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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for being utterly disgusted that someone tried to dob our friend in it

57 replies

Jux · 12/08/2010 22:34

Someone told the council he'd been doing some work for us and accused him of benefit fraud. We had two housing benefit officers round this afternoon, asking us about him.

Yes, he had helped do some redecorating/refurbishing. No we had not paid him.

The worst thing is, this friend had a brain haemorhage a few years ago and if he doesn't get out and about, he just vegetates at home. He is highly skilled, but he can't work; you have to keep an eye on him - has he had a drink, does he need food, does he need a rest etc. He can't do more than a couple of hours at a time without his brain becoming exhausted: if you ask him if he'd like a drink he says "I don't know" and he doesn't.

His family are surviving - just. One of his children has special needs and behavioural problems, the other has emotional issues to do with the awful thing that happened to her dad. His wife is a good honest woman who is doing her best. Used to work her socks off trying to keep the family together, but eventually had to give up work due to strain, exhaustion and depression.

This is a family battling with dreadful circumstances, and just doing their best. They are an example to everyone with their tenacity, their goodwill, their hard work, their honesty, their kindness, their generosity.

And someone who knows them thought it was a good idea to report the poor guy. And they didn't even know whether he was being paid. They made it up. It makes me sick.

OP posts:
Jux · 12/08/2010 22:35

Rant over.

OP posts:
MrsKitty · 12/08/2010 22:38

Some people just aren't happy unless they're sticking their nose in. Angry. Arses.

scurryfunge · 12/08/2010 22:38

If he can't work and is available for redecorating/refurbishing, then I can understand why people would question that.

Jaquelinehyde · 12/08/2010 22:39

Some people just don't think before they act, and with all the hysteria in the press at the moment about 'benefit scroungers' I'm sorry to say I'm not suprised.

I hope this doesn't cause anymore stress to him and his family.

scottishmummy · 12/08/2010 22:39

local authority have duty to chase up allegations of fraud.in order to minimise fraudulent claims.unfortunately for your pal it was malicious allegation.

iamamug · 12/08/2010 22:39

Utter utter bastards!!!!!! and what a lovely friend you are..

bumpsoon · 12/08/2010 22:41

Would you like me to hunt them down ,cover them in honey and push them into a hornets nest ? A little long winded for revenge but im feeling very creative tonight Grin

Jux · 12/08/2010 22:42

He would wander round at about 11 and go home at about 3. He lives over the road; everyone knows him. Everyone knows his circumstances. Everyone knows that, as often as not, if you meet him in a shop he'll have forgotten what he came out for etc.

You have to look after him like he's a child. The council chap taking details said it was someone in our road. So it was someone who knows all of us. Probably someone whom he has helped out at some time.

OP posts:
bumpsoon · 12/08/2010 22:42

Actually forget the honey ,it may deaden the stings or soothe them ?

Jux · 12/08/2010 22:42

bumpsoon, yes I would like you to. Can you get to Devon anytime soon?

I don't know who it was though.

OP posts:
Myleetlepony · 12/08/2010 22:43

It sounds as if he's been reported by someone who knows a bit about him and what work he was doing for you, but possibly not his full medical situation.
It's rough, but surely if benefit fraud is to be reduced, people have to report suspicions? So you've had some housing officers round making enquiries, it sounds as if as a result they know that there is no fraud. So that's it really isn't it? I can understand your anger, but not sure you're being completely reasonable.

Myleetlepony · 12/08/2010 22:45

Oh, and the "council chap" was completely out of order giving you any hint at all of who reported him. It was either malicious, or misguided, but nothing should be said to assist a possible witch hunt.

SpringHeeledJack · 12/08/2010 22:47

YANBU

this culture of grassing up neighbours/friends is horrible- especially if they haven't done anything wrong

bumpsoon · 12/08/2010 22:47

No problem jux ,just tell me yours and his address and i will do the rest of the street just to be sure Grin can you tell i have a teething infant ?

bumpsoon · 12/08/2010 22:50

No myleetlepony you are mistaken a witch hunt is just what called for ,wanders off to practice best ' he/she is a witch' screech ,do you think false nails are called for to give more effect with the pointing ?

Jux · 12/08/2010 22:50

Well, I'm cross because pretty well everyone in the entire town knows him and his family and their circumstances. Why would someone, who knows how truly hard life is for them, want to make their lives even harder by depriving them of even a little bit of the tiny amount of money they have to live on?

And no, I don't want councils investigating every tiny little report. I want them to spend their energies on getting the big guys - the ones who sign on in 27 different names or get 35 pensions etc.

Life is hard enough. Don't waste time on the small fry, go for the big fish.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 12/08/2010 22:53

so is "grassing up" ok if someone has done something wrong?local authority has duty to investigate allegations.which it did

bumpsoon · 12/08/2010 22:56

bugger i havent got any ,shall cunningly fashion some out of playdoh and leave overnight to go hard . Seriousley though i really detest the whole grass on your friends/family/neighbours culture, it would leave me feeling rather grubby to do so ,if i knew (not suspected ) that someone was doing this it would be the hornets nest for themSmile

NickOfTime · 12/08/2010 23:04

i used to take the phone calls when i worked in the benefit office. quite often people would call and only give a little piece of info, and say they weren't sure but x might be working, or they had seen y doing something and didn't think that was allowed. very few people called and said 'x is claiming and working. i can tell you all about it.'

having spoken to the 'dobbers' (lol), most just appeared to be reasonably concerned citizens. some even called to report that they felt claimants were being treated unjustly, or being forced inot doing something that might be against their benefits (ie those with mild lds) - they were trying to protect them.

it sounds as though the fraud team were fine though. we just used to pass on the details and the investigators followed them up.

hope he's ok. x

ChippingIn · 12/08/2010 23:06

Rotten bastards.

FFS do some people not have anything better to do with their time than meddle???

This bloke and his family need all the help they can get and him feeling useful and getting out of his house is invaluable to them. But no, some git has to make it difficult and probably put other people off from helping them out.

Wanker - I hope you find out who it was that was so weesley.

SpringHeeledJack · 12/08/2010 23:08

scottishmummy imo no grassing up of friends or neighbours is ok. I worked on an estate a long time ago which was relatively harmonious- till the then govt started some Grassing Up Scheme.

Proper nasty. Like Jux said- go for the big fish.

hairytriangle · 12/08/2010 23:10

How sad :( and no yanbu!

scurryfunge · 12/08/2010 23:12

People seek comfort and justification that there are always people "far more dishonest than them". Big fish mentality is just false justification for doing something illegal and immoral.

scottishmummy · 12/08/2010 23:13

so if friends/neighbours on the make should be ignored?i see so is it always ok for wee pals and family to be chancers.blood thicker than water an all that shite

if you are a chancer expect to be dobbed in and in true jeremy kyle style probably your sister will do it

LucyLouLou · 12/08/2010 23:15

Oh this is horrible. I've been asking about potential benefit fraud on the Lone Parents board tonight and the general consensus is that someone I know probably is committing fraud, but I would never report said person, even though they probably are guilty. But this is just malicious. What a sweet family they sound and someone's fucking with them for what reason exactly? I hope this gets resolved well for them.

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