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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it neglectful to leave LO in the cot chatting?

51 replies

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 09:52

I have been reliably informed that if LO is awake and playing in his cot, then I don't necessarily always have to go fish him out and entertain him. In fact it is good for him to have some alone time, to process all the info he sees/learns.

This comes from my parents who told me at 3 weeks to leave DS to cry because actually they have to have a good holler to open up all the alveoli in the lungs and to allow them to function properly

So should I be playing with him all the time and not leaving him alone for 20 mins at a time say, or is this ok?!

DISCLAIMER - I am well aware that this is no doubt a ridiculous question and that this is propably bloomin obvious to a well-seasoned Mother. But I'm a relative newbie!

OP posts:

Chil1234 · 13/08/2010 10:19

I think children thrive on a little boredom, actually. Means they have to use their imaginations and entertain themselves rather than relying on outside stimulus all the time. Personally speaking, I can't do baby games for more than 10 minutes with any kind of enthusiasm. Chatting in the cot is a good start, I'd say. Don't knock it.

comtessa · 13/08/2010 10:21

Thanks for this all, DC1 due in November and am just realising that I have no idea about the day-to-day stuff!

ChippingIn · 13/08/2010 10:25

As everyone has said, it is good for him - and you.

You will drive yourself into the ground being an entertainment package for your DS every minute he's awake and you will make him unable to amuse himself - not a situation you want to get into!!

So yes, Mum is right

Not to sure about the lung thing though, I dare say if there is any truth in it at all, he's past the stage where it would help him any - but what do I know, I'm no Dr

VoidofDiscovery · 13/08/2010 10:29

A tip for the future, if your child is playing happily by themselves, leave them to it.

susitwoshoes · 13/08/2010 10:40

slight thread hijack - DD (nearly 8 months) has become dreadfully clingy, I can barely leave the room without her bawling away and it can take an age to calm her back down again, even if I've been gone less than a minute. Any tips?

I do leave her lying in the cot if she wakes from a nap and is chatting away, she can't sit herself up. When people are saying they popped the baby in the cot whilst doing chores or whatever, did you have them sitting or lying down - she can sit unaided.

Thanks, sorry for the hijack OP - am glad you asked the question as although I do do this I feel a bit guilty about it! Can see there's no need now.

Fluteyboots · 13/08/2010 10:59

susi think that is probably separation anxiety, common for it to kick in at 8 or so months. Apparently is a developmental step (trying to see the positive ) as they start to understand about distances.

My little chap hasn't been so bad yet, but from others I have heard keeping talking or singing as you leave the room can help, and making sure you keep smiling as you depart.

Before could get himself sitting but could stay there once put, I did put him in that position in the cot. A couple of times he toppled, but not far to go and didn't seem to bother him. He just hated lying too much as he couldn't play with his stuff. He was able to roll over easily and shuffle around though so I knew he wouldn't be getting too stuck.

susitwoshoes · 13/08/2010 11:14

thanks Flutey, will give that a go. Good to know it's a development - feels like a regression right now!

Species8472 · 13/08/2010 11:38

OP, of course it's not negectful. I regularly leave 13m DD to it while she chats to herself and plays when she wakes up in the morning. As it's often 5.30-6am these days I ain't getting up before I have to! When she gets bored and starts shouting then I oh so reluctantly heave myself out of bed to attend to her.

StealthPolarBear · 13/08/2010 11:41

Well you can leave him in his cot, but you can also let him play in the room you're in as you get on with whatever you're doing. That way you get to talk to him and he gets to see life happening around him too

JuicyLips · 13/08/2010 11:51

I too do this, dd is in her playpen playing right now and ds is amusing himself in front of cbeebies my excuse is dd was up til late last night and ds woke me up very early this morning so need this time to rest before work later!

SloanyPony · 13/08/2010 11:52

I've always been a fan of leaving my children to play by themselves. Its not that I never join them on the floor, I do, but I've never been one to sit on the sofa just holding them or cuddling them for big long lengths of time - hours I mean - I just am one of those people who is up and down, up and down, always thinking of things I have to do and get done.

So I'd feed my baby, wind them and change them, have a little cuddle and a game, and then settle them on the floor, with some toys, and then go and potter around.

I was lucky in that they were never crying type babies, my 2nd one didn't even cry to feed. She can go days and days without crying. She's 9 months now.

Re the cot thing - yes, you can leave them when they wake in the morning or after they've woken from a nap if they are not crying and due a feed - if you just hear them chortling away to themselves, absolutely. This is how I have a shower in the morning - when I hear her babbling away I know she is awake so I get in the shower, as its always 15 or more minutes before she'd get impatient. My son was hungrier than her so I'd feed him, have a cuddle in bed, open all the curtains etc then pop him back in the cot with his mobile on. When he was older I tended to wait till the morning nap to have a shower but he was firstborn so I didn't have to go out before then therefore there was no reason to be ready for the day and dressed till later.

Encourage it! I always have and at 3, my son is very independent. We arrive at soft-play and he's gone, I dont see him for 3 hours! We are also very bonded - at the end of the day, when we are in for the evening and about to do dinner etc, he will sit on me for a cuddle and play with my hair and say cute things.

The two children are also very good at going off and playing together! And at 9 months, if they "need" you, they can "tell" you - my daughter will crawl up to me and pull up on my legs if she needs picking up and cuddling - which I love!

YANBU

EveWasFramed72 · 13/08/2010 11:55

YANBU or neglectful...I had two babies who did the same thing...woke up from sleep or nap happily babbling away for a good half hour or so before they called for us. Loved listening to them through the monitor...the 'conversations' they'd have with their toys were hilarious!

Don't know about the lung thing...didn't leave mine to cry, and at 4 and 2.10, their lungs seem to work just fine!

NewbeeMummy · 13/08/2010 12:04

As long as he can't climb out and hurt himself, there is no problem leaving him alone.

Our DD is just 9 months, and if only one of us is at home with her, she'll be left in her cot (or play pen downstairs) while we go to the loo, or have a quick shower, quickly do the hoovering (she chases the damn thing and it's near impossible to do with her trying to jump on board)

We also leave her in the living room when doing the washing up, we can see her from the sink, and the room is baby proofed, so she can't get out or hurt herself, and she seems to enjoy playing on her own.

Original poster

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 12:17

Well I've been saving getting ready/housework etc etc until he naps, when I run around like a mad thing. I usually just sit down and he wakes and then I have to be court jester until bedtime again... I do sometimes feel like my head is spinning round...

I think I'll try getting ready tomorrow morning whilst he is playing in his cot, and then I may actually get to have a cup of coffee and a sit down during his morning nap!

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 13/08/2010 12:23

I'm that you have a baby who is happy with his own company.

Enjoy!

thecatatemygymsuit · 13/08/2010 12:30

He will be fine - aren't you reassured by the fact he seems so happy in his cot?
You really don't need to be court jester - I mean this in the nicest possible way! Babies and children don't need constant in your face attention, I think it's good for them to discover things for themselves too.

arses · 13/08/2010 12:49

Oh wow, you must be exhausted! I was a bit in-your-face with ds until he got to about 6 months and I thought, God, I can't do this anymore! I had the Ipod full of nursery rhymes and I was over-exuberant about everything, waving my hands around like some sort of monkey on speed and commenting on everything.

We bought a playpen and I never looked back

Oh yeah, I also found that ds wasn't attempting to crawl/get about by himself as he would lie there grunting at me and looking at an object that had caught his eye as if expected me to move him towards it.. so, I took to 'ignoring' a bit of low-level "how dare you not tend to my every whim!" grumbling for a week or two. He began crawling almost straight away....

kickassangel · 13/08/2010 13:10

when dd was young, i went to a 'new mums' group at the health centre. there was a bit of a rule that we weren't supposed to leave them unattended (i think they wanted to stop mums leaving kids in a pram outside then going in to chat for an hour). one day i needed the toilet, and had to ask another mum to look after her while i went - dd was too young to even move herself. we both laughed - what harm can come to a baby lying on their back & playing, in a totally safe environment,

enjoy your freedom now, when they start crawling it gets much trickier.

also, think about it, if/when you have a 2nd baby, you can't spend all your time with them, unless you neglect your first child. when they're happy & settled (awake or asleep) is YOUR CHANCE to do things. so long as you can still hear them.

sapphireblue · 13/08/2010 13:33

of course YANBU. DD2 is 6 months and will wake in the morning and happily roll around her cot gurgling and chewing her gro-bag for a good 45 minutes most mornings. If she wanted my attention she wouldn't be shy in asking for it!!

Original poster

Odysseus · 13/08/2010 13:36

sapphireblue 45 mins??
First thing in the morning is one time that DS won't happily chat to himself. He wants MILK!!!!! NOW!!!! And he makes sure I know it!

OP posts:

EnglandAllenPoe · 13/08/2010 13:39

i love the fact that both of mine are happy to play by themselves in their cots (although, the 3yo is no longer contained by a mere cot, but is happy to entertain herself in her bedroom, currently her and DS are making lion noises at each other in the next room...whilst I mumsnet. Result!)

this is a very desiraable thing for your child to be doing!

Onetoomanycornettos · 13/08/2010 13:42

A good friend of mine told me that her secret to parenting her little boy was to encourage him to play on his own a bit. I found the same worked for me and always left mine to chatter in their cot in the morning and at night. I think it's a bit much to be constantly overstimulating a baby endlessly, and not sure it's desirable. Even in continuum parenting, the parents aren't waving things in front of the baby's face or singing endlessly, they are just going about their business with the child strapped to them for reassurance. We all need our down-time, under-ones included.

pozzling · 13/08/2010 13:45

Definitely NBU, I'm all for letting babies/toddlers amuse themselves for as long as they're happy. Have always done it with DD who's 2, and she will quite happily play in her cot for 30 minutes when she wakes in the morning. We lie there listening to her sing nursery rhymes, and don't generally move until she starts asking for us.

sapphireblue · 13/08/2010 13:45

Good, isn't it? I rather think I deserve it after the bloody nightmare challenge that was DD1

Intergalactic · 13/08/2010 13:47

arses, monkey on speed, I love it!

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