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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel repressed or oppressed as a woman living in the UK?

68 replies

LynetteScavo · 13/08/2010 19:24

I have always felt like I could do anything I wanted to, and being female wasn't something that was holding me back.

I have always felt equal to men.(Although I do acknowledge men tend to be physically stronger)

AIBU?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:15

posting that stuff,inference is obviously look at what men do.bloody gits

in fact some men perpetrate those acts.not all.some

shall i cut&paste stats about female dysfunction?acts some,not all females perpetrate

tabouleh · 13/08/2010 21:20

scottishmummy indeed it is "some men". IIRC you seem to have a hatred of "cut&paste". I will not be engaging with you personally on this thread after this point. I find it too upsetting and frustrating.

I know that some people will be interested in what I posted and will eventually read the book. Smile.

MerryMarigold · 13/08/2010 21:22

Martha, have you never referred to men as wankers, cocks, or dicks? (Or heard women referring to them as such).

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:23

so you read a divergent opinion and its all italics and you wont engage me.

dear god

and im a woman.imagine if a man wrote same.would you need a lie down and not engage him either

MarthaLovesMatthew · 13/08/2010 21:27

Merry, yeah, I have. I'll hold my hands up to that.

But the context I'm talking about is different.

I have never referred to a man as a dick or a wanker simply for a) having an opinion. b) choosing to be in a relationship with another man. c) sleeping with multiple partners.

Whereas I have heard many men refer to women as bitches, whores, dykes etc etc for all of the above.

I only speak from my experience of course. But my experience leads me to conclude that no, we are not equal (yet).

LeQueen · 13/08/2010 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilMagill · 13/08/2010 21:28

Yes must say I hear men referred to by unpleasant names more often then I do women... actually searching my memory for last time I heard a woman called something horrible, while all the time in conversation men are called knobs, bastards etc. (by women and men alike). Actually I find that more and more I hear men called by insults that I would think of as usually 'female' e.g. c**t, slut. Progress in a twisted sense?? ConfusedWink

That's not to say I think there is no room for improvement. I loathe porn culture, for one.

MerryMarigold · 13/08/2010 21:30

Ok, martha, I understand better!

LilMagill · 13/08/2010 21:30

Actually I agree there is more making fun of lesbians than of gay men. ime anyway.

breatheslowly · 13/08/2010 21:31

Admittedly this is purely about my own circumstances and I acknowledge that most other people are not as fortunate as I am. DH and I have had equal educational opportunities, I may even have had an easier time as there has been a certain amount of positive discrimination with regard to women studying physical sciences at an undergraduate level. I then have the choice (supported by society) to work full time, part time or stay at home - and society does expect DH to work full time and to support me and our family. Having asked DH his opinion he says that he is just oppressed by me and society doesn't have anything to do with it.

Whilst I don't want to take away from your stats above about how oppressed women are, it is worth mentioning that other stats demonstrate that life isn't all roses for men either - the suicide rate amongst men is more than 3 times that of women and men often have trouble accessing their children after a relationship ends.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:32

have heard other women deride females about wt,marital status,shoes,clothes

thats isnt to say not all women are like this
but not all men are coarse bawbags

the interesting part of thread is the experiential accounts.everyone unique lived experience

imo its class that is more divisive that gender

Animation · 13/08/2010 21:34

Very often women are oppressed and don't seem to know it. I just got back from Morocco - there women are oppressed but don't seem to know it. Glad I'm back in England and able to walk about freely without having to cover up.

LilMagill · 13/08/2010 21:35

But never felt like I'd be thought a bitch for expressing an opinion, far from it. I do think things have improved. It has always been inconceivable to me and friends my age growing up that it is somehow OK for a man to be promiscuous but not a woman, or that men get better-looking with age but women don't. Yet I hear these stated as well-known double standards. I'm sure they were and to some extent still are, but IME they are on their way out.

Was shocked though when I read on the women's rights section of MN that just a generation ago a woman couldn't open a bank account on her own. We shouldn't be complacent.

Portofino · 13/08/2010 21:37

Animation, maybe that is because they don't feel oppressed? This has been discussed at length on other threads....

LilMagill · 13/08/2010 21:37

Or it is now increasingly normal to hear of couples where the woman is significantly older a la Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. I hardly bat an eyelid now, and am actually more grossed-out by much older men having young girlfiends.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:37

its an interesting discussion.how we all see it,feel it,experience it

Portofino · 13/08/2010 21:38

What's a generation ago? I have had my own bank account for 25 years!

MillyR · 13/08/2010 21:39

I think both sides of this don't contradict each other.

The OP does not feel oppressed. That is great.

At the same time, women as a group do not have equality with men as a group.

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:39

my mum had her own money,her wages.donkeys years ago

Portofino · 13/08/2010 21:40

Why do older men have young girl friends? Women attracted by money and power perhaps? Not equality maybe, but not oppression either....

LilMagill · 13/08/2010 21:40

I don't know, people were talking about the 70s iirc? Maybe they were wrong or I misinterpreted it. It was to do with needing a male guarantor or a married woman needing her husband's permission. Hmm... it does seem to have disintegrated in my memory somewhat since I read it. Hope someone can remind me and/or set me straight!

scottishmummy · 13/08/2010 21:42

bottom line is we all have different lived experience.because of personality, education,upbringing and the trick is to not apply global assumptions about either gender

all men are gits who cuss women
all women are unequal in society

its a great op.v thought provoking

MarthaLovesMatthew · 13/08/2010 21:43

By the looks of it, I've been quite unlucky in my experiences. I'm glad so many others have have more positive accounts to share.

I wonder if age is a factor too?

I remember when I got my first 'proper' job at the age of 22. A male colleague grabbed my hand and forcibly dragged me across a room to show me a mistake I had made on something. I remember very vividly thinking to myself that there is no way he would have done that had I been either much older or a man.

Animation · 13/08/2010 21:44

Portofino - but they are oppressed!! The men are very much in charge - the women come out of their houses at dusk for a breath of fresh air. No way could I live in Morocco.

If this has been discussed at lenght on other threads - I would say - not enough!!

MillyR · 13/08/2010 21:44

But who is making those assumptions? I have never heard anyone say that. It is just a straw man. Nobody would argue that Margaret Thatcher had less power than the average man.