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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it neglectful to leave LO in the cot chatting?

51 replies

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 09:52

I have been reliably informed that if LO is awake and playing in his cot, then I don't necessarily always have to go fish him out and entertain him. In fact it is good for him to have some alone time, to process all the info he sees/learns.

This comes from my parents who told me at 3 weeks to leave DS to cry because actually they have to have a good holler to open up all the alveoli in the lungs and to allow them to function properly

So should I be playing with him all the time and not leaving him alone for 20 mins at a time say, or is this ok?!

DISCLAIMER - I am well aware that this is no doubt a ridiculous question and that this is propably bloomin obvious to a well-seasoned Mother. But I'm a relative newbie!

OP posts:

bintofbohemia · 13/08/2010 09:54

I don't think they need entertaining all the time, we all need down time! How old is your DS? If he's happy he's fine, he'd let you know if he wasn't.

LilRedWG · 13/08/2010 09:54

If he is happy and safe in his cot then I'd say he's fine for 20 minutes or so. You are teaching him independance.

knickers0nmyhead · 13/08/2010 09:55

Of course it is ok

Have a shower, do chores, or just have a cuppa in peace!

BusyMissIzzy · 13/08/2010 09:55

How old is he? You can't spend every waking moment entertaining a baby (I know I can't, anyway); you'd get nothing else done! Depending on his age, I'd be checking him every once in a while though, if he's not in sight anyway.

bintofbohemia · 13/08/2010 09:56

(imagine how you'd feel if your mum was in your face every waking second!)

Original poster

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 09:57

He's 9 mo.
He's a very happy chappie and I play/read with him/talk to him/sing to him ALL the time. As soon as he wakes I'm there. Starting to feel a bit frazzled to be honest.
I wasn't sure at first whether I was even allowed to leave the room when he was born....it took about 5 weeks before the HV said "er you can leave him along for 2 mins you know...."
Daft in hindsight, but you can lose perspective I've found!!!

OP posts:

mendipgirl · 13/08/2010 09:57

My DD does this virtually every day when she wakes up. Sits chatting to her teddy etc. for 20mins plus. I stay in bed for as long as I can.... She is fine and happy and will always tell me if she is not! Enjoy the fact he is happy in his own company!

Original poster

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 09:58

bintofbohemia Fair point! Argh!!!!!!

OP posts:

sanielle · 13/08/2010 09:58

if he is happy chattering away to his friends (stuffed animals) let him be. You will only cramp his style!

good for you if he knows he can have fun on his own. Means you won't have to spend every second entertaining him.

(no children, yet.. But seasoned nanny.. :) )

sanielle · 13/08/2010 10:00

and I bloody love those kind of babies!

BecauseImWorthIt · 13/08/2010 10:00

OMG - you will go insane if you carry on like this! Of course you can leave him. He's obviously happy if he's lying there chatting.

Make it part of your strategy to do this - so that you have some time to yourself. It is very important for you, but also for your child. If he grows up expecting you to be with him/entertain him 24/7 it's not healthy for him either.

Fluteyboots · 13/08/2010 10:00

I do it every morning while I shower, unload dishwasher etc! I pop some little books and soft toys in and leave him to amuse himself.
Learning to play independently is a really important skill that some child dev experts believe a lot of kids are not getting enough of due to anxious parenting, so it's something I try to do.

That said, only for short stretches, looking in regularly and always in earshot or with baby monitor on in case he has had enough.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2010 10:03

I remember having the same worries when DS was little! He would be quite happy in his cot having a wriggle, especially if I put some music on for him.

IMO it is good to encourage children to spend a bit of time on their own from a young age, as long as they are calm and happy. Don't close the door or anything, he will probably like to hear the noises of the house - again good for him to start learning what sounds mean what in terms of where you are in the house, it will help him feel more secure.

One of my friends felt the need to entertain her eldest DC non-stop, with the result that at 3 she is a nightmare, can barely play by herself, hates it when my friend picks up the new baby. My poor friend is frazzled and looks on enviously at DS who will amuse himself happily for 20-30 minutes while I get necessary jobs done.

PrivetDancer · 13/08/2010 10:03

Well I hope it's not neglectful as my DD (23 months now) is often playing in her bed in the mornings and has done since she was little. Would never leave her crying or calling for me, but if she is happy and she has lots of toys in her room to play with then I love lying in bed listening to what she's saying over the monitor.
Sometimes we all doze off again and have a nice lie-in..

I think you need to give yourself a break! But I do know where you're coming from, I used to worry if it was wrong to leave her but I honestly think she's enjoying herself.

Fluteyboots · 13/08/2010 10:06

Nb you are not being ridiculous by asking the qu. When my DH went back to work after pat leave, I had a panic about how I was supposed to go to toilet if baby was awake. Who would hold him while I was in there? :)

Original poster

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 10:06

Awesome - so actually it's good for them. Great!

So it seems my Mum was right....but surely the alveoli stuff isn't?! Maybe he did need to exercise his lungs!!

OP posts:

Marjee · 13/08/2010 10:06

I do this with my 9mo ds. Its great for me to get some housework done before he starts trashing the place again! He'll let you know when hes had enough

Original poster

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 10:07

fluteyboots I spent the first 3 weeks putting him in the sling to go to the loo. Not a very pleasant experience for either of us!!

OP posts:

Fluteyboots · 13/08/2010 10:09

Odysseus that is lovely. Don't think my pelvic floor would have waited long enough for me to get the straps on :o

thesecondcoming · 13/08/2010 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fluteyboots · 13/08/2010 10:12

Not sure about the alveoli thing.......not a big fan of crying approaches myself, but that's a personal parenting style thing. I worry more about causing them stress.......from the volume of noise my DS can produce I don't think his lungs need any further exercise!

SirBoobAlot · 13/08/2010 10:13

Its good for them to play independently. I do the same thing. Don't for a second think its neglectful.

cupcakesandbunting · 13/08/2010 10:14

I used to pop DS in his cot every morning whilst I showered/dried hair/dressed. He was happy as larry. Honestly!

My mum is of the school of mothers that think that you ought to be shackled to your child in every waking hour and used to do cat's bum mouth at me leaving him in his perfectly safe cot with his perfectly safe toys whilst I did essential tasks. My 22 year old DB still won't leave home/cook or clean for himself/get a job. Go figure!

bintofbohemia · 13/08/2010 10:15

I was the same with DS2 - I bought a bit two heavily into the idea that in some tribes children don't "touch the floor" for three months or something to that effect. I went a bit round the bend to be honest.

QueenofDreams · 13/08/2010 10:16

My DS does this and I love it. I get a lie in while he chatters away in his cot. The moment he starts crying a get up and go get him. It's been fantastic as I'm pregnant and exhausted. So as long as he's happy and not being left screaming, he's fine

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