to get a bit annoyed when all and sundry address me by my first name uninvited...or am I just old fashioned?

[Mowiol]

Having just been at an appointment and been addressed by my first name without invitibg the person to do so, I felt a bit annoyed. Maybe it's my age group but I was brought up never to call adults by their first name unless expressely invited to do so. I've lost count of the number of times I've been in shops, banks, car showrooms etc. and staff will look at paperwork or whatever and instantly start referring to you by your first name. One occasion, just to give an example, was when I was buying a new mobile and had filled out a form - the 12 year old (well OK maybe 19 year old!) assistant then proceeded to pepper my first name around the conversation without so much as a by-your-leave.
Mind you, I remember my grandmother used to call her friends Mrs X or Miss Y so maybe that's going too far!! Am I just too old-fashioned (and unreasonable)?

Depends on the situation.

I wouldn't expect my hairdresser, for example, to refer to me as Mrs Bunting. I would however, expect to be referred to as Mrs Bunting if I was dealing with a bank/solicitior/taking out any type of contract.

I do hate the false "chumminess" that some salespeople try to achieve by calling me Cupcakes instead of Mrs Bunting. Especially if they are younger than me.

Yes cupcakes it is a situation thing - agree about hairdressers etc. because you kind of build up relationship with them. I think the chuminess bit must be a sales ploy but - I don't like it!!

I got a letter a few weeks ago from the hospital and I was very annoyed when it read: 'dear asuwere'. I mentioned it to my mum who laughed and said that it was the 'done thing now!' So it seems, I'm more old fashioned than my mother! I also get very annoyed at the use of 'Ms' instead of 'Mrs'

YANBU IMO :)

Good - thought I was maybe just a cantankerous old hag (well I actually am really!!)

I correct them - if they call me by my first name I politely but firmly say "I prefer Mrs if you don't mind".

Actually I'm probably very annoying but I dislike it intensely. It's manners isn't it and familiarity breeds contempt as my mother used to say

It's a funny thing - my parents are definately the older generation (82 and 77!) - my dad doesn't mind nurses etc calling him by his first name, but it drives my mum potty! I'd always thought of dad as being more old-fashioned than mum but not in this respect.

For me it depends on the situation, I was having a professional discussion with a younger colleague recently and he used my first name so often that eventually I asked if he'd been on some sort of communication course which had told him to repeatedly use first names because if so, he'd gone slightly over the top and it was pissing me off....

Snowsquonk - know exactly what you mean. I'm convinced there is a course that trains people to do that! I always want to say "Yes, that's my name but don't wear it out".

When we were buying our new dining tblae before christmas, the smarmy salesman was so keen to get an extra £55 out of us by way of an extended warranty, that he really did tick off every stereotypical salesperson behaviour imagineable;

-Referring to me as Cupcakes

-Overlong handshake punctuated with a squeeze.

-Lots of longer-than-necessary eye contact (inexplicably, without blinking for long periods)

-Trying to get "chummy" with DH and trying to engage him with talk about the football, which went down like a lead balloon as DH doesn't like football.

His tone soon changed when I told him that we were covered for accidents on our home insurance

*dining TABLE, obviously.

I am a cantankerous old hag but that must be apparent to all and sundry because there are lots of people to whom I have said 'please do call me Pagwatch, you don't have to call me Mrs Cantankerous. Do you mind me calling you Bloke instead of Mr Bloke Builder?" They still call me Mrs...

The one I loathe is when I introduce myself and the adult I am speaking to shortens it in a faux chummy way. Happened the other day I said "Nice to meet you Elizabeth, I am Pagwatch" and two minutes later she said " so where do you live Pag". 2 bloody minutes. Cheeky mare.

Wouldn't mind but I loathe the short version of my name and no one except my mum ever uses it.
I couldn't bear it and had to say please don't call me that. I am sure I seemed really snotty.

I really dislike the formality of being called Mrs/Ms/Miss In. I much prefer Chipping and if anyone does call me Miss/Ms/Mrs In, I will ask them not to. It's old fashioned and not my 'name'...

I am suprised anyone under 70 would prefer to be addressed as Mrs Surname.

I guess they can't win

However, I equally hate the 'repeatedly using your name' thing that sales people use - that is also a technique that should have been left on the Arc. When it's completely overdone, it makes me CRANKY and very unlikely to buy anything other than earmuffs!

That's not snotty! It's your name and if you don't want it shortened then say so. I've done that too. My name is bad enough without shortening it to something even worse!

can't bear being called mrs and i have been one for 20yrs!

Nobody calles me by my first name. I just became DS's mom. And he is only two!

But I agree I do not like being called by my first name all and sundry. In my past professional life , I never used to use my first name. If men are always called by their surnames, so will I be was the thought.

YANBU I dont like it either. If you are sending me something in a professional manner I expect to be called Mrs X not by my first name.

I have been known to tell people Mrs X when they started off caling me by my first name.

However if they say May I use your first name I have never said no. but I expect the curtesey of the question

My parents, bless them, gave me an unusual christian name in an era when such things were considered a bit odd. It is very similar to a couple of other, much more frequently-used names. Then, to make matters even worse, they decided to give me a different 'first' name, while calling me by by second. So in situations where people who don't know me call me by my christian (first) name (rather than Mrs X), half the time, I don't actually register that it is me they are talking to. Then we move on to getting them to use my second name, which they mishear/mispronounce as one of the commoner variants. Then we move on to 'Oh well, can't I just call you Die'.

Hence, Neversaydie!

Oh, and if I am feeling really bloody-minded about it, actually, I am not Mrs X, I am Dr X.

So in answer to the OP, I am fine with Christian name (second name, correctly pronounced, not shortened) or I am fine with Mrs or Dr X. Personally I think that Mrs/Dr X is a lot easier to get right, but formality does seem to be seen as dangerous these days. Not half as dangerous as calling me Die though!

It's impossible to get it right with me

I ex[pect mail etc to be addressed to Mrs P, and GP appts to go the same way.

But once I have spoken to you a few times (eg the secretary at school whom I speak to most days) I really want to be known as C, becuase actually my surname is silly and its all so formal

Neversaydie - I have a Dr title too and yes, I have used it when someone has gotten up my nose. For example - car salesman phones house to ask how DH is getting along with new car. He said to me "Are you the wife then?"!!! So I said "Yes, I'm Dr X". I know it was pompous but the confused "ooh err" at the other end of the phone was worth it. I'm not usually that up myself and only use the Dr at work but he just pushed the wrong buttons

We have tried to instill in DD that she should address her elders (she is 4) by Mr or Mrs X however this is made very difficult when those adults then say "oh no call me insert first name" - No if I wanted my child to do that then I would ask you - I want my child to grow up respecting her elders and out of courtesy until she is your peer as an adult she should pay you some respect.
The worse one though was the social friend from Mums and Tots who said "oh she can call me Auntie So n So" - uh No she can't as you are not her Auntie

So no YANBU

YABU

Reminds me of friend whose a GP who gets cross if the receptionists call her by her first name rather than Dr xxxx. And those are people she works with.

I would call 'older' people Mr or Mrs whatever but to me it is rather old-fashioned.

I work in an office where everyone refers to everyone by their first name. I have worked for around 5 different companies, including being an auditor (hence seeing inside countless more) and at work now in business situation first names are the norm.

I find it odd if anyone calls me by my surname, which is afterall DH's surname. TBH when they say Mrs X. I think they are talking about DH's mum! Actually I almost find it insulting, like a - do I really look so old that you have to call me by my surname?

So OP - I think you are being unreasonable.

MumNWLondon and tracybath - I obviously don't expect people who I have a friendship/work relationship with to call me Mrs/Dr/Ms - but I do get narked about salespeople etc. who have only just met me instantly using my first name particularly when they are younger than my own children. And by the way my grown children's friends have been calling me by my first name for a few years because I told them to.

as a teacher, i got so used to being mrs angel, that it does sound odd if someone i barely know uses my first name.

what really annoys me is when you get a business letter singed from firstname lastname.
how do you reply to that? in the letter, you can reply to 'dear firstname lastname' but what do you put in the address? Or, even if you don't use any form of 'mr, mrs, ms, dr, rev' etc, how do you know if you should refer to them as male or female if they have a name like 'chris'.

but the worst, that absolute worst, is getting those advertising letters that say 'dear kickass'. you know what, i will NEVER give money to a complete stranger who wanders up & uses my first name. doing it in a 'business letter' (where, of course, i have been pre-approved for ...) is not going to make me hand over money. if this is a serious financial offer, make some attempt to sound serious.

in general, i agree with moanyarse about my expectations. incidentally, i find that here in the US they are more inclined to the formal than informal.

But Mrs Snaplegs surely it's more respectful to address people as they prefer to be addressed.

I can see your issue with the auntie thing but if people prefer to be called by their first name, them imho it's far ruder to ignore their wishes and tell your child to call them Mrs X.

I hate being called Miss/Ms LTBR,even by children.

And it's quite possible to respect adults by still calling them by their first name if that's what they prefer.