to get a bit annoyed when all and sundry address me by my first name uninvited...or am I just old fashioned?

[Mowiol]

Having just been at an appointment and been addressed by my first name without invitibg the person to do so, I felt a bit annoyed. Maybe it's my age group but I was brought up never to call adults by their first name unless expressely invited to do so. I've lost count of the number of times I've been in shops, banks, car showrooms etc. and staff will look at paperwork or whatever and instantly start referring to you by your first name. One occasion, just to give an example, was when I was buying a new mobile and had filled out a form - the 12 year old (well OK maybe 19 year old!) assistant then proceeded to pepper my first name around the conversation without so much as a by-your-leave.
Mind you, I remember my grandmother used to call her friends Mrs X or Miss Y so maybe that's going too far!! Am I just too old-fashioned (and unreasonable)?

I'm not married but seem to get all my mail address to Mrs Fig now, whether I like it or not. I got a British Gas bill at a hormonally challenging time and phoned them up to make them change it to Miss Fig. In the manner of MISS Diana Ross and MISS Liza Minelli.

Or maybe I just have a 'married' face.

I would always have caled people I owrked with bytheir first names. And after a while you can fall into using their first names.
But my experience of business is that you address people as Mr, Mrs, Ms Or Miss until you feel that they will be comfortable with informality.
I think Dh ( who still works in the industry i left IYSWIM) would be staggered if someone rolled up to meet him at a business meeting and imediately called him by his first name. I don't think that would happen. I think it would smack of being unprofessional.
If one of my team had called a client by their first name without getting an indication that it was OK I would have bollocked them.

I must ask him if things have changed [gimmer]

YANBU. Personally I don't mind so much if people call me by my first name but I do find it slightly when people then go one step further and shorten my first name!!

For example if my name were Emma to call me "Ems" or if my name were Samantha to call me "Sam-o". Thats just plain cheeky IMO.

I REALLY hate that repetitive thing that telecallers do. I had one on from Next last night - 'So Miss Tuesday, actually it will cost xx and that's a one off payment Miss Tuesday. How would you feel about that Miss Tuesday? Is it something you'd be interested in Miss Tuesday?'

It wasn't.

I don't mind it generally, as someone using Mrs makes me feel old.

However, I do resent it if, for example, a doctor calls me by my first name, then expects me to address him (it's usually a 'him' in these circumstances) as Dr Uphimself. No, I'll use your first name if you're using mine. And if you don't like that, then you may address me as Dr. TheSorceress, as I too have that title.

Mowiol and Neversaydie - I do the same, I only ever use title Dr in emails of complaint, or to be snotty to cold-callers!!

I remember vividly being at Uni, and having not the faintest clue what to call my lecturers - using 'Dr X' seemed formal, as it was a social situation, and first names seemed rude, as they hadn't indicated it was okay. Years later I told them that was a big dilemma - they now tell new students to use their first names.

For mail, and appointments etc, though, absolutely should be addressed using a title. I hate 'Ms.' though. I'd rather be Miss, Mrs, or even, as BT seem to insist, Mr.

I probably contradict myself as I do prefer to be called Miss X but it infuriates me when in reference to my ds they see his surname then all of a sudden I am Mrs ds'ssurname. That is a different issue entirely.

I can't stand it when people just start using your first name in professional situations.

I had this with my bank and I did write to them and said I didn't feel it appropriate that a person I've just met called me by my first name. It also annoyed me as I doubt she would have done it to a pensioner, for example.

all correspondence should be your title and surname, until they are told otherwise.

unfortunateyl, the etiquette is that if you are speaking to a superior of a peer then you should introduce yourself as firstname surname and if you are speaking to a subordinate, you should call yourself title surname.

this doesn't work so much in society these days, but certainly in a business relationship you should expect title surname until you tell them otherwise - they may ask, because at least then they're not assuming.

i can't wait now until i am asked "is this Mrs DHSurname" and I have to go "no, it's still Ms nickelbabe".
however, i don't mind people calling me by my first name, but i do want them to be told they're allowed first.

because of the confusion with titles these days, i think that's why it's become normal to call by first name - saves the "i'm not a Mrs you scrotbag!!" kind of confrontation!

like sisterlola, i don't mind being asked if thissurname is my name, i don't want them to assume it is.

Since parents became so much more creative with childrens names, I have noticed that people are far more likely to get mine right first time. It is a very pleasant change.

I am happy enough with being called by my christian name, by people who return the courtesy. If they want Title Sirname, then I expect the same in return. I guess that does for medics, bankers, teachers and lawyers...

And I do enjoy the stunned silence when someone phones and asks for Dr X.

^LetThereBeRock Thu 12-Aug-10 15:40:42
But Mrs Snaplegs surely it's more respectful to address people as they prefer to be addressed.

I can see your issue with the auntie thing but if people prefer to be called by their first name, them imho it's far ruder to ignore their wishes and tell your child to call them Mrs X.

I hate being called Miss/Ms LTBR,even by children^

Couldn't agree more.

I am staggered how many of you expect to be called Mrs xxxxxx until you have given permission for someone to use your given name. Staggered.

I am always somewhat amused by people who take it upon themselves to shorten my name when they've only just met me. I would understand more if it was a Samantha -> Sam type thing but it's not, it's not a name 'in it's own right' - think along the lines of Donna --> Dons (it's not though!) Maybe I'm just too short for all of my name :) (It's only 7 letters, but 3 syllabuls)

Don't understand why its staggering ChippingIn - it's personal choice/generational and in some cases a professional thing. I just don't see why someone I've just been served by in a shop, bank or whatever thinks it's appropriate to act like my buddy. I have absolutely no problem with telling people who I have some sort of real relationship with to use my first name.

I agree it is definitely a personal choice. Not so sure about generational exactly as I am 29 and have been a bit disappointed at never having been addressed as Mrs. H.

I took DH's surname because I liked it better than mine and I wish people would use it.

Mowiol - I'm sorry, I don't understand why you are questioning that I should find it staggering that so many people of my generation still insist on something I find incredibly old fashioned and completely unnecessary?

I didn't say you weren't entitled to feel that way - I'm just staggered that you do.

I don't understand why you feel that someone in a shop is so beneath you, that you feel it necessary to show your 'importance' by being addressed as Mrs Mowiol.

They used your name - they didn't ask you if you wanted to go for a drink. It's not acting like your buddy, it's calling you by your 'given' name.

I have absolutely no problem with telling people who I have some sort of real relationship with to use my first name. Yep, staggered that you feel the need to give people permission to use your 'given' name.

I can see that on this thread I am in the minority and I am staggered by that - surely that's my perogative, as much as it's your perogative to insist people address you in a formal manner.

LLKH - there's time yet :)

i would not like to be called as mrs/ms whatever by someone in a shop, much rather the first name. i think most people do prefer that these days tbh, so cant blame them for using it

I much prefer being called by my first name, but TBH it is quite rare for anyone to refer to me as Miss XXX. If they do i ask them not to and to call me by my first name instead (including children).

I hate being called 'Mrs'. Makes me feel old.

ChippingIn - at what point did I suggest that anyone was beneath me? Or that I had to show my importance. You are putting words in my mouth and being a bit unfair. I was merely surprised that you used the word "staggered". Lots people my age and above were brought up like this, Do I have to point out again that I'm talking about the kind of encounter where I am customer/client etc. and not about friends, acquaintances, work colleagues? I am entitled to think that a complete stranger in a shop or bank does not have the "right" to call me by my first name becasue they don't know me and haven't asked.

I do not like being called by my first name at all- its an unusual name, many people dont say it right and to be honest I dont like the presumed chummieness of it, puts my hackles right up! My name sounds right said by a colleauge or friend with an attempt at the correct pronunciation, it sounds awful mangled in the mouth of some coldcaller.
I was Ms Pingviner, now Dr Pingviner. Thats simple and easy to say

I work by the rule that everyone is Miss/Mrs/Mr Name unless they request me to call them by their first name. Except very small toddlers I suppose
I am polite, formal and regularly irritated.

People in shops don't tend to call me anything. If they do it will probably be Mrs Pagwatch because that is what is on my accounts cards
If I walk into my bank and the Manager ( whom I have never met) calls me by my first name I will think he lacks professionalism.

I am also not sure it is an age thing.
My sons friends are 17/18 and call me Mrs Pagwatch, they call their teachers Sir or Mrs/Miss Teacher and they would call people they meet in a business or formal context by their surname unless told to do otherwise.
When Ds1 went to do work experience and at his interviews he would not use a first name unless that is how the other person introduced themselves or if he was invited to.
I don't think it is age at all.

YANBU...

hang on, it's not 1952, so YABU.

Some of you old hags need to lighten up and pull that stick out of your ass.

Sorry I forgot to say I don't like being called Mrs Ginger, I just quite like being called Ginger. Or whatever my maiden name was.
Is it very 1952?

ahh. The infinite charm of the mannerless.....
I believe you have made my point quite beautifully.

I think I will keep my stick and learn to live with your disapproval thanks

I work in the medical profession and I never refer to a patient by their first name unless they are a minor or have insisted that I do.
In a professional capacity it is the respectful thing to do.