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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel repressed or oppressed as a woman living in the UK?

68 replies

LynetteScavo · 13/08/2010 19:24

I have always felt like I could do anything I wanted to, and being female wasn't something that was holding me back.

I have always felt equal to men.(Although I do acknowledge men tend to be physically stronger)

AIBU?

OP posts:
grumblegrumble · 13/08/2010 19:28

Yes.

I felt the same. But I've always worked in a professional environment, not in an office or factory that had pictures of topless women up, and 'jokes' about a woman's appearance or temperament. Until I had DCs I always earned good money and retain the ability to do so.

But I live in a very privileged bubble.

sneezecake · 13/08/2010 19:36

YANBU
However there are some toss pots men out there who do see women as 'the little wifey' who is helpless unless he is by her side,some men can be patronising/disrespectful to women as they don't see them as equil.
I have always had a well paid job, but even then some men in higher status jobs see us as low-lives (yes I've heard them discribe us as this)

grumblegrumble · 13/08/2010 19:40

I think there's a real divide - educated women have the knowledge, demonstrable intellect and confidence to meet men in the workplace on their own terms.

But a woman needs to prove or validate herself in a way that men don't. So you get a much more unequal arrangement in workplaces/environments where education/training isn't required, or valued.

So I think for less well-educated women, the UK is still very unequal.

Kaloki · 13/08/2010 19:43

When I was working in more techie jobs, I definitely felt that being female was seen as a drawback. I know my opinion was seen as less valid.

Actually, fuck it, as a total geek, I am well aware that I have always been seen as knowing less due to my lack of a penis. I have to prove I know more (rather than an equal amount) in order to be granted equal footing.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 19:44

yanbu,we all have different personalities,efficacy,and self belief,if your lived experience is as you describe good for you.enjoy your good fortune!

do be aware other women aren't as fortunate and have experienced discrimination and felt unequal treatment (by male and female)

but isnt necessarily a given of gender that all men are oppressors or women are down trodden

ArthuriaAugustaDArcy · 13/08/2010 19:45

YANBU. Have always felt as you describe, LS.

Alouiseg · 13/08/2010 19:52

Totally agree. Yadnbu, and ironically I say that as a sahm.

grumblegrumble · 13/08/2010 19:53

But, OP, YADNBU to feel like that. It's a great way to be and a great example to provide to other women (and men).

azazello · 13/08/2010 19:55

YANBU. I agree. But many women aren't as lucky as me and even though I'm fine, it could be better for me as well as generally.

LittleMissHissyFit · 13/08/2010 19:55

I never gave it a second thought, it never occurred to me that there was any discrepancy in the sexes.

Then I went to live in Egypt. Sad Christ, therein lies insanity.... systematic, societal and ingrained oppression, encouraged by women themselves. SadSadSad

Now I give thanks on a daily basis for the men and women that campaigned for our equality and rights.

On the personal aspect of oppression within relationships, I agree with sm, there are oppressed men and oppressed women. It's just the men are called hen-pecked.

I do worry that there seems to be a lot of men bashing going in in society in general. Tis hard to fight, cos there is so much truth in so much of it but it makes our job as a parent of a male much harder, when men are being written off as useless by many quarters.

Lauriefairycake · 13/08/2010 20:00

I don't feel oppressed as I don't work for anyone else now

Whenever I have worked for anyone I have always felt uncomfortable and I have definitely been oppressed as a woman

I have been sexually harassed more times at work than I can remember

Dione · 13/08/2010 20:01

Now in western Europe is the best time and place for any woman in known history. It is good that you appreciate this. I feel the same as you, however I am aware that not all women have this priviledge and there is a lot of work still to be done and abroad. I also agree that there is a lot of men bashing that is unfair. If we want a truly equal society, we must treat men and women equally. I grew up believing that men and women are equal, I want my DS to grow up to believe the same.

breatheslowly · 13/08/2010 20:15

I honestly think my DH is more oppressed than I am. I get to make lots of choices, but he pretty much has to go out to work and lump it.

Portofino · 13/08/2010 20:15

I work in a male-dominated environment and have never felt oppressed - I feel judged solely on my ability not my gender. And my company extends the same work-life balance policy to both parents.

But I am lucky enough to work for a good company with well-educated people. Some poor souls still have to work with ignorant gits.

However, I get a bit cross sometimes on the feminist threads as there is an implication that it still always men that are holding women back. I think biology and other factors play a more complex role than that.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 20:24

agree the assumption that inevitability men will hold women back is lame.some women are gits.some men are gits.the myth of the sisterhood is another myth that doesnt benefit women

RunawayWife · 13/08/2010 20:30

I have never felt oppressed or held back.

I remember a social club we went to when I was a child had a men only ber Hmm and this had to be changed to allow women in, one chap turned to my mum and said "so how does it feel to be equal to the men"?
My mum said with a smile "I am not equal to the men, I am far far better" his face was a delight and I have kept that with me all my life. Grin

tabouleh · 13/08/2010 20:51

IMO YABU to think that women in this country have equality with me.

It's great that you feel that you are equal to men, however have you considered that:

Women working in the UK earn on average 23 less than men.

The conviction rate for rape is only 6.5% in the UK.

1.5 million people in the UK have an eating disorder - 90% of them female.

During the 1990s the number of men paying for sex acts in the UK doubled.

1 in 4 women living in the UK will expericen violence at the hands of a current or former partner.

The above is taken from the back cover of The Equality Illusion.

If I am honest,I probably felt the same as you OP just a few months ago.

However I am now seeing evidence of the illusion of equality every where I look.

Lots of interesting debate right here on MN. Grin

LeQueen · 13/08/2010 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 20:58

cut & paste of alarming statistics is indicative that some men are gits.however not all men perpetrate these acts.so no amount of C&P stuff makes it a given that men are gits.we all have dp,brothers,nephews and not all of them will go on to perpetrate these acts

lets consider female dysfunction.recent press coverage of women who kill,act erratically.that isnt indicative of all females

Morloth · 13/08/2010 21:02

YANBU but Mumsnet worries me. There are so many women just on here putting up with bullshit. I just don't get it.

And because I don't get it I assume that there are women who are still putting up with bullshit in other parts of their lives.

But I do feel lucky to be have been born where I was and when I was and to who I was. I have been taught since birth that I am the equal of any man and can do anything I want to do and if others don't like it then tough shit. Not everyone has the same leg up.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:07

mn is a window on life but don't know it is representative of all life,if you see what i mean

Morloth · 13/08/2010 21:09

I know, but it gives a pretty good cross section and it is just so depressing and (makes me very angry).

tabouleh · 13/08/2010 21:10

breatheslowly in what way is your DH more oppressed than you?

scottishmummy in what way does my quote make it a given that all men are "gits"

I think it is important that those of us who are lucky/fortunate look at raising awareness of issues effecting others less fortunate.

tabouleh · 13/08/2010 21:13

Morloth - I agree - MN has been a huge eyeopener for me re rape/DV/inequality within relationships re housework etc.

I suspect that in the non-MN world these issues are even more prevalent. Sad.

MarthaLovesMatthew · 13/08/2010 21:13

We're not equal.

I previously worked in a male dominated industry. Office was 90% male. The conversations I overheard...ghastly.

A lot of men will still happily refer to women as bitches, whore, butch dykes when they think no woman is listening.

Oh and what we look like is still more important than what we do.

LeQueen "But, I've had the privilege of an expensive education, and I'm from a middle class background, and have always lived surrounded by similar people".

What does this have to do with it? I don't get it. I did the middle-class/private school/Oxbridge thing and I came across many a misogynist. Sexism knows no class.

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