, YANBU

YANBU - it's just as bad when you have three DCs in two years as we did due to having twins the second time, born on DS's 2nd birthday. You then spend their entire babyhood being lectured by an amazing amount of random people who think that it's their business to lecture you about contraception - in the middle of supermarkets and other public places ! (blush)

Albercamus... Goodness, how awful. people really do that too? Since when did we turn into a society where everyone can openly judge what everyone else is doing and offer advice unsolicited?

Ah yes, since Trisha and Jeremy Kyle.