... to be annoyed at the Muslim who prays next to me in work?

[Beethoven]

I share a small office with two other people. A new guy has started who's a muslim, and will roll out his mat and start praying behind me. I know it doesn't hurt me, but I feel a little uncomfortable for the few minutes that he does it.

Am I being an unreasonable bigot?

Heracles' use of it seems to be acceptable. Trying to embarrass her about using it is not, apparently.

Of course it is possible to raise the issue without being bigotted. Whether it is possible to raise the issue without being accused of bigotry by someone who has shown himself to be rather convinced of his self righteousnous and/or inconsiderate is another issue altogether.

It is possible he might genuinely have no clue but it's a big risk to take in this day and age.

I do agree with you. I should have done. But the original post has not been deleted, which rather defeats the point.

don;t worry i already reported it. But mnhq hasn't done the deed so i've assumed it was acceptable. it was two or three posts above mine. it's what pissed me off in the first place.

I think the term used should be object, an object who does something I do not like, as we seem to not be allowed to say Muslim!
Worlds gone mad, I shall go out of my way to be as un-pc as I can because I am sick to death of idiots shouting ohhhhh you cant say that, um yes I can,,,,

Muslim MUSLIM Muslin, there you go!

Perhaps the weekend.

Pretty candles your post is pretty depressing really. Most people, i was brought up to believe, should try to be considerate of others as much ss possible and not act selfishly. You don,t want to put people in a position where tphey are upset or feel awkward, if you can possibly help it. But you say people can do what they want and it's up to ohhers to deal with it. And if they aten't brave enough o
r articulate enough, to shy, too unsure, well tough. That is a free ticket for self centred people to ride roughshod over others. I was not brought up that way.

It's important to have personal space at work and if it feels intruded upon you have to speak up and set a boundary. There's nothing noble about putting up and shutting up.

There are words that are absolutly unacceptable and rightly so! But Am confused whats wrong with saying Muslim??? Im a muslim, a proud muslim! hmm maybe i need to read the whole 18 pages again... But My home needs cleaning... dangit! decisions... decisions...

Is this still going..?

jesus...do you lot never take a day off

Of cbourse in an ideal world everyone acts in a considerate way. But (a) this is the real world, we have to make the best of it and the way to do that is nit to assume that everyone esle should behave in a certain way but to do our best ourselves. And (b) one person's good manners can be another person's insult. Maybe he doesn't realise his unusual behaviour causes discomfort.

Why do people jump to conclusions before knowing the full facts? We know nothing of the man's thought processes. It is as reasonable to assume he is incredibly uncomfortable with the situation as it is to assume that he is completely militant. The only way to find out is to talk about it.

I never asked for permission to breastfeed, because asking would have opened the way to refusal of something which I felt was my absolute right, yet whic the responder could feel was their right not to be exposed to. On the rare occasions that someone spoke up about it, I reacted in kind: I rejected unpleasantnes and continued to feed, but was polite to people who spoke to me considerately and modified what I did in order to accommodate both their needs and my LO's needs.

I thought the OP was reasonably and neutrally phrased, yet it has triggered such extremes of opinion and feeling.

Actually pc you said "as to whose responsibility it is to speak up.. it is the person who feels uncomfortable". I am sorry.. i completely disagree. In this situation and otbers where people are behaving selfishly she might be forced to, but it is NOT her responsibility. It is his.

I still stand by my statement. If you feel there is an issue to be addressed then do so. Don't just sit and fume and let it fester with resentments and assumptions. IIRC from earlier in the thread, he is not English - maybe he is unaware that there is any issue.

Of course it would be nicer if he had raised the issue beforehand, but what happened to "do as you would be done by"? If he has not deliberately set out to upset people then he deserves the same consideration that you e pect him to apply to others.

TBH, even if he has deliberately set out to upset people by being in-yer-face, he still deserves the opportunity to behave well and to change his behaviour by being treated with consideration.

Given many religions are negative about following any other faith, some might consider it insulting to be in the same room, while others prefer privacy for their prayers.

The company should consider such matters when interviewing, to determine whether there is a suitable "quiet room" for religious observance.

Personally, I don't follow any belief, and would consider someone spending time praying to be the equivalent of a 'skive' or timewaste, and just as bad a going out for a cigarette, while others are expected to continue to work.

If the person was praying in the same room, I would consider it a nuisance, just like a Jehova's Witness coming to offer me spiritual views and trying to sell/give me a copy of Watchtower. Same as any Mormons or others coming to my door, or those outspoken bible-bashers who act like nutters, standing in public spaces and talking (as if the public are interested) about their beliefs.

I wonder, if roles be reversed, and you decided to kneel down behind him, and used Rosary beads while saying a collection of prayers, whether he would find it 'unusual' or 'unnacceptable' ?

YANBU - He needs somewhere private to pray.

I speak here as someone who used to share an offce with somone who prayed 5 times a day. To be fair he told me when he came in to my office he was going to do it and what it involved and said that if I had a problem then he could work round it. It actually opened up a number of interesting discussions that he and I have had over the years about a variety of subjects including the number of fake asylum seakers he saw in the mosque, a discussion on what being drunk feels like, and why despite being a 40% tax payer and his kids having been born in the UK there was no child benefit for them. We have an interesting and open relationship now and I get to say things to him without fear of his religion which is important now as I am his boss/

Interestingly a female member of staff of the same religion arrived and she expressed a difficulty in sharing an office with a male christian and caused all sorts of fuss with HR etc to get a single office which she got. My ex room mate, while a friend of hers, told me it was actions like that that brought distrust and misunderstandings in to play.

My suggestion, ask him what he does when praying, why he does it and also point out you were feeling uncomfortable as it was something new in your office. You never know conversation opens up a whole new area of knowledge.

"TONS of stuff goes on in offices that has no place in the work place - gossip, eating (and not just at lunch time; in all offices I've worked in there is eating pretty much all day long), mumsnetting, non-work phone calls, office romances (that is fecking annoying actually), facebook etc. etc."

While holding religious views and not being discriminated against for holding them is perfectly clear, in a work environment, there are clear issues concerning demonstrating beliefs (eg wearing a crucifix, etc).

As for using faclilities for non-work activities, whether making personal calls (or on behalf of some group/organisation), or using the internet, it just needs a company policy document to lay down what is acceptable and what is not, in work time or using work equipment.

If it is clear that all phone calls made to/from office phone lines are recorded, and all use of internet not for work related to the company/organisation is banned, then it makes it clear to individuals to spend time in coffee/tea breaks or at lunch time to (a) leave the building, or (b) use their own mobile phone (or laptop) for private calls (or Skype) or internet access... definitely no "jokes" using company e-mail! That's already been a sacking offence if it tarnishes the company/organisation name.

general "isuse" becomes a clear abuse, and after verbal or written warnings could be a cause for dismissal. I feel sure most places have a more relaxed attitude than mine, but only for what constitutes 'reasonable' use, and if someone didn't put in sufficient hours on getting work done, or was running up a big phone bill, it would be spotted and dealt with.

Sorry - typo "misuse"

"Heracles' use of it seems to be acceptable. Trying to embarrass her about using it is not, apparently.

Of course it is possible to raise the issue without being bigotted. Whether it is possible to raise the issue without being accused of bigotry by someone who has shown himself to be rather convinced of his self righteousnous and/or inconsiderate is another issue altogether.

It is possible he might genuinely have no clue but it's a big risk to take in this day and age."

What a load of bull. Go look up the word retarded: it means to delay, to impede, which is exactly what this whole debate displays. It's entirley worthless until the OP has spoken to the man himself. If she had and he'd kicked up as fuss about it then there'd be a debate to be had. If she'd complained to er employees and they'd marked her a traoublemaker then there'd be a debate. It's just an old argument being re-hashed, adding very little abut allowing others to bring their prejudices to the table.

So, neither of these situations had occurred, making this whole thing, as I said, retarded (actually, now I think about it, it should be "retarding", shouldn't it? Hmm, no, either works).

Still, someone looking for reasons to be offended on MN? Hold the front page...

Heracles - you talk with a lot of confidence.