to get a bit annoyed when all and sundry address me by my first name uninvited...or am I just old fashioned?

[Mowiol]

Having just been at an appointment and been addressed by my first name without invitibg the person to do so, I felt a bit annoyed. Maybe it's my age group but I was brought up never to call adults by their first name unless expressely invited to do so. I've lost count of the number of times I've been in shops, banks, car showrooms etc. and staff will look at paperwork or whatever and instantly start referring to you by your first name. One occasion, just to give an example, was when I was buying a new mobile and had filled out a form - the 12 year old (well OK maybe 19 year old!) assistant then proceeded to pepper my first name around the conversation without so much as a by-your-leave.
Mind you, I remember my grandmother used to call her friends Mrs X or Miss Y so maybe that's going too far!! Am I just too old-fashioned (and unreasonable)?

I don't mind the first name thing on principle but 2 things about it really piss me off.
My first name is a unisex name, and a lot of people assume (why?) that it can't be my name and so call me by my (very feminine) middle name. TO which I don't respond in a petulant 'I have heard you but that's not my name so fuck off until you learnt o read' kind of way.
The other one is when people correct my name,
As in
Hello Mrs x
Oh, I prefer Ilythia
Oh, thanks Ilythaaaar
No, it's Ilythia
That's what I said Ilythaaar
wankers

(in context it's like saying my name is Lucy and them saying it's Lucille. really, it's that fucking different)

Is this a British thing? I am at how many of you expect to be addressed so formally. I have been in practice 20 years and we call all patients by their first names and I think I have had maybe 3 people in all that time say they'd rather be addressed as Mr/Mrs X. All my patients also call me by my first name and I would think it really weird if they didn't.

I don't think it's OK unless you have a previous relationship with that person or have their permission to call them by their first name.

Pag - that's interesting that your ds and his friends call adults Mr/Mrs... because that's SO rare these days.

Actually, I've been meaning to start a thread about this for ages

im not very old,,but the community i grew up in,we never called anyone older than us by their names,,even my big brother is respected,,crazy i know,imagine my horror when i moved to SA and my boss introduced himself by first name,,i got used to it though,,

FF a few yrs later,im in Europe,,was horrified that the little children,toddlers would call their kindergaten teachers by name,,no mrs,or miss or ms,,

and the in laws,,as soon as i met my FIL i heard myself saying 'dad',he loved it and its what i call him,,even MIL who hates my guts i call her mum,,shame on me,but i can't call her by first name..im 31 by the way...

thoughts over here, please

I don't mind being called Mrs or Ms, but what irritates me is when people cut off the first part of my double-barrelled surname. So let's say my MN is HolaSpeedyGonzalez (first name Hola; surname Speedy Gonzalez), they'll say: "Are you HolaSpeedyGonzalez?" I say: "Yes". They then say: "So, MrsGonzalez, how can I help you?"

I am far too politely English (not Mexican! ) to say what I want to say, which is: "Well, you can help me by first referring to me by my name, not my MIL's name." I would love to be able to be a bit more snotty with people sometimes and not give a shit.

Anyway, I also agree that a stranger in a business context calling you by your first name is far too familiar. I always think it's best to err on the side of caution and let the client tell you if they'd rather you used their first name.

Mr Snobear (arf arf) - you been drinking again?!

chipmonkey - perhaps many of your patients actually don't appreciate you calling them by their first time but won't say anything? Elderly people in particular should not be addressed by their first name imo - quite disrespectful imo.

Sorry should say 'first name'

chipmonkey - i would agree that it is a british thing. ireland is much more informal generally (although i generally hate generalisations!)and it is fairly standard for first names to be used.

personally i hate being called by anything but my first name.

I find it a bit pompous to be referred to as Mrs treas, especiallly as Mrs treas is my MIL.

I always introduce myself by my first name to my dcs friends as I feel that if I get to call them by their first names why should they have to refer to me in a formal manner.

What I absolutely detest is when friends talking to their dcs call me Aunty treas - I'm not a family member. As a child I used to get really confused as to who was a real relative.

Ilythia - my friend Vicky gets that too - they'll insist on calling her Victoria even when she tells them it isn't Victoria but Vicky - it's like they think she doesn't know her own name ... very odd.

SpeedyG - is the 'speedy' bit of your name an obvious surname (Smith) or could it be a middle name (Hayley)?

YABU. It's 2010. Deal with it.

Can someone explain what time has to do with it? If something is polite, it's polite, whether it's 2010 or 1510. Using the time as an argument against this sort of politeness seems such an inadequate rationale.

Chipping - the 'Speedy' bit is a well-known man's name. So the person would have to be an idiot to think it's my first name. Unless I actually look like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=top5doa.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/samuel_l_jackson_cool_with_gun.jpg&imgrefurl=clothes67108.info/egyptian-costume-ideas.htm&usg=__xhtNL2cyCrzQm_5UhMPJIbChc8E=&h=415&w=305&sz=372&hl=en&start=1&sig2=2JwoVG6IE8b4t3cO8JvQOQ&tbnid=Ah6_V73wpU2k9M:&tbnh=125&tbnw=92&ei=Al5kTKHiKKSgOMXS3LkJ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsamuel%2Bl%2Bjackson%2Bperm%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D617%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this and haven't realised. But hell, if I met someone who looked like that, I'd call him 'Sir'!

it has everything to do with time - because these are the social norms of the current era.

In 10 or 20 years, it will be even less common to find children referring to adults as Mr and Mrs. So what? It's not rude, just the norm.

But chandellina, you're wrong - clearly there is a variety of social norms of the current era; you just want to get rid of the ones that you don't agree with. So it has nothing to do with time, and everything to do with personal preference.

i don't think that's true. i honestly don't have a strong opinion either way, though i do find it a little funny to be addressed as Mrs. mysurname, since it's my maiden name. (and its my mother's name, though she's married to someone else now but didn't take his name!)

I only think that it's become far more common than not for both children and adults to address each other by their first names, in all personal and professional situations.

I think the tipping point is past. I could be wrong though.

I prefer to be addressed by people using my first name and that includes the children I teach but appreciate that is probably because I'm more used to it than being called Mrs SE13.

I think it's polite to use whichever form of address a person introduces themselves as e.g. if someone says their name is Nicola then I wouldn't dream of asking if I could call them Nic/Nicky!

At school, because it is the custom to use titles and surnames, I expect children and adults to address me as Mrs SE13, not Miss SE13. I detest being called 'Miss' and ignore people who can't be bothered to use my name. I always write my name up on the board if I'm covering PPA/a different class and ensure that the children know that I expect them to ask me to tell them my name again rather than opt for the lazy, "Miiiiiiiiiiiiiss". When parents ask me my name I always say, "I'm Mrs SE13 to your DC but I'd prefer you to call me Realname". I then ask what they'd like me to call them.

My own children know to call people by the names they've used to introduce themselves even if that means using a different name for a different situation e.g. DD1 is at my school but we've known a couple of the other teachers (outside of school and years before I taught there) since before she was born. She calls them Miss Whatever and Mr Man when at school/talking to school friends and uses their first names when on family picnics etc.

Ahh, your 'YABU' sounded like you did take a strong anti-stance, I apologise!

If the tipping point really has been passed, I am going to push with all my might to tip the balance back towards the 1800s !

Speeds - you do look like that :Pppppppppp

OK - I was holding out some hope that the first part of your double barrelled surname could have been mistaken as part of your first name or middle name - but no, sounds like people are just stoopid !!

Quite, and when faced with such eejits, believe me, I wish I could look like old Samuel J in that pic!

And while we're at it, I HATE social kissing!

I'll kiss my kids, I'll even kiss my husband (well, now and then), I might even SNOG you.

But I hate having to kiss to get out of a party/room/lift.

I always give my name as Mrs X in business-type situations (banks, shops, etc). This must come over as really pompous but it is so much easier than having to say my name three times, then spell it and still have them get it wrong!

Funny thing the old kissing - I am not touchy feely at all - but as I've gotten older I've become a bit more huggy/kissy. But only with friends and family. Don't like that "air-kissing" thing. I tend to give more "proper" hugs now than I used to. Maybe it's my advancing old age. I do love hugging and kissing my little grandson - I could actually eat him up he's so sweet.

I always think it's important to connect physically when I meet someone. A handshake is too formal, and a shag probably sliiiiightly inappropriate. So I tend to think a genuine hug and a kiss are a lovely way to greet and connect.