to leave ds1's soaking wet shoes in the hall so they are still wet in the morning?

[CoupleofKooks]

It was pissing it down here today. Ds1 likes to go out and get soaked, deliberately get himself wet and play in the rain. He has wellies etc but chooses to go out in his trainers. This annoys me and when he does it I have told him he must put paper in his shoes and put them in the airing cupboard, otherwise they are still wet in the morning and he can't wear them . He got athlete's foot before from wearing wet shoes the next day

He doesn't have spare shoes and doesn't like wearing his wellies so he won't be happy in the morning when he finds his shoes are still soaking. He's left them in the hall (also his raincoat is there lying on the floor soaking wet, so if it's raining tomorrow that will be uncomfortable to wear also).

He's 7 and he's just gone to bed. Should I pick them up or leave them?

People are good at different things.

It's easy to get distracted and forget to do something you know needs doing.

I am a very tough/strict parent, I make them do lots of things that other people think I should be doing for them.

However, I rarely expect them to remember to do things without reminding them.

If I thought they'd forgotten - I'd do it.

If I thought they were thinking 'If I leave them, Mum will do it' - then I'd leave them.

If I was in a good mood I'd do it without thinking.

If I was tired and fed up, I do it crossly....

There's a 100 different reasons to do it or not do it, but honestly, you've spent more time debating it than it would have taken to just do it.

Honestly, YANBU. I have a small DD (2yrs) so can't comment personally on the abilities of a 7 yo DS BUT I see my friend run ragged after her DS(9), doing stuff like this and I'm very as he should be learning about cause / effect / consequences. Hers just shrugs his shoulders when I say somethinkg like 'Help your mum 'Boy'. He genuinely doesn't think it's his job!

There's so much 'Ahhh, but he's only a little boy' one can take FFS! At 7, they can learn to put their shoes away - wet or not.

You learn something new every day.

I have this with ds 6 next week. I have strarted this holiday to tell him ' its where you left it' he is just starting to realise things left on the floor are classed as rubbish at night time and shoes left 1 in his bed and 1 behind the sofa will be there as thats where he left them. Oh and I'm not hanging around while you hunt said shoes for 10 minutes I'm leaving in 2 and you'll have to wear others if you can't find the ones you want!

yes i was up for the debate, and wanted to have a think about whether this was a good tack to take long term, not just over this issue
it's missing the point to say "it would have been quicker just to put them in the airing cupboard"
i am wondering whether if i do LESS for ds if he is more likely to become one of the children who DO remember things like this
some people's children do remember
do the people whose children DON'T remember, forget because it's always been done for them, they don't have to remember?

MoreCrack why is it my responsibility? i think it is my responsibility to provide him with decent footwear
if he gets his shoes wet there is a good alternative - wellies
why is it my responsibility to dry his shoes for tomorrow, when HE has chosen to get them wet?

mumbar I'm liking your style.

morloth have you not got one? where do you put towels after a bath? where do you put wet trainers? :o

You don't want to be getting stuck with a 15 year old's stinky muddy rugby clothes. Best to start as you mean to go on IMO.

oh well i still don't know
i honestly think wearing wellies for the morning will not harm him
i want him to deal with this kind of thing, i don't think it is too much to ask
i feel it's disrespectful to leave his stuff in a pile - he should look after things more carefully

I would leave them there and when he complains, sympathise and say "Oh drat, did you not put them in the airing cupboard? Wellies for you today then! Go and pop them in there now, and then they will be dry tomorrow"

but I am PIG SICK of my ds1 and his utter refusal to take responsibility for even quite small things (example: he picked months' worth of dribbled wax off the wine bottles this morning and scattered it all over the floor - when I handed him the dustpan and brush he lay on the floor weeping piteously for THREE HOURS before he eventually decided he could swep it up)

so I would be seizing the opportunity to make a point

I am Australian so we have this thing call "Sun" which sorts out most of these issues. Here I just hang towels on the rail in the bathroom and shoes go under a radiator in the winter and we tough it out in the summer.

My boiler is little and in a tiny cupboard with no room for anything else.

Because he is only 7, and the priority should be having dry shoes, not teaching him a lesson
You already said he has previously had athletes foot because of this. Preventing that is more important than standing your ground

Honestly- dd is 10 and these things just come in time ime

I have a mantra whenwe walk in the house

"Shoes in the shoe box, coats on the peg"

Have probably said it a million times now in their lives

God, I must seem like such a boring Mother

But they do do it, even the 3 yr old

right greeny has spoken and if greeny thinks it's ok then it is ok by me

[gavel]

Morloth i understand now. it rains here approx 4 days out of 5 atm so the airing cupboard is a vital part of the house
we would all have trench foot without it

well i think everyone has been very reasonable, i can see everyone's point of view, and no-one has been insulting or threatened to take it outside

what is the matter with you all??? :o

nice to see you twistykooks

ds1 is driving me bonkers, if he is asked to do ANYTHING he does this ultra-babyish weeping that makes me want to snarl

Greeny's way is THE way.

Am impressed

MoreCrack i can see where you are coming from completely
thank you everybody

Australian Airing Cupboard

aw snotty that sounds hard going
why haven't you come to see us
i am pining for you

our parenting techniques are v different, I think

I tell you one thing, though. Never ever under-estimate just how much reminding people need before something becomes automatic. And when it comes to a 7 year old, I think the amount of reminding needed is pretty much limitless.

we are skint kooks

proper wolves-at-the-door skint

but hopefully not for ever

I am with you in spirit though

LOL Morloth

pointy it was the getting him out of bed bit - i wouldn't get him out of bed for anything that i can think of (house on fire, possibly)
i find reminding has NO effect whatsoever - i don't like punishing - this is natural consequences and a lesson learnt - although a bit like a punishment in disguise hence asking AIBU

oh sorry greeny, hope it doesn't last long :(
email me if i can do anything useful

It isn't a punishment to wear wet shoes if you forget to dry them it is just what happens.