AIBU to expect dh to attend dd's birthday?

[Goldberry]

Ok, please be gentle - thie is my first AIBU. It is dd's 5th birthday later this month. I offered her the choice of a party or a treat. She chose to go to Gulliver's Land (theme park for little ones). Dh and I were quite relieved not to have to organise a party. I've invited both sets of grandparents, who all said they'd come. Some weeks later when I mentioned it again to dh, he announced that he didn't think he'd be coming. He said this is because he thinks it's ridiculous to pay for so many adults (6) to go to a theme park with only 2 children (dd and ds) and that he hates theme parks because they are just out to get your money. He now seems to have persuaded his dad not to go either. I think the two of them are planning to go fishing instead .
I should also point out that a) tickets for Gulliver's Land are only £13.50 b) his parents will probably offer to pay anyway and c) we may not be very well-off at the moment, but he's just been away for a whole stag weekend where he no doubt spent shedloads.
He is normally great with the dc, btw, and spends plenty of time with them, takes them places etc. He knows I'm not happy about this, but the more I think about it, the crosser I get.

I think it's important to note that your dd chose Family over her friends, Her family includes her dad and grandad.... when she made the choice I would imagine she thought at the very leaset daddy was coming?

For my own dd (also 5) if daddy was not there she would be v upset. If she found out that he'd gone and done something to please himself she would be vvv upset. (Grandad's are a bonus but Daddy is central to it being a family day out)

YANBU I would be reading the riot act, I honestly don't think it the right decision on his part and she's 5 she will remember.

Hmm. It's difficult. I absolutely do think he's being unreasonable, and should WANT to come to his own daughter's birthday party,but having read all of your different opinions and slept on it I find I have calmed down about it a little. I do want him to understand he's being selfish, but rather than having a go at him about it again (which is almost bound to leave me more angry and upset about it than him!) I might just wait and see what dd has to say about it. I certainly won't be 'doing his dirty work for him' by telling her for him. She used to be a real mummy's girl, but has become very keen on daddy lately, so she might well be miffed.

She´s going to have a lot of attention.

Maybe he feels "surplus to requirements"?

Maybe if you see them a lot he thought that the bday thing might be nice just the 4 of you?

Did your daughter ask for the GPs to be invited?

I agree that he should be thinking about it from his daughter´s POV though.

I´m not sure many men really want to go to a child´s theme park, though

True, she is going to have a lot of attention. I assure you though, diidl, there is no way he thought the bday thing might be nice just the 4 of us. He is always a bit funny about birthday occasions tbh. And Christmas. I've asked him if he had some kind of deep-seated, birthday-related trauma in his childhood, but no. It's just bah humbugness.

Oh in that case, he IBRU & needs to shape up-it´s not about him!

Tell him to stick his bah-humbug where the sun doesn't shine. He chose to be a Dad, he has to suck up the bits he doesn't enjoy and FFS help his daughter celebrate her birthday - does it mean nothing to him that you had her, 5 years ago on that day?

I just don't get it - sorry.

There is no way I would allow him to upset her on her birthday - he would be told he will be there and he will put the effort into making it a brilliant day.

I think is lovely that you all get along so well BTW. I like my inlaws and my DP likes my parents but I always feel awkward when they are all together. Too many silences, a little too much forced laughter, (even after many years) I worry too much that they are all getting along etc.

I would be cross too and I would make him come :) It's her birthday treat instead of a party of course her dad should be there if he can.

YANBU at all

YANBU.

He is her daddy. He should be there, and moreso he should want to be there, enjoying her day with her.