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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be annoyed at the Muslim who prays next to me in work?

476 replies

Beethoven · 11/08/2010 13:39

I share a small office with two other people. A new guy has started who's a muslim, and will roll out his mat and start praying behind me. I know it doesn't hurt me, but I feel a little uncomfortable for the few minutes that he does it.

Am I being an unreasonable bigot?

OP posts:
mippy · 11/08/2010 13:56

If you feel uncomfortable, ask your management why they don't provide a prayer room.

expatinscotland · 11/08/2010 13:56

YABU. You're also quite lucky if this is the worst you've encountered. I've had to share with colleagues and I wish all they did was pray instead of honking of BO or stale alcohol or sex, cracking gum all day, cracking their knuckles all day, making annoying noises, slurping, making irritating or explicit phone calls, talking nonstop and just in general being annoying as hell.

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/08/2010 13:56

Oh, the tinsel comparison was pretty shite, wasn't it Grin

One of my colleagues whistles that bloody tune from Kill Bill. I would rather have a muslim praying for a few minutes than have to listen to him.

I don't think that prayer is intrusive, really. No more intrusive that the whole myriad of annoying things that every colleague does and you have to get used to, tbh.

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/08/2010 13:57

Anyone who whistles should be bloody kicked hard, actually.

expatinscotland · 11/08/2010 13:58

X-post with GetOrf.

Gah, I've had an endless string of fuckwit cube/office/desk mates.

I would have been so lucky as to get someone who just prayed.

Plus, he won't show up all hungover and expect me to pick up the slack, or ring in 'sick' and then come in and tell me about his major bender he went on.

PrettyCandles · 11/08/2010 13:59

Hmm. I assumed from the OP that there wasn't a suitable private space. Is there, Beethoven?

BTW this reminds me: when ds1 was at nursery he told me that the teacher who supervised nap-time would wait until they were all lying quietly on their mats, and then she would dance for them until they drifted off. He loved watching her because she "doesn't need any music and she never trips off her mat". Smile

PrettyCandles · 11/08/2010 14:01

Well, Beethovem, why don't you ask him about that?

Original poster
Beethoven · 11/08/2010 14:01

PrettyCandles,

I would have thought there would be some private space elsewhere. I think I'm just going to have to be a little more tolerant. I've not shared a small space with a muslim who has to pray before, so it's a bit of a new experience for me.

OP posts:
Mowiol · 11/08/2010 14:03

SanctiMoanyArse - yes I know it's not the Bible that a Muslim uses but considering they are both Abrahamic religions I wondered if the Q'uran might have the same views on being private about piety. I know that the person praying obviously has to do this 5 times a day and facing East towards Mecca but does it have to be public?

ChippingIn · 11/08/2010 14:03

GOML - yeah it was Grin

TanteRose · 11/08/2010 14:04

here's a comparison - would you mind if someone in the works canteen at lunchtime, bowed their head to say grace (silently) before they started their meal?

its the same thing, really, and I bet it wouldn't "annoy" you...

chipmonkey · 11/08/2010 14:05

YANBU for feeling a little uncomfortable. I remember being in a neighbour's house one night when all of a sudden they all dropped to their knees and started saying the Rosary. I was 12 at the time and we weren't particularly religious so I did feel a bit strange. Not that there was anything wrong with it but just didn't know what to do with myself, really!

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/08/2010 14:06

Do I win a prize for mentioning Christmas in August, and depressing us all Grin

135 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes shopping time until Christmas Day, MNers!

Original poster
Beethoven · 11/08/2010 14:07

TanteRose, I'm not sure saying grace in the canteen is entirely the same as muslim prayer?

OP posts:
sarah293 · 11/08/2010 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn · 11/08/2010 14:09

TanteRose - bowing your head and silently saying 'Grace' for a couple of seconds is not the same as rolling out a prayer mat, getting down on the floor and praying for several minutes, making the others in the office aware of & restricting their own movements.

ChippingIn · 11/08/2010 14:12

Nah - someone beat you to it, they were all chattering on about having posted on the Christmas thread and how much christmas shopping they've done already - had to check the calendar and make sure it wasn't December!

Oohhhhh do you think we need tickers then :)

EricNorthmansmistress · 11/08/2010 14:12

I felt a bit funny the first time DH did his prayers in the same room as me (he only ever prays during ramadan so it's not something I was used to) but quickly realised he was absorbed in it and as long as I didn't address him directly I could carry on doing whatever I was doing. Obviously he prefers to go into the bedroom or whatever as it's less distracting but if there isn't anywhere, then a devout muslim will pray wherever they happen to be. It's not a 'show of piety' it's a private moment which you don't need to pay the slightest bit of attention to. As long as he doesn't ask you to be quiet, or prays right behind your chair or anything silly, then really, just ignore him.

I've seen many a person roll out their mat on the street and pray. Nobody looks at them, for a muslim it's really normal to just get on with it. I actually can understand why you feel a bit odd - it's the unknown, and you aren't sure if you are being put upon or not, but honestly, carry on with whatever you are doing and ignore. I like listening to people doing their prayers now, I find it a lovely calming sound.

hocuspontas · 11/08/2010 14:13

I suppose Beethoven feels that she can't burp or fart or talk or do any of the other things she might want to do during those few minutes. Would a muslim be annoyed if other people were carrying on their normal routine while he or she prayed? If so, then it is a bit of an intrusion. If not, then it's just a matter of getting used to it!

TanteRose · 11/08/2010 14:13

no, I know its not exactly the same - but GetOrf made the comparison with someone decorating their PC with tinsel, so I gave a more appropriate comparison...

hocuspontas · 11/08/2010 14:14

Ah! Crossed posts with Eric!

ChippingIn · 11/08/2010 14:14

Beethoven - if there is somewhere more private he can go then why not suggest he goes there - he may not realise the space is there.

PrettyCandles · 11/08/2010 14:15

Sorry, that was In response to uyour post about feeling tied to the desk and not phoning.

Personally I would have thought that if he chooses to pray in an office he also chooses to accept that the normal bustle and noise continues around him.

Original poster
Beethoven · 11/08/2010 14:15

Hocuspontas,

It's definitely the stopping farting for two minutes I don't like Grin

OP posts:
feedmenow · 11/08/2010 14:15

If it makes you feel uncomfortable because you don't feel you can make phone calles, etc, then maybe you should just ask him. You know, "are you happy for me to carry on with what I'm doing while you pray?" type of thing.Once you know he's OK with everyday work and noise going on (which I assume he will be) you'll probably feel a lot more comfortable and soon won't notice it.