to think if people really want to see DD they should fit in with her routine

[PDog]

Dad rang last night to invite us to 'family' bbq on bank holiday Monday. I explained that we are coming back for the weekend (is 2 hour drive)but were going to head back on Monday morning as have things to sort out. Said we could stay for the bbq but would need to leave at 3pm to get back in time to do tea for DD before bed. He ummed and arred and then said well he could do the food earlier in a way that made it sound like a massive inconvenience. Then went on to say it would be a shame if we can't make it.

We are already staying over 2 nights and can't stay a third as DH has work on the Tuesday and DD has her first introductory session at nursery. Plus I don't really want to as then our whole weekend is taken up fitting with other people, rather than doing what suits us.

Last time we were there some comments were made about how they had hardly seen DD and we shouldn't leave it so long next time. I just feel that if he is so bothered about seeing her it wouldn't be such a big deal to do the BBQ earlier or have it on the Sunday.

I am not a GF fan btw so don't have a militant routine, just rough times for meals and a set bath/bed routine. DD is 8mo.

"8 month olds are pretty flexible really"

Yes, OP, do you hear?

Despite what you may think YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN BABY.

No, in fact random strangers who have never met either of you know exactly how you should parent her.

FFS there are threads on here complaining bitterly about this kind of shit from MILs who at least have the decency to actually know the children they are bossybootsing about.

skidoodly

Skidoodly, LOL at your post, really good one!

Ah Skidoodly, you may be right. I don't know her child. But really, rationally, the whole issue cannot seriously be about the baby can it? Plenty of practical ideas have been suggested.

I also suspect I may have had similar tendencies to the op with my pfb, but several dc later, the baby gets the smallest look in in terms of arranging family get-togethers. I might decide that a late night before a school night was not appropriate for a 10 year old who had an exam the next day, but it is a long time since the routine of a baby has seriously changed plans that were for the benefit of many other people.

Why didn't the op just say she wanted to get home earlier and not use the baby as an excuse?

Well the first day of nursery is at least a big a deal as a primary school "exam", so why is the OP unreasonable to want to keep things on a nice even keel the night before?

Plenty of dismissive, stupid ideas have been suggested all based on the idea that all babies are infinitely flexible with regard to when and where they sleep.

DD1 was a pretty good sleeper all 'round but there's no way I would have been keeping her up when she wanted to go to bed and making her sleep in the car just so my dad could cook burgers in the garden.

MadameBelle, perhaps the op didn't just say she wanted to get home earlier and not use the baby as an excuse because the reason she wanted to get home earlier was in fact the baby? She has been quite clear after all:

• a long drive
• a baby who doesn't sleep well
• first day at nursery next day
• DH working next day

etc ie, it would be good for the baby to have a decent night's sleep and a relaxed monday.

PDog, YABU. Go in the morning or just after lunch. Remind your dad that its the baby's first day at nursery the next day and everyone needs to be refreshed and calm. FWIW, our DS was a bad enough sleeper that just staying at someone else's house for two nights guaranteed us several nights of misery to follow.

And as for all these posts about the lovely memories of family days being worth a bit of crying....do none of you have some really striking memories of crap times? I certainly remember with sadness and a shudder a number of times when we've had flaming rows in the car while the kids screamed, horrible weekends with grandparents where we've been with them too long and everyone's irritated everyone etc etc.

Can't believe you're still getting people telling you how flexible babies are OP!

The only flexible thing about DS2 is his ability to put his feet behind his head !

It's not just about the baby is it, it's about you and dh. We've done the "get home really late and then try and settle the baby, unpack, have something resembling a bit of relaxation and then a reasonable amount of sleep"! Tis crap and if you're back at work the next day, even worse.

You're not being precious. YANBU. Agree with poster who said only you know your baby and I know I wouldn't do it with mine!

I don't think it's about the routine as such, I think it's about you and your DD not being considered.

You're already spending the weekend there, why has he got to do the bbq monday night and insist you go? I think he's being self centred.

Routine doesn't bother me but probably because my kids have always slept through the night so I'm not really affected by it. They just get their Pjs on and go to bed when I say (usually 6pm-ish and sleep til 7.30am- which I put down to my relaxed attitude to bed time. If we're somewhere and they don't get to bed til 10/11pm, it wont affect their sleep). But if she's got her first day at nursery the next day and DH is back at work, it would be nice for her to go to bed as per her usual routine and then you and DH can chill out before he's back to work the next day. Doesn't seem like your dad's considered you at all.

YANBU.