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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect dh to attend dd's birthday?

84 replies

Goldberry · 12/08/2010 14:48

Ok, please be gentle - thie is my first AIBU. It is dd's 5th birthday later this month. I offered her the choice of a party or a treat. She chose to go to Gulliver's Land (theme park for little ones). Dh and I were quite relieved not to have to organise a party. I've invited both sets of grandparents, who all said they'd come. Some weeks later when I mentioned it again to dh, he announced that he didn't think he'd be coming. He said this is because he thinks it's ridiculous to pay for so many adults (6) to go to a theme park with only 2 children (dd and ds) and that he hates theme parks because they are just out to get your money. He now seems to have persuaded his dad not to go either. I think the two of them are planning to go fishing instead Angry.
I should also point out that a) tickets for Gulliver's Land are only £13.50 b) his parents will probably offer to pay anyway and c) we may not be very well-off at the moment, but he's just been away for a whole stag weekend where he no doubt spent shedloads.
He is normally great with the dc, btw, and spends plenty of time with them, takes them places etc. He knows I'm not happy about this, but the more I think about it, the crosser I get.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 12/08/2010 15:43

Sorry but I am slightly with your DH here (probably because personally I hate theme parks). Most of my DDs parties when she was younger were for friends at home and DH was usually working so not able to be around - and he would have been a pita with a house full of small children and attendant mums. Now that DD is older (10) he does any necessary ferrying to and from party venue, decorating and cleaning up but does not stay for girlie pink discos etc. We usually have a party for friends and then a family do on the birthday itself. The thought of him being there with a face like a slapped arse all day would certainly put me off dragging him there under protest!

ChippingIn · 12/08/2010 15:45

Persuade him? Tell him!

It's quite simple.

'It is your Daughters 5th Birthday Treat. You will be there. It is not up for negotiation.'

Job done.

Diddle - you would choose not to celebrate your daughters birthday with her, in the way she has chosen?

GetOrfMoiLand · 12/08/2010 15:49

I'm with chipping.

'I am not happy that you have chosen to go fishing with your dad when DD is so excited to go to gulliver land. I know you don't like theme parks, but this is her birthday, this is what she has chosen to do, it is only a few hours out of your life. I will be very unahppy if you do not come.'

Re money issue OP - get the grandparents to pay for themselves, then you only have to pay entrance fee for your immediate family. And take a picnic on the day so you don't have to pay extortionate cafe prices.

Polgara2 · 12/08/2010 15:53

Nope he should definitely be there. It is his daughter's birthday fgs, of course she will want to have both her parents there and she will enjoy herself all the more if they are!

It doesn't really matter if he likes theme parks or not I am afraid, such is life with children, in fact really he should want to be there to spend the time with her - tell him he should be ashamed of himself - make him feel guilty, it's only one day!

Cretaceous · 12/08/2010 15:55

Personally, I hate theme parks. Would your children notice whether you were there or not? If I were you, I'd just let the grandparents take them out, and go off somewhere myself Wink.

It's madness for so many adults to be going round with just two children. Will you all gather round and watch them on each ride? Why do it? God, I must be a miserable old git Grin.

GetOrfMoiLand · 12/08/2010 15:58

Children's theme parks are indeed shit.

However, when you have a big 6 foot lurch of a teenager, you would pay to have the opportunity to go round a dopy theme park again, watching them get excited about going on a merry go round. Those early years go by in a flash.

I am normally a cynical old boot, but bloody hell treasure these moments. How lovely for a couple of kids to spend the day with both parents and all 4 grandparents. What lovely photos and memories.

Original poster
Goldberry · 12/08/2010 16:01

Yup - quite right about cafés GOML. Picnic already planned. Will talk to him again, so he at least knows how strongly I feel. It makes me cross that I'm seething about this instead of looking forward to dd's birthday. Still, at least she's none the wiser.

OP posts:
RiverOfSleep · 12/08/2010 16:02

I'm on the fence...

My DH often misses DCs birthday parties because of work (though he does try and call in/come to part of it) - its just part of life really. They don't mind - he makes a fuss of them when he can (often the birthday and party are on different days anyway).

I'd be kind of hurt on DCs behalf if he chose to go fishing instead. But then he could go fishing and leave in time to meet you all at home having cleaned the house and got the birthday tea ready?

My DH hates soft play centres with a passion and I'd never 'make' him go to one so I suppose if he felt the same about theme parks I'd be understanding.

Polgara2 · 12/08/2010 16:06

Will your dd be expecting him to come though (apologies if you have already said this I couldn't see it), and will she be upset if he says he isn't? Surely he wouldn't disappoint her in that case.

Definitely agree about the picnic, food in those places is dire anyway, and a picnic is part of the fun!

MumNWLondon · 12/08/2010 16:07

I am sort of with your DH on this, although if your DD wants her dad to come then YANBU -
I do see that its mad for 6 adults to go to such a theme park with 2 kids... esp as these places are expensive. Also if my parents were happy to go I'd probably get them to take DC without me!

However I doubt my DC's Gps would come. Maybe the grandmas perhaps - but certainly my Dad - he'd prefer to take her out to dinner or similar.

diddl · 12/08/2010 16:07

No, of course I would go to my child´s "party"

Although if we´ve done this sort of thing there have usually been other children also so that it has needed the two of us.

2rebecca · 12/08/2010 16:11

YANBU, but I also wonder why so many adults need to go with 2 kids and wonder why you couldn't have just gone as a family or taken 1 set of grandparents.
You say "I've invited both sets of GPs"
Was this a joint decision? If not he may be annoyed and disappointed at that.
It's still his daughter's birthday treat and I think he should go but next time get stuff agreed and decide together who to invite.

mitochondria · 12/08/2010 16:19

YANBU.

We're going to a theme park for son's 4th birthday treat soon.
Only taking one set of GPs (the others are too far away). I can understand why you need to invite both sets - could get tricky otherwise.
Husband hasn't considered trying to get out of it - but he quite likes theme parks.

Tell yours it was either that or 20 children coming round for a party, and he's organising the games.

hmmSleep · 12/08/2010 16:28

YANBU, he is being very selfish doing something for himself rather than for his daughter. Point out to him that you're not going there to enjoy the theme park rides yourself, but to help your daughter celebrate her birthday in the way she has chosen.

To those pointing out that fathers often miss out on parties etc. due to work commitments, that is very different to missing out because you'd rather go fishing!

LucyLouLou · 12/08/2010 16:31

I'm somewhat dismayed he would choose to not attend. Even if he would prefer to go fishing, he should have the sense to think his child is more important. Not on. I'm angry on your behalf OP.

LoveBeingInBed · 12/08/2010 16:38

Totally out of order I would be fumming.

bleedingheart · 12/08/2010 16:39

YANBU

If he had to work fair enough but he's treating it as a day off to do what he wants, rather than share the celebration.

diddl · 12/08/2010 16:39

"To those pointing out that fathers often miss out on parties etc. due to work commitments, that is very different to missing out because you'd rather go fishing!"

Yes, true.

I think if he said he would stay at home & have a bday tea ready of something that might be different to him just going fishing.

Perhaps your FIL is torn & would really rather see his GD on her bday than fish with his son?

Gleeb · 12/08/2010 16:44

I would be Hmm and Angry that he would even consider not going. And the male/female split would make me cross too.

megapixels · 12/08/2010 16:51

I'm with your dh on this I'm afraid. Two children and six adults at a theme park, hmm. And if he's not going to go then it doesn't matter if he goes fishing does it? If he stayed home and had a boring time would that have been better?

I would have gone to the theme park as a family (kids and parents only) and then invited the GPs home for cake.

diddl · 12/08/2010 16:57

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think that it really wouldn´t bother me if the child wasn´t bothered.

traceybath · 12/08/2010 17:01

Well theme parks are my idea of hell and I suspect he feels let of the hook as GPs going.

However its your DD's birthday and she's not having a party so hey - he's got to suck it up hasn't he?

Or he should have spent ages getting her interested in fishing Wink

DS is 6 tomorrow and his chosen birthday treat is to go for a 10 mile bike ride with DH and then for us to go out for a curry Grin

diddl · 12/08/2010 17:09

Oh tracey that sounds fab-hope you´re not too gutted not to be invited on the bike ride!

traceybath · 12/08/2010 17:12

I'll cope Diddl Grin

I have done my duty by making chocolate fudge cake today and accept that in our house 'daddy is god' whilst mummy just does stuff Hmm

diddl · 12/08/2010 17:15

Yes, I´m always second in demand when husband is here!