... to be annoyed at the Muslim who prays next to me in work?

[Beethoven]

I share a small office with two other people. A new guy has started who's a muslim, and will roll out his mat and start praying behind me. I know it doesn't hurt me, but I feel a little uncomfortable for the few minutes that he does it.

Am I being an unreasonable bigot?

Basically this guy can do what he wants, however disruptive. He can claim discrimination if there is a complaint, or harassment if someone brings up the issue with him, or he can comolain himself about the lack of a prayer room. so i would be very wary about hoe this is approached.

YANBU for finding it a bit unusual if you have never come across this before, but I think you should speak to him about it and get to know him. He would probably really appreciate the friendly gesture.
If you work in a big enough company I would say a room set aside for prayer would be a pretty reasonable request.

So you can't explain why it works only one way. As I thought.

Painting him as a fundamentalist? No, as an inconsiderate colleague.

Who said the guy can "do what he wants"? Clearly he has permission or he'd have been stopped by now, wouldn't he? There's no double standards, just you conflating and assuming.

No one's said he gets in the way or flails about or is loud - you've decided all this yourself.

I tend to ask myself in these situations: "What would Jesus do?"

Obviously, he'd hang around with 12 mates, living on benefits and the odd magic trick, the lazy bastard, so he's no help here.

Read my previous post in response to how praying could be annoying and affect office work. If SHE has to be sensitive then so does he. For all he knows she could be profoundly atheist or a Hindu. He has no idea, he hasn't asked. Why do you assume he has permission?

I didn't say ffailing.. what an offensive term to use about Islamic prayer. I said rocking, standing and prostration. I doon't k.ow if these Re part of prayer outside a mosque. Do you?

I don't think he could be "stopped" without risking accysations of harassment and discrimination.

Just looked it up and the dimplest salat is instructed to involve hands in the air, sitting on heels, head to the ground, standing and combinations of those. That is not "flailing". It is something worth bringing up if you are planning to do it acouple of times a day behind soomeone's office chair.

Just looked it up and the dimplest salat is instructed to involve hands in the air, sitting on heels, head to the ground, standing and combinations of those. That is not "flailing". It is something worth bringing up if you are planning to do it acouple of times a day behind soomeone's office chair.

Salat involves: Standing up, hands behind each side of your head (a bit as if you were scratching your ears), Standing up with both hands on you tummy,bending (a bit like a japanese greeting), kneeling on the floor , head touching the floor. All that does not go anywhere outside praying mat. There is rocking involved. THe moves are very gentle, not like disco dansing or aerobics. Most praying mat size are about 60cm over 90cm/1m.

Tolerance.

OP you need to go away and look up this word.

Sorry if this short and a bit abrupt but your post has really pissed me off. You sound just like my 60+ mother who announced - having just landed from Dubai that it was totally inappropriate - all those Muslims praying all over the shop.

On second thoughts.

Absolutely. no flailing there. but too much to assume it doesn't need to be mentioned politely as possibly affecting others' work.

Rollmops - Your post didnt make sense. That is why i asked what you were trying to say. Silly to get so worked up about a mistake in your post. I hope you enjoyed the hot coals

It is as inappropriate in an office as would be rolling out a yoga mat and doing sun salutations.

padmehum Why must OP show tolerance? Why is her opinion that she finds it "uncomfortable" not viable? Perhaps her colleague should display tolerance and not upset her.

Works both ways ya know!

"Why doesn't he have ti get cinfortable with the way most offices around the world fu nction, including those with many Moslem workers? Why doesn't he nneed to show sensitivity and respect?"

I'm lost; is he trying to make her pray with him? Is he making comments to her about all those who don't pray, or don't do so at specific times in specific way and judging them to be lesser?

If he's not doing this, then he is showing sensitivity and respect.

I'd suggest that the most simple way of dealing with the situation is either to talk to him about his prayer routines until they're no longer off-putting, wait a while until they're no longer off-putting, or put in a suggestion that a designated rest-room might be provided for people who want to pray or go and have a sweary rant, or eat a quick sandwich, or express or all the other things that aren't necessarily fine in all offices throughout the world.

I pray all the time at work. I just happen to be of a religion where I can do that without anyone noticing. Bit like pelvic floor exercises.

But it is noisy distracting full of movement and can affect office routines. Assuming none of this is important is NOT his prerogative and is NOT displaying zensitivity.

Sotimes i do think this extreme and craven "tolerance" is strongest in those who have never lived abroad in a radically diiferent culture, and tried to fit in and respect tbe norms of your chosen situation. Assuming this bloke is British of course, he should and will know that it's not routine behaviour and he needs to be guided by his respe t for others.

SkiHorse, you are right, she is perfectly entitled to be bigoted and intolerant of another person's beliefs. Just as it's my right to disagree with that - on the basis that I believe we all have the right to worship and pray as we see fit.

The OP herself questions whether or not she is a bigot which suggests that her reaction to the prayer is twofold - uncomfortable at the prospect of witnessing prayer and uncomfortable at the prospect of being a bigot.

"But it is noisy distracting full of movement and can affect office routines."

I don't know what this particular man is doing, but a quick check with my Muslim colleague tells me that the prayers are silent and the movement no greater than someone doing physio stretches. If a colleague had put a shoulder out I wouldn't stop them moving in similar ways at regular intervals.

Sometimes things happen in offices that can affect those office routines. It happens. A big part of working in an open plan office is learning to deal with these distractions as and when they happen.

British culture is changing all the time, not just through immigration and absorbing other cultures, but also through it's own normal social development. This is why it's no longer the norm to, for example, smack an errant child.

People, in fact each individual person is going to have some sort of take on some sort of theism or philosophy. There's pretty much no point in trying to convert any of these individuals to another point of view - they'll either believe it or they wont. There's no point in banning all religion or insisting on religion; you can't force belief and there's no point in pretending either way.

Having accepted that whatever rules or edicts are passed, people will believe (or not) in whatever they believe (or not), you have to work out how to deal with the implications of that.

The assertion of 'no - you can pray but only if you do it our way' can be extremely limiting to the workforce. I personally prefer the option of 'you can pray in whatever way you choose as long as your designated tasks are completed on time'. It widens the potential workforce to those who wouldn't otherwise be able to work for me.

I just think it's more productive to say 'your culture requires x, mine requires y - how can we make them work together?'. This is just my opinion though.

You don't think that at all. You don't thi.k i have the right to do whatever i want in the name of wgatever religion i designate as my chosen get out of jail free card.

YANBU. If you feeling uncomfortable, than you are feeling uncomfortable. I would probably feel the same. I think people have gone crazy with putting tolerance to anything/everything first, being scared to be blamed for discrimination. As if any classifying words like "muslim" or "black person" should be prohibited? It is just some sort of classification, that's all. I actually think that office is an office, and a prayer is not a natural practice of an office, and the muslim person either should find a private space for prayers, or discuss it with the colleagues. I think even friendly explanation "it's ramadan now, I am a muslim, sorry do you mind if I pray" would help to settle a nice atmosphere.
I am just being a bit about all people that are overtolerant, I guess... (being married to a black guy myself and sharing a house with a muslim) :)

i You don't think that at all. You don't thi.k i have the right to do whatever i want in the name of wgatever religion i designate as my chosen get out of jail free card.

No, I don't. I believe in compromise, which is pretty much what I stated. He is not forcing her to join in, he is not (I'm assuming) insisting that he only works with people who follow his religious system - he appears to accept that people in other religions and those without a religion do things differently.

He's praying. If he's doing this in a routine fashion which is pretty much what he's doing, it can be worked around. These are prayers potentially 3 times a day (the other two being at dawn or dusk, potentially one of the three might happen outside of work time) for about 10 minutes at a time. Wouldn't it be possible for OP to simply go on a tea-break for those times if the vision of it is that offensive? Has she even raised the issue with the man involved to see if they can find a better space for it?

If in the name of religion he's stripping naked and dancing across the desk then that would require an entirely different set of compromises. Obviously.

If the OP genuinely cannot work in an office without being distracted by movement and the occasional noise, then he/she needs to request a private office and explain that. Otherwise, it's a part of sharing an office.

That was to padme.

Worzel none of what you've said though there's a lot to agree with does actuaaly undermine his responsibility to show sensitivity and respect. You hwve given lots of good reasons why he should seek to inderstand others' feelings! He is the one seeking to introduce the. hange, he shouldn;t just barge in with assumptions. If he is british he will know thats not the right andconsiderate way. If he is not then he should be trying too understand not assuming.