friend wrapping her son in cotton wool

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

My friend bless her is lovely but the situation with her son is causing a bit of an issue.

He is very shy and tends to prefer to play on his own - no problem at all.

He is very demanding of her attention and often when we are out as a large group he demands they leave the main group and go off to a different part of the park etc - none of my business, shame not to see much of her, but none of my business.

But this is where the problem comes. When he is in a situation where he is playing alongside / with others (in particular my loud, over excited DS) he isn't willinging to get on with it, if he wants a toy, mum has to ask the other child etc, he cries because my DS cuddles him, or is to loud or is playing on something he wants etc etc etc.

Today DS and his other pals were playing a very annoying game in the park, chase type thing. All shouting loudly and I had just told my DS to quieten down a bit, as other mums have told their LO's to as well. Friends DS didn't like it and shouted at DS to get out the way as he rah past.

To my shock my friend shouted "Well done x, that's right you tell them not to do that" then turned round to me and said "I'm trying to make him more confident"

AIBU to find this situation each play date really hard work. She is really wrapping him in cotton wool (her choice nothing to do with me) but its starting to impact on the other children and I don't think this was very fair on my DS today.

Don't get me wrong my DS is no angle but when out with other friends we tend to let them have a good go at sorting things out for themselves before wadding in.

AIBU?

My DS1 is a rather shy boy when around other children his own age. He had a lot of playdates with one particular boy who is a bit 'out of control' and was a touch agressive (only a bit then, but sadly gradually getting more so less play dates!) and I was so ridiculously pleased the first time he hit back - but certainly didn't say anything to encourage it. Gradually he is getting better at mixing with other children, and at 3 1/2 he is finally confident enough to occasionally play with some of the older boys at soft play.

But it was really hard for me to watch him let other children push in front of him on rides, take toys off him, push him to the side and not step in. At the park I would occasionally insist on children taking it in turns on a ride (but making sure he waited for his turn just as much as the others), and at play groups would sometimes hover and not let other children take toys away from him just because they wanted them. It is so incredibly distressing to see your child being so timid that it is tempting to step in, and easy to go over the top.

You need to say something, even if they are small comments directed at your own DS such as 'I know you only had a short turn with that toy before it was taken off you, but thank you for letting X have a turn with it, maybe next time you will have a longer turn on it than X' or 'I know it wasn't a nice thing for X to have shouted at you, but he's still learning to play with other children nicely so please don't be too upset with him' or something like that. Make your friend conscious of the fact that trying to make her child more confident and more 'equal' doesn't mean that she has the right to make your DS feel inadequate or in the wrong.

my DS1 (now nearly 10 and NT) was very much like the DS described in the op at that age.

It's just the way he was. He's much more confident now, but does still have occasional moments.